The Cracks

Fear driven heart

Falling apart

Like a car engine that can’t start

With the key left out of the ignition

He comes in dreams it seems

The Wyatt Earp of fantasies

wants redemption

And might give in…

Put my hopes on a fantasy novel I don’t know if I should begin…

But possibly never should have ended..

My heart is stretched thin

Feet literally bruised to the skin

breathe the pain within

The cracks left inside the marrow

tell myself it’s all in my head..

All in my head

So I don’t bother anyone while they sleep in bed

Seeing my tears fall without a sound,

Trying to hold my breath & not make a sound

I don’t know how I ended up so down

But I see a rainbow ahead, so I hold onto the frown

While everyone else lives peacefully

I feel like I am living like a hound.

 

 

 

 

Hollyweird

We’ve see it for years now. The over sexualization and exploitation of those who look like they are not legal, some who aren’t and some who are even in power being taken advantage. No one is safe it seems. Now it’s being addressed in Hollywood, by those who have power to do so. Having gone rampant so badly it seems in that area, now victims are speaking out together.

Some might say, “they took settlement money!” And some did at the time which I do think drastically limits the exposure of the case to the public obviously. It does essentially put issues in a box, locked up, in sight but under the radar until something brings attention to it, or it is forgotten. I’m sure those cases were truthfully less searched for on the internet. Until now.  To really try to fix these issues, exposure is necessary so this is good. But why does it take decades for something to be done about injustices that as a nation, we claim to find sickening? Why does it seem so difficult for victims  to speak out, unless they are grouped together? Cory Feldman and Azealia Banks both spoke out about  being abused  in the Hollywood scene, but we’re essentially gaslighted. Implied to be the issue themselves for being victims. It’s sad but now there are eyes opening.

Another issue I think that needs to be addressed overall with sexuality is; why is legal so differently defined accross statelines? It seems the age of consent is anywhere from 16-18? Should we create a federal law and be done with different state laws? Can we define was is a mature enough age to even start exhibiting sexuality? Let alone being able to consent to an older person perhaps as a nation? I think if we could people would be able to keep a commonality of what is socially acceptable? Perhaps there is too much tape in between where the tape  now needs to be clearly placed.

I think some uncomfortable conversations need to be had about sexuality in general? What are acceptable ways we feel as a whole nation to express this? I am not by any means saying we should take away the right to expression. I am saying we need to reflect and think of what kind of expression of sexuality we value. There are non nude photos out there, that can ooze more sexuality in a way than nudes.  If a person wants to walk around with little clothing on though, that is their choice. I respect their right to choose. I just won’t buy their album, merch, or support them the best I can. I will find the woman who wears high heels and looks like an innocent doll. People with real talent are out there struggling and are more deserving of the spotlight. Those who fight with clothes on don’t want to be a bad influence, a portal for a sick agenda.

As consumers, we have more power than people realize and opposing influences can be a cultural game changer. This only proves it. I’m just saying, all these figures in Hollyweird especially have been conditioned to accept a certain style. And ultimately because of Hollywood’s influence, the liberal agenda especially flocked to this, the impressionable youth, and those who can just be easily misled. Especially the youth who spends more time on social media than any other generation. These influences are unavoidable, but people have the choice to accept them or not. To support or not. You might think you don’t mean much as one person, but if more people start thinking they have power; a sense of real unity begins & just keeps picking up momentum.

I Just Want

My eyes can no longer dry from yesterday

Can’t seem to look anyone in the eye today

Heart is heavy like it’s full of aspertane

Heart swollen like doesn’t want to play..

All these games anymore..

Everyone can walk away think they’ve won

I’ll sit alone like I’ve always done

Add your mask to the collection I’ll have forever ingrained in my mind..

 

I just want to stare at the sun

Until it is no fun

I don’t want to listen to anyone

I just want to shut all your mouths

Because most can’t love without starting with doubt

 

My soul feels stuck in a casket, left to lay

All day in filth & waste away

You all enclosed it all in, watched me from the outside all day

Turned on lights from a far and had me checking bulbs, okay?

Now my eyes are so swollen, I can’t even see

Tears won’t stop falling,

Emotionally put me on a balcony

And if I look over the edge you call me crazy…

So I just stare now at the sun

It’s the only thing bringing light in this narrative

where you leave me to end up..

Broken and undone?

Blaming myself for everyone.

 

 

 

 

Trying to Get Back

I need to put you in your place

feel bad cuz it’ll feel like a lion attack on your face..

Cuz your facial expressions seem to be a waste

But it is what it is out here in the outback

I’ll just try not to focus on what you lack…

While you feel the need to misdirect  your attack

And have all the winds held against me

Just admit I metaphorically took you back

back to childhood dreams & fantasies

While you seemed to be running on empty

I had torn you from the black

From the hearts of enemies

Away from the shook

And now I’ll take you to the countryside

Where We’ll ride,

full of acknowledged misplaced pride

Dive into waterfalls

Runaway & hide

Build a foundation as bright as the sun..

know for you,

I’d look away at everyone

Their existence will be of no resistance

the stars will cascade down for fun

I’ll fall into your arms like I’ve been the only one

still unable to erase what’s been done…

To your heart..

know we’re all just torn apart versions of ourselves..

Just trying to get back to where we started from

Where we started from.

Miss Magic Part VIII

Olivia lets the security guards check her purse. Of course, they find the cards she had forgotten about. Her eyes widened with horror.

“It’s not what it looks like!” She exclaims.

“Sure. It seems to me it is exactly how I appears. Both you girls come out back in our questioning room immediately.”

Olivia looks towards Jackie. “I am sorry. I had forgotten…”

“Just be quiet Olivia. We knew this might happen.” She replied.

They bring the girls to a room with white walls, sort of like something the FBI would bring you to. Jackie starts getting more nervous, which is making Olivia more nervous.

“Can I just explain something to you really quick?”

“Go ahead.” The security officer says.

“This is going to sound a bit crazy, but I think I am a bit different.” Olivia tries to explain.

“Listen, kid, I do not have time for games. Tell the truth or there will be issues.”

“I think I have special abilities, sir. I can change those cards. I was practicing with those ones in my purse in the bathroom. Ask Jackie.”

“Listen, I don’t want to be locked up in a looney bin with her, but yes…I have seen her do this. It’s unbelievable.”

“If you’re so special then do it for me right now. I have college kids play games with my head all the time about this stuff. So sick of it you two. You have no idea.” He says, sounding somewhat exhausted.

He gives her a card, in which she shows it to him again, just so he knows what it is.

“I see it.”

She does her magic, thinks of a rhymed chant, and hopes it actually worked. If it doesn’t, they both end up looking crazy and possibly sent to some kind of crisis center then jail. Sweat collects on the tips of her fingertips, her eyes are tearing up, but somehow she keeps a somewhat firm expression of confidence. She turns it over.

“What the!!!”

He steps back.

“Listen kid, if you’re some kind of experiment gone wrong I don’t want anything to do with this. I don’t think I am crazy but hold on. This room is under survelliance. Maybe I didn’t get enough sleep.”

Jackie chuckles slightly. “Go ahead. We can wait.”

Olivia looks even more scared though.

“What if they send some people to stab me with needles and stuff Jackie? This is no joke. I just found this out and we already exposed me. Geez, what the heck…” Olivia says.

“Just chill out. You can tell them you won’t sign anything to be their experimental monkey. For now, let’s just see what is going to happen. Do you know anyone else on this planet in this situation right now?” Jackie explains.

“True. We shouldn’t be talking either. They are definitely listening to everything we say too.”

He eventually enters the room again. This time, whiter than a sheet like he has seen a ghost.

“Listen. I have no clue how you did that. I don’t know how to even handle this kind of a situation but I believe you. We probably should be alerting someone of your capabilities but then again, they are yours. I am going to do something that could cost me my job in the future. Maybe even some of us who have watched the footage back there. You could do good in this world with what you have, or you could do bad. I don’t know what you intended to spend the money on, but most would use it for their own benefit. I suggest you do otherwise. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt, because you were trying to be honest with me from the beginning. I don’t think you are like a lot of people out there. In fact, I don’t think your friend here, Jackie? is either? I am going to let you leave with your earnings today. I am going to hope you take some of it that you need, then use some of it to do something good. I have turned off all recording just to say this to you girls. If I didn’t, I would only be shooting myself in the foot like I explained. Now, that I have put my faith in you two, and possibly my job in the future, please leave and do not show your faces in here again. I only want to see you on the news for doing something brave and beautiful.”

By the end of this, both Olivia’s and Jackie’s eyes were full of tears. They were able to hold them back, but he knew they were affected by his words. They hurried with their belongings, while repeatedly and graciously saying “thank you.”

As they made their way back to the car, Olivia says:

“If angels exist. We met one just now in human form. Just when I thought people wouldn’t risk anything to do good in this world they exceed my expectations.”

Illusionists

Hop off the train you can’t find what you seek

you know it’s true so sew what you reap

Standing on a glass ceiling, looking down on the concrete

The cracks are beginning to start beneath your feet

While chicks like me are up in the morning

you’re up all night looking beat

They ain’t looking out for you,

they’re just waiting for you to leap

Even further into your downward spiral

Trust me, you ain’t looking chic

Your mouth is moving but it hardly ever speaks…

can’t keep your eyes open

No wonder you can’t see..

You’re half of what you actually could be..

 

Illusionist people everywhere

Really don’t care

They just want to use you

Until there’s nothing there

So concerned with themselves

Sleep they cannot even bear

Can’t even give them sympathy

it goes nowhere

 

Get off the plane, you can’t find what you lack

It’s not out there, you’re half intact

Don’t be mad at me, I’m not giving you slack

You didn’t give it to me, when you stabbed me in the back,

And now your champagne is bubblin’

But no one be having some

Left to your own devices,

Still can’t have fun

Think you’re on top

But you ain’t fooling everyone

 

Go ahead and wish you could send me to the sun

You’d still be miserable, and even more undone..

sheep will betray their dog for another one..

So don’t say I didn’t warn you hun

You attract what you are: the clouds, not the sun..

 

Illusionist people everywhere

really don’t care

They just want to use you

Until there’s nothing there

So concerned with themselves

Sleep they cannot even bear

Can’t even give them sympathy

It goes nowhere.

 

Word Cavalier

As she walked, it all floated away

All the fear she once carried had now come to stay

She has no choice, can’t go astray

Just lie down she says, fight is over okay?

Arms in the sand, but head in command

Forced to ride dune waves, instead of water my friend

Everything dropped in a bucket with a hole in the end..

Look down, someone ran away with the gold that I lend!

My fault for being there, should have made them mend

Their own crap, now stuck with the tab, forced to descend..

And I don’t think it’ll ever happen again

going to nicely speak truth,

It’s your fault if I offend..

Your eyes look empty,

mine are looking to transcend..

 

Never bend to another’s will

Have my own ship to navigate

Never take their pill

Have my own thoughts to gravitate..

I think I might have lost you,

Must not be fate..

Think you fell into a black hole

Lost your way..

 

As she stood, they all fell apart

She told the truth, while their lies lacked poetic art

She said: Come stand behind me in the mirror,

Maybe you don’t realize you have too much fear?

Wipe the fog off, start looking to make things clear

Your brain has been mis-wired, too many misplaced tears

Must switch out the thoughts, change the gears..

Stop looking for someone to blame,

or nothing will become for years

Wish I could wake some people up,

but they appear lost in another hemisphere

try to spread my thoughts through the atmosphere..

Truth speaking poet, a word cavalier

Even if most ears don’t want to hear

 

Never bend to another’s will

Have my own ship to navigate

Never take their pill

Have my own thoughts to gravitate..

I think I might have lost you,

Must not be fate…

Think you fell into a black hole

Lost your way.