Against the Glass

It was like you had my face pressed against glass. You said breathe when I couldn’t but let me occasionally gasp enough to stay alive. It was like I would have rather been dead then be teased with the idea of my life in the hands of someone so cruel. Or perhaps you were not cruel because you felt nothing. You were more like a sociopath, able to turn off the part of the brain which processes the infliction of pain on another soul is torture. I have many theories as to why you hated women. Why you decided they were of no use other than cooking, cleaning, and fulfilling any other selfish desires you had. Like their entire existence should be you, for you, about you, and all around you. Then suddenly, I am gone. Off wandering inside my head doing the dishes, thinking of palm trees you promised, skydives, and that resort we drove past. I would have loved to ride a segway in the woods and I am sure looking back any friend I had would have loved to go with me. And I am so angry. Why did I spend all this time upon someone who could not accept who I was, what I did for them, how much I cared, and how much I lost of myself for them. I don’t know if I can ever be the same after this. I use to think the world was wonderful and people were who they seemed to be but now, I see vultures. I see people almost programmed into similar relationships and hear the same stories from different mouths all the time. No one realizes how alike they truly are. We are programmed to think we are all unique which is not healthy. We need human connection, we all strive for it in some way, through family, friends, and lovers. It is what makes life balance out. But at what cost does it become more of a burden than a gift? What if you feel you have endured enough pain for a lifetime? I feel there should be no more pain inflicted on my soul by another as long as I live. I will not be troubled to save anyone anymore who does not want to be helped. I will be surrounded someday by good people.

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