F*ck sh*t f*ck! It happened again. I fell for a person who doesn’t really exist. They created an image of themselves as if they were god then subjected sad females to the torment of being dragged through a fallacy. It is as if the relationship was on a stage, lighting done perfectly, his hair gelled, his airplane ready, his smile practiced, and his words written inside his head before even spoken. I hated the way his mouth moved as if the words came out showing a disconnect from his brain. And I knew what it could mean, but I doubted myself. He made me doubt my own intelligence. Made me introspect until there was a war going on inside my mind but at both front lines was me. Just repeatedly taking the bayonet and trying to force it between my ribs but finding my ribs in the way every time. As if my own mind was trying to protect itself from evil. In the back of my head, a voice going off saying self inflicted pain does not promote a healthy outlook. Especially if it is influenced by a cruel human being.You need introspection, he’d suggest. Meanwhile, he’s popping xanax and drinking the shittiest rum on the planet. And i am thinking, you escape reality every morning, do not improve everyday, and sit with your finger pointed at everyone else. Who the f*ck are you?  Your GABA receptors have overturned your brain turning it into a constant state of “calm.” But is it calm? Do you wake up already calm or does your body crave the calm? I think the latter. Your brain could no longer function without it. It would have to face the harsh reality that by trying to escape anxiety you have created a point where it will all have to come back rushing over you like a high tide. The inevitable faces you. Be a tool for the pharmaceutical industry or decide to almost die trying not to be. And trust me, you will want to die but you will be so messed up mentally you couldn’t even execute a plan to. You will lie on the floor in disbelief a drug like this is even FDA approved. Your body will get hot then cold, cold then hot,you sweat through your face right to your toes. You cry, you laugh, you don’t know where reality is but you know it exists but your own brain cannot see it. You know time is the only thing standing in your way. Time could kill you. And when you think it’s over, it isn’t. You can’t sleep for months, you try everything but your brain won’t shut off. The GAMA receptors are overfiring now, making up for loss time. You feel like you should be in a cage as an experiment because you cannot believe this drug is out there on the market. You become sickened by the idea your suffering is fueled by money, once again, money. You read other peoples responses to it and notice over 80% seem to have the exact same issues. How could the statistics not show this? Who did the actual testing? who were the patients? I have no idea. I think they chose to show the information which was most beneficial for them to pass with the FDA. And now I see suffering everywhere in people who take it or stopped taking it. It’s not right. People should be warned by their doctor how life changing this drug can be. And if you take this drug and try to have a relationship you should warn people you are at the point of possible detox. It might make someone more sympathetic when they understand what you are going through rather than just coming off cruel. I will spend the rest of my life dedicating my existence to those who suffer from this drug and help them realize the brain may not function the same ever again, but there is life outside of it. They can recover and become productive in society. I hope those of you going through this realize you must accept help from others. Do not hurt people just because of your own pain.