Let’s face it. Things have changed a lot in the past hundred years concerning gender roles. Women rose up to become equal to men and now the playing field has improved in dating, jobs, and lifestyle. Now ic men annoying women, and women annoying men everywhere. Dating has turned into a sort of uncomfortable state to be at times, as well as empowering. If you don’t like the person, you can run. If you like the person, you can continue until hopefully the relationship talk happens. Btw if a guy/girl wants a relationship right off the bat, I would take that as a red flag. It is either controlling or they cannot stand alone. Either way, I believe stride and honesty is the best way to kindle love. So how can you not annoy the other person? Here’s a list I compiled over the years in my head based on self-reflection as well as observation of others.
1) Don’t hang out every day. You will lose your sense of self and they will too. Plus, when the honeymoon stage ends, it will be harder to cope with if you spent every minute together.
2) Don’t get drunk and talk about your past. There is nothing great out of this. I don’t want to hear a warped version of your childhood then another version the next day. Save this for when you are sober. Vice versa,I don’t expect you to be entertained by this as well from me.
3)Don’t just text and not call. It is kind of the way of thinking now to just text. But I believe this is wrong. If someone calls you and you don’t return the call for a long time, it does hurt. And txting is really casual and should not be going on once someone is serious.
4)Don’t set guidelines then break them yourself. Double standards can lead to infidelity, dishonesty, and just break people up. No one wants to be with someone who tells them how to act then acts that way themselves.
5)Have your own hobbies and interests. Make sure to do them when you are apart, especially if your partner has no interest in certain things. For instance, most men hate malls. Don’t bring them there. Go on your own.
6)Don’t play FB games. If yours says single, your mates should as well. No one should be one and the other persons another way. Also, don’t expect a person to unfriend exes if you have yet to do the same. And don’t friend girls/guys just to make your partner jealous. It is just dumb.
7)Don’t expect to become comfortable and do nothing. Relationships need work. They have to be kept alive through activity. If you nights turn into ice cream and movies and not even sitting close, you have a problem no offense. Go out once in a while (not to bars) do something of quality.
8)Don’t expect everything to be like the beginning. It never will be. It is unrealistic to get to know someone and still perceive them as the same person in the beginning. People form a perception based upon first impressions which can become an issue. Everyone persay puts a game face on. They don’t want the other person to know the bad qualities they are working on. They want to become an ideal image in your mind like a fairytale. Well eventually the sandcastle crumbles and you must explain who you really are. So be ready for hard work and commitment.
9)Distance doesn’t mean someone is pulling away. Understand people need time to get themselves together. Another person cannot fix another person, it is impossible. And if they are a liar about working on themselves you will find out or know they aren’t by repeat behavior.
10) Understand communication is key. Don’t play with anger, jealously, hate, or deception. It is like throwing a boomerang and hitting yourself. Stay calm when you communicate even if the subject matter is serious. Remember how it felt to first get kicked in the shins by someone and how serious it was at the time but how everyone now laughs at it? There is always humor. Some say it masks pain, but if you already faced the pain then what is the point in over-caring about it? If communication is so poor there is nothing left to say, then leave it at that.If it can be improved upon, then try but if you fail, cry then laugh. People will see that as strength, creativity, maturity, optimism, and an overall sense of how the world operates.
Well, there’s some of my list. It has taken me years really to understand people and sift through them searching for what? I guess in a way simplicity. But at the same time, if it was so simple it wouldn’t be rewarding. There is no simple person. Everyone is complex, and it is up to you to know what you are looking for. You can’t go out in the world looking for a definition of love but rather having the definition and realizing 90% of people you encounter aren’t that type of person. It takes patience and time. And a person must have learned about their past, evolved in some way on their own in order to be independent in a relationship. Relationships are not about being alike, feeling like your souls match and you can read eachother’s minds. That is fantasy like…and not reality. It is about how each soul balances the other. In fact, differences could make a relationship interesting.