We hear it all too often. The word jealous seems to come up quite a bit. It is sort of thrown around when someone could be a good judge of character, cautious, skeptical, and/or protective of who they keep around. It is a word which can be tossed around, isn’t actually dissected properly, and in my opinion is oftentimes geared towards women. This is an issue which needs to be addressed. Some men and women, view women as caddy and jealous, perhaps because of past experiences. Some women are quick to label valid criticism as jealously rather than listen. These are the real insecure women. They live in the clouds, post selfies all day, and get off on putting other women down. They give a perception that most women are like this to those who do not wish to entertain their antics. They create a competitive mentality which is more like bullying rather than displaying good sportsmanship. A strong woman, realistically will not be interested, engaged, or jealous of qualities she does not care to possess. And calling her jealous, may in fact push her to insecurity, and convince her she is nothing more than some stereotype you created out of a inherently sexist accusation. It also creates distrust of other women and the feeling of being manipulated out of your own feelings. And if anything, women need to learn how to trust other women more. Women who are not like this stereotype need to stick together, keep eachother’s secrets, and boost someone else’s esteem. It is a competitive world out there already, why make it worse?

Also, let us admit if there is a reason for the other woman to be jealous this is often overlooked because it is very easy to label the person who first complains. Obviously, the woman looking in from the outside knows she cannot display any jealousy, must keep her composure if she really wants to succeed in ruining a relationship. She could just want to see you unhappy and not even care if she ends up with you as well. The thought of any happy couple or witnessing a happy couple gets tn these kind of secretly insecure women. Instead of finding a single man to confide in, they oftentimes pick a taken one, are single themselves, and think this is appropriate. It is not unless a friendship with no romantic feelings has evolved. And how do men know they are not perhaps being naive and putting down a good women and exchanging her for a manipulative one? Sometimes red flags are everywhere but blinders are on the manipulated.

Let’s admit, some women are great manipulators. I have seen it happen where a women ends up with a man because she successfully tempted him away. Yes, indeed this is also the fault of the man for trying to stroke his ego, confide in someone with a hidden agenda, having insecurities himself, and a lack of communication. But I also think there is more to the picture as well. We cannot entirely look at the actions of people. We must also take a look at social media and how it affects our perceptions.

In modern society, we forget our lives are all over the internet. Go ahead and google yourself if you haven’t already. Some people will be surprised to find what the results are and how they came to be. I am not. It seems cool nowadays to be transparent and accessible. Some people do not bother to look into privacy settings, some sell their own information on online surveys, and some keep toxic people around on their social media.

Why?

Too often I see those with boundaries and skepticism of others crushed by the accusations of those who cannot comprehend the feeling of invasion of privacy upon our lives? Usually people resort to calling this kind of person overprotective, controlling, insecure, and jealous. Yes, we are all human and can feel these things but I think there is a line of respect which must be drawn. Not all people are comfortable exposing their lives to others, especially new people who have not yet earned any trust but that is not grounds for a jealousy, insecurity, or socially inept accusation. Some prefer to have a close knit circle of friends, clean out social media regularly, know privacy options, and avoid interacting with those who could not have their best interests in mind.  Women who do this are at risk of being labelled jealous, insecure, and socially handicapped by those who do not have any boundaries. It is amazing to me some people hit accept on every facebook request, keep toxic friends on their lists and exes, like posts from those who should be left in the past, and continue to think everyone else should operate the same way? I think with social media we have forgotten we have choices. We have the choice of how those online perceive us as well.

People are generally reluctant to post controversial things, opinions, and negative topics. Thy don’t want to offend others or break this perception of themselves as this perfect person. They don’t want to admit even if they have the fancy house and car, everything might not be right all the time. I have found the most satisfying internet communications I have had, have resulted in me being honest about my thoughts, feelings, and opinions. I have found those who are willing to not put on a facade are worth speaking to. I keep my friend list on facebook minimal for this reason. Too often I have offended someone I didn’t care that I offended, then removed them from my social media. That is my right. I didn’t do it out of jealousy, insecurity, or social dysfunction but rather for myself. I don’t care to have my life exposed to those who cannot handle criticism, skepticism, and don’t realize trust is built and not just given. And I don’t care to explain myself to people who are quick to judge and not listen either.

So I ask before you accuse a women especially or even a man of insecurity, jealousy, or a lack of social skills, evaluate if their concerns are valid, if they have boundaries for a reason, or perhaps just don’t relate to most people because their interests or life experiences. You’ll find it might be they just don’t desire the same kind of social interactions or the same lack of boundaries.