Advice for People after Abuse

1) Don’t expect anyone to understand what you’ve been through but support groups and those who have been through similar abuse. Don’t waste time explaining. Most will tell you to just instantly get over it which is impossible. They will just bring you down with their lack of empathy. They will also paint you as weak for self reflection.

2) Don’t assume because you are a victim, people close to you won’t be fooled by your ex abuser. Some closest to you will betray you and believe your psycho ex. Distance yourself and don’t take their crap.

3) Don’t expect your social skills to be not affected. Your fear of abusive people will make you a skeptic for awhile. That’s okay. Just make sure you don’t hurt other people’s feelings. Be assertive but kind with your boundaries.

4) Expect you will have issues in your new relationship. It’s been awhile since you were treated right and it feels too good to be true. Try to go with the flow and not let fear control you. If someone screws with you while you’re trying to get over this; they don’t care.

5) If your social media is overwhelming and full of people who were associated with your ex… delete some. In fact, delete anyone who makes you uncomfortable. This is about self preservation. You don’t owe strangers a peak into your life. Especially if they could be relaying information to people in your past.

6) Realize you probably have self esteem issues. This will attract people looking to use you as a booster. It also will attract people like you, who are open with their esteem issues. Either way, it’s draining for you. Stay away from these succubuses.

7) You might want to isolate after abuse. It’s normal to me. Someone took away your freedom. Now you’re trying to find yourself again. Anyone who doesn’t understand that isn’t positive.

8) Stay away from those who want to label you a certain way bc your behavior isn’t perfect after abuse. If someone thinks you’re controlling/untrusting bc of your own boundaries, screw them. You have a right to preserve yourself. And to avoid people who don’t make you feel good.

10) Try to trust but don’t do it blindly. Don’t confide in everyone. Like I said they don’t understand what you’ve been through and they could label you crazy which will further mess with your esteem.

11) Find one friend to trust. Someone who truly relates. Be grateful and loyal to them.

 

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