Without someone controlling her now, freedom was pleasantly overwhelming. The avenues in life she could take were open, but few had all the following: money, happiness, and personal skills. It seemed as if everything that would make her content, would leave her underpaid. It was difficult for her to find a balance in the occupational world. She knew this. But was determined to not make brash decisions, that lacked long term financial practicality.

Previous decisions left her lost but built her character. She worked all different places, with all kinds of people, and handled all kinds of situations. She felt her experiences were ususual, and finding her dream job was a needle in a haystack. It wasn’t a decision to be taken lightly, either.

The thought of being a “master” at something was honorable and intimidating. There was no way to just pick a major, with no passion in regards to it. Too often she saw people choose the easiest to get into program, express they did it solely for the money, or felt pressured by some outside force. She thought: how can you go into a field devoted to helping others, and not be genuine about your intentions? 

These kinds of people really went under her skin. (They also influence others to behave in similar disingenuous ways, which ultimately puts distrust in the service they provide). If someone is passionate, they’ll have more pride in maintaining an effective approach to others. She didn’t want to add to these people, so research and patience with herself played a role. This was difficult, since time costs money. Sacrifice had to be made, ramen noodle cups had to be bought, and luxuries few and far inbetween.

Nothing was going to be easy in this economy. She knew it. Nothing was the same as it was when her parents reached adulthood. It wasn’t as easy as picking yourself up by your bootstraps. Especially if you didn’t come from much to begin with. Especially if you came from the trailers, Kmart bikes, and second hand clothes kind of lifestyle. Then finding yourself becoming friends with the kid accross town who has a college fund and a power wheels. But some of the unappreciative children, would grow up to be mundane, regardless.

At least I built character. At least I can still care in the end, after everything I have been through. It’s so easy to give up yourself and other people. Too bad those who are actually empathetic, oftentimes are misunderstood. Too bad those who are disingenuous, oftentimes hide behind fallac smiles. I will not settle for becoming one of them. This chapter of my life will not just be for me, but for others who have struggled as well.