Surgery-Related Thoughts…

They think they know her; all that she’s been through. They see a pretty face and assume it brought her everything in life. As if she was born into an easy existence. But no, she was a nerd. Horribly picked on, humiliated, and alone most of her life. Thrown into lockers, marching in band, and reading to the other students.

But now some want to deny her pain. Judge based upon the last couple years of her life without listening to the whole story. So silly are they to think she lived a life of poshness? Furthest from the reality. Living on ramen, trying to get through college on her own dime was the real struggle. It felt good. I was once standing on two feet, until they literally gave out.

So it’s funny when people fill in the blanks of my life. A life where everyone has always taken care of me, you say? That would be nice. One where I just dove into endless hobbies everyday without any responsibilities? That’s nice, but realistically most Americans can’t afford such a thing. Most end up filing bankruptcy after job loss, medical bills, and unexpected circumstances.

So why were so many envious and judgmental when I got sick? When my legs decided they couldn’t move anymore? It wasn’t a vacation, with a margarita, and a unicorn floatie. It wasn’t a four star resort being in pain all hours of the day.

“Must be nice to take time off for surgery.” Must be nice to be able to work and not have your life interrupted by immense amounts of pain. That’s sarcasm seeping from my pores. Instead of being happy for me finally facing an inevitable surgery; some were judgmental or envious.

It showed me what some people really thought of me. It also made me realize how financially stressed people are, and how well they are at hiding it. I wish you all suffering, peace and understanding. Someday, someone will hopefully give you a perspective that causes you to be more compassionate.

One thing for sure, the perspective this surgery has given me on how important it is to not judge has been momumental. Those who stuck by me, cared for me, and empathsized: outvoiced all the negativity. They pushed me to keep going through the physical and mental pain. They watched me cry, laugh, and walk again. They showed me who I want to be again when I have two feet to stand upon, literally. And for that, I thank you.

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