Petals

This isn’t going to be some super positive post. This isn’t going to be about exercising, traveling, or what is my favorite recipe. I don’t have that privilege and I wish I did. Someday maybe I will be able to be lighthearted again, but that isn’t my reality right now. Nor do I even think I want it to be because no one’s life is as ideal as it seems online. I would rather be me: real, destructively passionate me.

These past two years have taught me a lot about people. It has been disappointing and empowering at times. One thing for sure is when you become sick: the world around you changes.

Some people view you as an easy target, to pick apart as if you are like a dead flower but little do they know you are not dead. You are more alive than most who live with more ease. Fighting to keep your body and mind going with more willpower than most can imagine. But they still try to peel the petals off until there is nothing left but the center. The center of your being. And if you let them, they can destroy you. And if you don’t, you still leave with some of your petals missing. And it hurts if you are human. You can’t turn a blind eye, ignore it, or try to hide. It hurts to be vulnerable already and have the people you thought you could trust, rip your petals off until you are left with nothing but your core. And it stares back at you in the mirror, as tears roll down your cheeks like warrior stripes painted upon your face. It is reminding you: you are a warrior who deserves to be treated as a human, not a burden.

That’s when you see it when no one else has. All the pain, will power, and battles you fought and won. They’ll tell you you’re not strong, you’re ungrateful, diminish your accomplishments, and leave you alone with terrible thoughts induced by their lack of empathy. But you keep fighting all the negative energy, trying to keep the single petal left on the blooming flower you once were. Because you know, you can find a way to bloom again, even without all the petals you once had. You can find a way to feel the sunlight upon your skin, smile, and realize there is more to life than pain. There is love eventually for everyone out there who is willing to keep just one petal left upon their torn apart flower.

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