When you become sick in any way the world changes. Whether you like it or not, some are going to abandon you. They will see you as cumbersome, burdensome, not fun, a failure, and lazy. They will make you feel like a pathetic scavenger and you see yourself being like a stray cat living off the community garbage cans. And everyone points at you out of pity or anger but you just keep trying to survive. You don’t even have the capacity to cry because you are always doing so with invisible tears. It’s almost like you become too exhausted to even speak.
Everything around you becomes focused upon survival. You avoid bill collectors, talking about your invisible job, and start to hide away in shame. Some take this personally which adds more stress and more isolation. It is the most lonely feeling in the world in the moment but I am here now to tell those going through this to hold on. There is some reason to hold on: to share your story with others who need inspiration.
All I can say is find unconditional love. Hug your pets who don’t care about your situation and just want to comfort you. Find people who act like your pets. They exist, they’ll stay, and they will not leave you at your worst.
I literally crawled on and off on my own lately to keep going. Martin Luther King would be proud. I don’t care what anyone thinks or says anymore about my life, my journey, and my faults. It is none of my concern but I thank the bitter voices for showing me how to create healthy boundaries. I thank you for showing me to be unlike those who do not show any empathy. Or as a stoic would say be unlike those who performed the injury. I may seem to be easy prey for some but at least I know who I am. No one is perfect but at least I can say I don’t seek out vulnerable people to abuse. The way I see it is the sick and vulnerable can become human punching bags for others who do not want to face their own truth. I pity those who do this and hope you find a way to change for the better. As for the vulnerable: if no one tells you, just know people like me exist and would give you a hug. And after you read this, I hope you feel less alone. 😪❤