“I don’t want someone else to enable you.” He said.
“What do you mean? Can you elaborate?” She asked.
“I mean in a good way.” He finally admitted.
She wanted to cry and smile at the same time. Finally, there were some words of truth. Finally, they spewed out in a childlike manner after he spent over a week taking away some of her gifts his parents bought her and punishing her for finally acting how he did for months. Even going so far as to accusing her of taking advantage when his parents helped because she was accepting of them; an accomplishment he could never obtain. Always squashing their beliefs as if they meant nothing in drunken rampages, feeling no emotion as his Mother cried on the phone. Lying to create narratives so he could obtain more money or the facade of always being the victim. Always biting the hand that enabled him, believing it would buy himself a kind of independence as well? No, little man boy. It never would. You had it all in your hand at the end of the road because in this world: money does equal power. Underneath it all, they did believe in your ability, invested in your future, and instead of believing in yourself: you chose to focus upon the past. You always have chosen to hold a grudge when there are others who receive no support, only demeaning comments and are forced to hold their heads up high while the world seemingly shouts it down. Congratulations on slamming down those who have had less opportunity than you as well.
It only punishes yourself in the end. Shackles your mind to losing the woman who actually cared and “secretly” seeking the promiscuous bar girl before true love even moved out. It only shackled your mind to enabling the people who loved you to fall with you. It only created a self-punishment through a kind of bottle and pill-induced amnesia so you could forget how you treat those who do love you. She doesn’t forget. It still hurts and haunts her dreams.
And she cannot take on the blame anymore. She cannot be your enabler in that manner if there is truly love there. She has to move on and stand her ground unlike your toxic friends and the women who actually will use you. She hopes you chose to save yourself in the end. She hopes you will end up creating boundaries, going on adventures instead of to bars, and accept the past cannot be changed. Then maybe, it could make you a more moral, upstanding, and beautiful person that exists buried beneath the misplaced rage. Chose life, not destruction. Take it from her: it will never be easy, but it’s better than living in the past.