Today is a new day. Miss Wheels thought. And they haven’t broken me down yet. They won’t. I’m already full of messed up bones and screws. I’m one step away from robotic legs someday. Maybe they’ll have rocket blasters in them so I can buzz over my enemies houses and throw nerf balls all over their lawns. Haha.
Wheels had given up on focusing on karma. That’s the beauty of it: it delivers with no intervention.
She had been punishing herself though for so long for the misdeeds of other people. She had isolated herself from going places that she felt would trigger a painful event from the past. But the truth is, if the right people are around to protect you, you do not need to worry. So slowly, Wheels began coming out of her safe haven. She slowly began doing things with her family again, hoping to remember what it was like to be able to enjoy oneself. Especially without having to be around irresponsible people.
Can’t you just hold your pee longer? His voice still echoes in her head with that question. Wheels was in a wheelchair, ready to pee herself and a past lover asked that question. She felt like an inconvenient animal and that feeling still resonates to this day. Then he “mingled” into the crowd, leaving her with strangers for help.
Now everytime she goes to an event, she is afraid to ask for help. She has become programmed to think of her condition as an annoyance for others. But a little ray of hope shines through when strangers or those around her, remind her she is not a burden.
This is what it must feel like getting older. This is why so many vulnerable people become miserable. How can I help when I can someday and shine a little ray of hope to these hopeless people? I use to do it over the phone and I miss it so much. I really do. It kills me every day I cannot function because I just want to help people and have my purpose back. Wheels thinks as tears roll down her face.
I have to find my tribe. I have to find people who are like me so together we can be strong. Sometimes you cannot do things alone. Sometimes it takes a little help.
It was that night Wheels finally reached out to some long lost friends. It was that night she decided to be vulnerably transparent everywhere with her struggles. And the universe brought her, her tribe. All the broken, poor, used, bruised, lost souls of the universe for a reason: to be helped and help in return.