Peace

      She had a heart of gold but you all painted her as the monster to avoid the truth, painful reality, accountability, and necessary introspection. She’s been dragging a black bag full of your insults, distorted realities, and diluted introspections around for years. Beating herself up inside until it all became clear.

Cripple. No one will ever want you. I just want you to have my children.
You’re stupid. You’re crazy. You’re entitled. You’re cumbersome. Gold digger. Lazy. You’re nothing without me. You don’t appreciate anything.

      It played inside her mind over and over again until she decided no, I am not any of these things. None of these people actually cared enough to know me, love me, or accept me. They were essentially throwing insults at a stranger. Throwing rocks from a glass house that was breaking beneath their feet. She was the target, running back and forth, trying to avoid the shattered glass while repairing the windows.
     But you know what? At least she was able to introspect, see what she needed to change in herself. No healthy boundaries, low self-esteem, no self-worth,  bad coping habits, and an inability to stand up for herself. This cocktail was the perfect concoction to attract the broken people in this world.
     So you were all right in a way, I needed to change some things about myself, but a lot of this was a reaction to toxicity around me. No one deserves to be used, belittled, kicked when they’re down. No one. No one deserves to be a stranger in their relationship, used like a piece of flesh then tossed away afterwards. No one deserves to be abandoned at a time of need, and left out in the cold. No one deserves to feel like nothing because they are struggling with health issues. No one deserves to be treated like creature rather than human. So I ask these people or those doing this to others, to please have the courage to face your own demons. No one has to suffer, including yourself. Please choose the light, happiness, love, and compassionate side in this world. Even after everything that has been done to me, I just want peace. Thank you.
    

    


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