I think I lost you a long time ago

We were younger but I knew

Nothing would be the same after I met you

You were the man who could turn me blue

the man who could make me wait for my queue

But when the chance came again

I realized I never knew you

Only the good part

While the bad broke me in two

Now I can’t even look at myself

Hate if I look too pretty

Because that’s the part you miss of me

And it’s sad you had to compete with me

Fill our relationship full of animosity

But everyone was stupid

According to your reality

Think you’re gods gift to humanity

Your ego ruined us

It was no surprise to me

I never put you down to make you stay with me

———–

Such a silly game to play with someone’s time

You loved me, but hated my mind?

But I couldn’t find anyone you didn’t mind

You get what you give, try being kind

———

I think I never had a chance

Coming out of a nightmarish romance

Insecurities running wild

While you insinuating I was trash

Repeating things said by my ex

Wounds always being rehashed

Don’t know if you realize I was unattached

Lying in a traumatic aftermath

Now I realize what had been done to me in the past

Don’t think they ever loved me in order for it to last

I hope you’re happy now

Always leaving a bloodbath.

Hey girl,

Why you actin’ so tall like?

Better wipe that grin off your face

You’re all hype

Seen plenty of girls like you before

Not my type

Rather go home and play games

That’s my life

Now go ahead

Take your strife

Write it down on a piece of paper

Shove it down, inside

Cuz being deflective is not nice

Either way I don’t want to hear your name twice

Luck’s on my side

Hear music in my head

While you struggle to get outta your bed

Drunk from the night before

Might as well drink some lead

little Ms. Queen thinks she owns the scene

But only owns a block of a pyramid scheme

Running her mouth

So called living a dream

Had enough of your face

The same self destructive routine

Your embarrassing yourself

Go get help

Spreading your disease

Then trying to be heartfelt

Get mad when people like me

Come out with a belt

Metaphorically whip you

Break you in two

So you know how it felt

Dealing with a the crap that you dealt

For no reason at all

While we already knelt

So go ahead please shut your mouth

All you’ve done is talk some kind of hell

So go ahead please start to yell

Act like I’m bad somehow

For standing up for myself

Not taking your crap like everyone else

I ain’t no puppet you put on your shelf

Hey, girl

Why you acting so tough?

Better quit talking that crap

Before your skies get rough

You may open your mouth

To some rich girl whos had enough

Then end up in court

When she calls out your bluffs

Acting like everyone else is crazy stuff

While you play people like a puppet master

So out of touch

With your own mask you wear so much

Think I’ve had enough

The sky opened up today

Said some spiritual stuff

And I’m miles ahead of you

You should be intimidated

By all the stuff I’ve been through

And survived

In time

I’ll see you fall, you fool

Quit talking yourself up

Go sit in a corner

Get actually cool.

I knew you’d be the death of part of me

Not the whole part though

Cuz I’m like a tree

I keep growing, going,

my heart behind me and it’s towing

like a wrecked car for everyone to see

You made sure I’d pay to be free

But you can’t see

You won’t stop my thoughts with fear

They’re traveling into different hemispheres

And I’m done crying these tears

Best I can do is warn others

Hope they hear

And I don’t even feel sad anymore

I realize it comes from being bored

Bored with a culture that needs numbers to keep a score

While I play in a different court

Where hardly anyone ever roars

When I try to speak less hardcore

they come after me for wanting more

Than scrubbing some floors

Ramen when I walk through the door

Feeling sick, belly aches

Right down to my core

Days are numbered like never before

It’s now it never

So I get off the floor..

Somedays I can’t get outside

Fearing the people in my past

So I just hide

Like a doll in a dresd

With no pride

I wish I could push it all inside

But it just comes back up

Cuz I lived in their lies

I knew some would never accept me

I remember climbing mountains as a kid

Then getting sent bad energy

So many people think they’re perfect as they be

But life isn’t about what you are

It’s about what you are trying to be

I will never understand the animosity

They were supposed to have my back, not add hostility

Always feeling humility

Since I was young,

Been alone in a big world

Without food to eat

No breathe to take within

That’s why I can’t only relate

To the people who had similar fate

Tears crept into my eyes

As a lady told me about the hate

She felt just as alone as I for god’s sake

Stop pushing people to a ledge

Life is not a piece of cake

I wish you could see how we relate

Instead of keeping your mask on

So no one can take

on the facade you create.

Everyone be callin’ me fake

When I defend myself for god’s sake

Got me squirming in my own shoes

Waitin for an earthquake

Want to watch the ground open up

Then swallow me up, call it fate

Instead, I somehow end up holding on to the ledge

Pulling myself up with the strength they said

I didn’t have left

And it’s sad that

You think you’re the best U bet

So go ahead bring dem sheep

ain’t no gangsta with your adolescent peeps

I’ve had enough of it

Watching y’all call yourself god and yell: biiitt…

Shh, I won’t even say it,

Your whole prerogative is I bite the bit

You created inside your mind but in time

You’ll see you’re just blind to yourself

And everyone with some health

Realizes you ain’t fooling anyone else

Go face your fears

what you don’t want to be felt

I’ve had many years alone and now I’m somebody else

Don’t underestimate me or I’ll send you to an asteroid belt

Hopefully ill have enough money someday to see that for myself

I try to help people like you

But I can’t hold your head up to see my point of view

Better get yourself together

Before you become light as a feather

Change is needed like the weather

Or this world will break you into two

It’s just cruel

So cruel

Everyone be callin’ me just a face

Look me up and down then all over the place

Act like I don’t notice and then I make haste

Go back home alone, because their judgments make me wish I had mace

Always end up feeling the same

End up alone in the night

wish some would take away the blame

Instead of hurt me, say I’m unworthy

Overprivileged, when I went without food to eat

No sleep

Feet literally taking away my sanity

While it felt like those who “supported” me,

wouldn’t just let me be

Please stop with the bad energy

There’s enough of it in this world i see

I’m just tryin to stop the bleed,

From all the games played because of my needs

Stop tryin to shame me, agreed?

Deflection is never the key

Find yourself instead of bringing me

inside of your self-created insanity

Cuz I will always want to be free

I will always want to be the real me

I ain’t your doll in some self centered story.

Silly me to think you would marry me

Silly me to think I found someone real to me

I don’t throw words to get in your head, you see?

You toss them around like a rehearsed scheme of mediocrity

Then say the same quote to all of us like it’s some kinda joke

Male feminist with no respect for a woman who is reasonably broke

Hitting on younger chicks,

Actin’ like you own your s***

But just a bloke sitting on your mama’s couch

Only go to the bar when you leave the house

And  let us not forget

How you’re creepy?

It’s not pretty

see through your fallacy

Don’t step to me

Or I’ll see you go straight to the penitentiary

Cuz your only goal is building a distorted reality

Just let me be or I’ll bring down the roof with glee

Cuz you have plenty of dem trees

That was a clever play on words

but can you understand me?

I’m not scared, paid my past due fees

come to my door,

I’ll deliver the consequences from before

You intimidated me

nothing but a coward in a sea of scoundrels

Grabbing onto the weak so you can gain power

To abuse, use, toss away, and bruise

Then blame me when I wake up from the curse you pursue

Now go ahead get back to your muse

a mirror image of yourself

So good luck you fool

Attention seeking, cheating, demeaning

Let’s see if you play cool

When someone plays by your own rules

 

Funny thing is you think you’re on top

Meanwhile I’m perfecting myself, so stop

You’re just giving me fuel

Trying to make me your tool

Bout to come out from hiding,

had enough of playing it cool

 

Silly me to think you’d just back off

Silly me to think you could have self doubt

In your eyes they all want to know what you’re about

But really they’re tired of you, so go shout

Even louder

Get a crowd here

Attract everyone who likes beer

You’re so typical

So freakin’ bored

Have no hobbies besides being a wh*re

I talked up your ex wife, found out more

Of your lies and its no surprise

She punched a hole through your door

Should have told her before about the girl who was more

you create cycles that always end

So everyone’s will you can bend

But it’s something else,

Ends with someone trying to kill themselves

After accepting your so called help

Go ahead take the next girl off the shelf

Doll her up into someone else

Tell her shes beautiful then tell her she needs help

Unconsciously I hope you feel like crap about yourself

Cuz sometimes it’s necessary to look at oneself

When you always put your games onto everyone else

But I have to thank you

For reminding me how much I’m due

How many people I’ve been nice to

To end up thinking how I could I end up blue?

Even more nonexistent to fools?

But maybe I’m just pretending to be dead

Using grey rock method, instead

Of giving you the attention you’re always fed

Good luck sleeping in your bed

Hope the nightmares of what you did to me are like lead

Going into your brain

Now go get sane

Now that you have no one around to blame.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is nothing for you

There is nothing for you

Here, anymore

There is nothing for you

There is nothing for you anymore

You grew into a bore for me

After awhile I had to see

It was all your inebriated fallacy

That’s why you were drawn to me

Deep rooted envy

Of the light you wanted to be

So now there is nothing for you

So now there is nothing for you

No more

You’ll have to watch from a far

Me break away from all the scars

You embedded inside my head

 

You put your hand over my cries for sanity

You told me you weren’t filled with vanity

Why’d you have to make me have to chose me?

Why did you play this game, rather than just let me be?

 

There is nothing for you

There is nothing for you

I tore myself into two

So now there is nothing for you

I took my shirt off my back

All you did was attack

What was left of me

Your wretched dichotomy

What you think you are

doesn’t come close to the reality

of your own mundanity

Your self-created hierarchy

in your own head

is a travesty

to all the good men around

You see?

 

So now there is nothing for you…

There is nothing for you

Go away

You turn my skies blue

With all the games you play, you fool.

 

Thanks for reading! ❤️(Photo by me as well).

I thought I finally found my home

Then you left me feeling alone

Crying with my broken bones

Afraid you would hear me

Go ahead throw your stones

But can i ask:

Where oh where did the man I love go?

Did he ever exist?

Or was it all just going to be a blow

To my head?

To a head

Already filled with lead

As words from the past

Still haunt me in bed

Telling me I’m as good as dead

To you

Such a fool I was to not protect the few

Pieces I had left of me

Now I see

I wasn’t free

In your arms

couldn’t let it be

The fabricated story

While all the girls around could see

You never would love someone like me

Eyes so cold

Always wandering

for the next prize to be

feeling so stupid now

I expected you to be…

sorry.