Turned to Stone

All my lovers turned black

Lost their way, never coming back

Turned from love, left me intact

Two bruised limbs, but not in lack

Started crawling on floors, now an upright act

Kept my dignity, while attacked

Haunting your dreams, truth is fact

Nothing can change, your odds are stacked


How are you all so blind to not see?

What you’ve done creates your reality

Can’t be undone, must pay the karmic fee

Look in the mirror, you’re your own enemy


All my lovers turned black

Lost their way, never coming back

Turned to stone, just like an artifact

Lifeless pupils, avoiding eye contact

My stitches and broke bones, all counteract

The stories you’ve told, being matter of fact

My voice is pure, demons react

You’ve all lost your way, don’t come back.

Don’t Hear You

I don’t hear you, your toxicity

Go waste your time, not my energy

Put me down so many times I see

Come back around with an apology

I don’t forget, I’ll forgive but your words aren’t meant

Better bend down and repent

For everything you’ve done will be exposed

It’s my destiny, why I’ve been sent


Hold on, holding on

Staying strong

While you vultures wait on my lawn

Not realizing you’re your own pawn


I don’t hear you, just so see through

Go waste your own space, it’s not my hate

Put me down for too long

Twenty years of feeling like a hunted fawn

I don’t forget, don’t suggest your drug cocktails of s*it

My minds unbreakable, physically a bit unstable

But I’ll guide you right back to the stable

Better realize you came for the wrong one, I’m capable

Of ending your freedom, noose it up on a cable

That was meant for me

Oh, it was meant for me.

Endless War

       It feels like an endless war. Her feet are black and blue and she’s staring at the screws that were removed as if they are trophies. Years of pain and suffering went by as these daggers pierced through her flesh. They all stare as if she’s not worthy. No compassion left from some people. They’re just as tired of the battle, but forget she’s in it fighting on the ground. Knees swollen, raging, but still going. Still trying to meet the expectations of others while slowly slipping away from herself.

      Everyone she loved abandoning the war. She did for awhile, thinking a broken sword couldn’t withstand the groups of oppressors; to be fixed always being the goal. They pick, poke, prod, and move her like a ragdoll into situations; her body never feeling as if it’s her own anymore. Her choices taken away at times like she’s nothing but an object. Just sitting on a wall waiting to be poked, prodded, and picked at until her feet become so fragile nothing is left.

What’s freedom? She thinks. I don’t know what it feels like anymore. It blew away and only part of it came back. Real freedom comes from acceptance but I don’t feel it anywhere around here.

      It’s like purgatory; waiting to die but still living. Her eyes swollen from a lack of sleep thinking about what she’s been through. At times she wonders how she lasted this long. There has to be a reason but people try to take her reasons away.

    The narcissists come in to revenge, destroy and try to elevate upon her suffering. Like a neverending game of cat and mouse, except with her life and circumstances. Stealing ideas, trying to take what she creates, ripping off pieces of her personality while her body fights a battle they know nothing about. They don’t understand what it’s taken to develop into an authentic being.

She was once young, cruel at times, and immature. But loss created a different version now; one that cannot be duplicated. Her art comes from pain, interests from isolation, and maverick-like state from always being on the outside looking in. Never an accepted individual in a group. Those words don’t mix. Like vinegar and oil they sway in a bottle until she walks away silently.

It’s her battle, her story, her persona that has influenced many who will not dare to admit it. To them it’s like admitting a peasant changed them while they view themselves as royalty. Royalty that was delusional or inherited or copied from people like her.

This online world is nothing but a breeding ground for illusionists. Who’s really real? She ponders then laughs. I see through it all and that’s why I only attract the occasional authentic being.




I don’t know why you are so cold

My bones break

With every step I take

But I still keep a smile upon my face

While you have everything

Yet still trying to take

My fate

Poisoned tongue, speaking hate

Judging me while you wouldn’t last a day

In my shoes

Ohhhh oh x2

I don’t know why there’s no sparkle in your eyes

My light barely stays alive

Amidst your false pride

But at least I have no ego

Stare in the mirror, appearing see-through

You could have everything

Yet still try to take others fate

Probably even pawn heaven’s gate

Having a heart when it’s too late

Wish I could disappear in the clouds

So I’d forget your face

Ohhh, ohhh x2

Miss Unbreakable

Her feet drag across the floor. Every inch feels like a thousands knives, but she’s determined to make it out alive.

He never loved any of us. She thinks.

Now the pain switches. She’s in Antarctica it feels, with white toes, and a they barely move from an internally created frostbite.

Just keep going. Get your life out of here.

Boxes are flown around, admidst distressed animals and her life creations lie scattered on the floor. It’s symbolic in a way to her; impossible to get back to at that time but waiting in a corner for her escape.

He lures her.

I don’t want to fight. Come here.

He takes her innocence, her wings scattered across the bed; an angel filled with lead. His mind infused with a drug concoction so severe it’s as if he’s possessed. A devilish spirit inside waiting to manifest, before her escape from the pits of hell.

And it’s a mind game. Does he remember even? The damage he’s done. Must be nice to forget but she never will. One thing for sure: it’ll never break her spirit.

It turns into a battle scene. The hallway dark, filled with unoriginal art like his own personality, and now even objects inside become a representation of his false self. Everything she has is the polar opposite of it.

He begs, pleads for her to stay, continue being the outlet for his frustrations in his fragile psyche but she has other plans. Plans to leave and start over. Create a life she deserved, instead of a life he controlled.

All I wanted was to love you. But you could make a dream turn into a nightmare.

The cats and dog lie next to her, depressed and knowing there’s good vs evil in the home. Her strength increases with each embrace they offer as she’s reminded of nature. Reminded of how much animals throughout her life were there; more than most people.

We could learn from these creatures and rid of the inflated ego. She thinks.

He’s already onto preparing his next victim while she fights for her health, life, and escape upstairs. Typical of a repeat abuser. Typical of a little boy posing as a man, taking from women, and playing victim.

Her life is in the back of cars, thrown about carelessly. Her lip split open from the night before from being treated as less than by a society who saw her feet as a problem. Ableism imbedded into their minds while they virtue signal online most likely

Her own handlebars were pushed into her mouth at the event until blood ran down her face. Trampled over like an invisible ghost. Framed as an unjustifiably angry person when anger was justified.

I’ll handle that issue later. Let them think they won. She thinks. Other matters need to be attended to. We’ll fight for their rights soon.

He seems to have no memory of what’s been done. Drinking until a state of amnesia. She’s gone now, escaped the grasp.

“I have your ring still.” He says after everything done.

She wanted to throw the ring into a river. She did not want any other woman enduring those kind of chains. Marrying the devil is a death to your soul. And she would rather struggle by herself than lose everything that inspires her.

He could never break her spirit. His own too broken already to even see the pieces thrown about. His walls tell stories that will forever haunt him once regret sets in. His bones will shrivel someday, mind will fade, and nothing will be left but the destruction he’s caused. No one will stick around but people like himself; it’s a curse he will never escape.

She will haunt his dreams, his unconscious riddled with fragments of what he’s done to not just her but everyone. There will be no redemption for people like him either. But for those who escaped, there will be freedom, love, inspiration and their voice will speak truth in a world filled with lies. This will bring those in fear out of the shadows and into the light.

No more hiding from fear. None of you have to fear. We will fight together against these types of monsters.

Discrimination Against those with Different Needs

She sees a lady in a parking lot waiting for her ride. She’s in a wheelchair, it’s cold and it’s more than something she’s just observing. It’s the world now. It’s the way she sees this scenario often that rattles her psyche; perhaps someone is just running late? But is this the way the world is now?

Big question. It feels as if it decomposes parts of her brain with stress so she avoids it sometimes. But not anymore. Have most humans lost compassion? Are we so consumed by things that don’t matter, people with different needs have taken a back seat? I think so.

Why do these types of specific people not matter it seems? Are we disposable to society? They won’t say it but we feel it. We feel it when our ride is late, when someone gives a backhanded comment, or straight up spews hatred over something we cannot control.

Others can go venture into the world and not worry about the judgments that we have to. They can exist and feel as if that’s okay, but not us? Should I shove myself into a corner and die for the amusement of those who discriminate against people who have disabilities? That’s heavy sarcasm there incase no one picked up on it, but this is how it feels. It feels as if you’re sent backwards into time and dealing with some people who would let you die off if it was legal. And unfortunately, that’s a reality now. I know of countless stories of those with my condition who were not treated fairly and ultimately chose to relocate for legal euthanasia. Rather than funding research or trying to find a cure, they give some the option of giving up.

As for those who perpetuate the discrimination against others; they’ll almost never outright admit their discrimination. Over the years, I’ve personally had people follow me asking uncomfortable questions (borderline stalking), stare me down for parking where I need to, tell me the pain is all in my mind (funny thing is, it’s neurological so), ask me the same question every single time I see said person, had people I thought were supportive turn on me for not being an “inspiration”, had some medical professionals use gaslighting, and even had someone in a romantic relationship tell me no one will want me due to my pain condition. Ouch, right? Now imagine with each step you take having pain that’s unbearable and dealing with this type of behavior consistently?

I hope people who engage in this type of discrimination realize they are not only harming a person who is battling something they know nothing about, but it could also create the type of culture that support hate crimes. Statistically speaking, those with disabilities are more likely to be abused, neglected, and/or assaulted. It’s time for change to occur in how we treat and perceive others who have different needs. Thank you.

Rejection and Reactions

Rejection can be difficult to accept. No one wants to be rejected by another person but the reality is it will happen. In my experience, most people have not responded well. This needs to change.

There are many reasons why someone might reject another person that has nothing to do with the other person. Perhaps, they are not ready to date or be in a relationship. Maybe they have suffered too much trauma and would rather focus on themselves. Maybe they are going through something personal and feel it wouldn’t be fair to another person to also deal with that struggle. Perhaps they’ve had too many bad experiences and prefer to be alone at this point in life. Regardless, it is the choice of that person to reject another.

If it is a reason related to the person being rejected they could lack the self-awareness to realize this. The conversation could be uncomfortable to have and result in hurt feelings. In my opinion, looks are not healthy to solely focus upon but if a person is not attracted whatsoever to the other person this can be a hindrance. If a person has bad hygiene, dresses inappropriately when invited to certain places, and/or doesn’t take care of themselves it can be a major red flag and turn off. Some will say it is shallow to look at appearance but in reality it is the first thing the world sees and responds to. If everyone showed up to an interview with inappropriate attire, they would be less likely to make a decent impression. Same goes for dating. Also, people have preferences. Some might like certain fashions while others do not. Don’t try to bend yourself to another person as well and lose yourself. Some people will accept the look you’re going for. Why change when the person you’re seeking could be right around the corner?

Too often, people cannot handle rejection because it hurts. It deep down makes a person wonder why but my point here is to help those hurting to understand there could be a reason that has nothing to do with you or if it does then it could be personal preference. What’s not okay to do is belittle, degrade, humiliate and/or continuously ask why if the person doesn’t feel comfortable discussing it. For all you know they could have had an awful past experience and you’re adding to their anxiety. Also, it is never a good look to not be able to handle rejection. If anything it validates the other person’s decision that you are not ready to handle dating let alone a relationship. Healthy people eventually move on and accept the decision. Healthy people don’t let other people dictate their value either. Like I said, someone could be around the corner who is the right fit but some people are too focused upon the person who rejected them. Handle rejection with grace, class, and respect. Value yourself enough to walk away and find someone else.

Flying Monkeys in Society

When someone says something awful about another person most people will wonder why? Some do not. In fact, they might go so far as to become a flying monkey for a disordered individual. By flying monkey, I mean do their bidding for them. These types of people don’t want any legal consequences for false statements about another person. Or they want to intentionally confuse their target to the point where the person has no idea where it is originating from.

Unfortunately, I have had to deal with this too often. I believe the intention is to isolate, intimidate, and humiliate the target until they either: a) become angry. b) develop a mental health issue. c) walk away feeling defeated. Regardless it is an absolute dehumanizing experience I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. Personally, I have been told or been confronted with the following rumors: A) I’m biologically male when I’m biologically female. B) My medical condition is contagious when I don’t have any contagious diseases. C) I’ve had audio of me manipulated to paint me in an awful light. D) Told I was lying about experiencing abuse when I have proof. E) I have never worked in my life when I have. F) I’m an addict when the people spreading this tried to peer pressure me into becoming one. G) I live in my Mom’s basement which is untrue. H) My art is not my own when I can prove it is.

Imagine being stuck defending yourself from untrue statements that not only have real-life consequences but leave you with trauma. Imagine waking up each day trying to simply move on but having a group of people focused upon not letting you do so. I can say with confidence, even after all the injustices done to me that I have never contacted someone’s friends, family, or new lover in attempt to derail their life. I have let some of the worst characters walk away into their own karma without intervening to that extent.

Flying monkeys have become socially accepted to the point where victims are now villains. People have no clue they are supporting the further abuse of others by supporting and speaking gossip about the person who escaped. If they do have a clue, they are just as disordered as the person who originated such manipulation. A chunk of society needs to wake up to the fact at some point they supported some of the worst people because of the discrediting and smearing of victims by flying monkeys. Until people are educated on the red flags associated with smear campaigns and flying monkeys they will continue to be part of the problem.

Like a Wave

You came in like a wave

Took over my shore

Caused nothing but pain

Built your castles with pieces of mine

Put my soul in a bind

Wrapped my mind with pieces of twine

Then took off in a boat

Waving at the shoreline

If the waves could speak

The story would be endless in time

I’d say I wish you the best

But it’d be a lie


There’s no honor in what you did

There’s no fear in my heart within

I’ll strike you down, you’re full of sin

Now you’re peddling backwards

Thinking it’s a win


You came in like a storm

But I’m used to waves crashing upon my shore

Enough has been said

I’ll anchor your head

With the thoughts you gave me

Left me depressed in bed

Prepare for the blind travels up ahead

But without the stars

A ship is empty lead

Just like your soul

Gluttonous, waiting to be fed

It’ll always leave you shipwrecked

Surrounded by destruction and death

Now I’m sailing away off to new shorelines

Time on my side, no longer in a bind

I feel the sunshine replace the moonlight

The sunshine replace the moonlight.