Cat Art
Cats
Allergic to Shellfish on Christmas
Kinda funny. I was eating pasta last night as the family gathered. After a few minutes I realize the calamari is in the sauce. Big problem. I start getting crampy, thinking maybe I just need to poop. Nope, it isn’t even digesting right so i am way far ahead of the process haha. First comes the headache, then the feeling of a lump of coal in my tummy, and then the hot and cold issues start. Finally my gut lets it all out and it looks almost like I vomited a bunch of Christmas decorations. I start laughing like a crazy person because who would have thought this would happen on Christmas Eve. I managed to stay away from foods like this the entire year but yeah haha encountered it on the Holiday. Finally trying to fall asleep at 3 am, shaking like a baby in the fetal position because I am cold. Then it happens. My cats one by one circle around me as if instinctively trying to keep me warm. I am kinda whimpering like a baby and Juan the cat no joke puts her paw over my mouth. I don’t know whether she was trying to shut me up or maybe she was trying to calm me down. Either way it was quite amusing. I think it is beautiful really though how animals can adapt so well to one person it almost is as if words become nothing. They look at you, you look at them, you know when its play time or when it is time to cuddle up and nap. Their eyes speak volumes and remind me love can exist without words.
My Cats (My Girl Cover)
I’ve got friskies on a nice plate
When it’s cold outside I’ve got the cats all day
I guess you’d say
What can make me the crazy cat lady?
My cats, my cats, my cats
Pettin’ all my cats, my cats
I’ve got so much litter my gas points are envied
I’ve got a robot laser light so they can play without me.
Well, I guess you’d say
What can make me the crazy cat lady?
My cats, my cats, my cats
Pettin’ all my cats, my cats
Meow Meow Meow
Meow Meow Meow
Ooooh.
I don’t need no dog, horse, or fish
I’ve got all the kitties, baby, one woman can miss.
Well, I guess you’d say
What can make me a crazy cat lady?
My cats, my cats, my cats
Pettin’ all my cats, my cats.
I’ve got catnip on a boring day
With my cats.
I’ve even got the shots done in May
With my vet
Talkin’ bout
Talkin’ bout
Talkin’ bout
My cats
oooohhh
My cats
As long as I live I will talk about my cats….
You’re a Cat and I’m a Weirdo (Radiohead Parody)
When you were here before
Couldn’t let you inside
You had fleas crawling all over
and your skin broke out in hives
you scared me frequently
in your garbage can
I wish you just ate the food
But you’re so fucking skiddish
but you’re a cat
I’m a cat lady
What the hell am I suppose to do?
I can’t not feed you
I don’t care if it costs
I want to avoid animal control
I want a trap set
I want to see you grown
I want you to notice when I am helping
you’re so fucking dirty
I wish I could bathe you
but you’re a cat
I’m a cat lady
What the hell am I suppose to do?
I have to feed you…
Cat’s running out on the lawn
Cat’s running out
It runs runs runs
Whatever makes you purrr
Whatever you need
You’re so fucking skiddish
I wish I could catch you
But you’re a cat
I’m a catlady
What the hell am I doing out there?
Trying to save cats
Trying to save cats….
Cats, Cats, Cats
Cats I love you…I love you all
hehehe, hehehe, for reals
I love cats, cats, cats, cats…
cats I do adore…
so get your rabies vaccination
cuz I’d love to take ya…
Pet cha when I get off work, yeah.
I got this Juanita, she doesn’t like to roam
so she calls me mamacita de la comida
Meows when she sees me come home
I’m like, “un momento” – Juanita, slow up your appetite
I got this tiger cat, he doesn’t know how to act
Always running under the bed, about to snap
He’s like, “Listen I have anxiety, I don’t care you betta step back
You better respect the social skills I lack.”
I got this needy cat that loves to stick out his hip
He thinks he’s Elijah Minnelli, and likes to flip
My little cutie can be hell
but then turn around all bipolar and have mercy as well.
Have mercy, you cute as fuck but you givin’ me work
I got this calico cat the day I met her
Asked her where her owner was, but let her sit on the leather
She meowed all you need to know is I’m not owned
And to have me you better have the vet phoned
Now that’s a calico, tiger, black, and brown
That’s turkey n giblets, temptations, damn getting’ fat
Now some arroz con pollo, cat chow, or I get all frowns
I love…
I love cats, cats, cats, cats…
cats I do adore…
so get your rabies vaccination
cuz I’d love to take ya…
Pet cha when I get off work, yeah….
I love cats, cats, cats, cats
cats all over the globe
I come scoop you from that parking lot , you all skiddish on the floor
Fix your furs in the groomers, let’s roll…c’mon
I got this young cat, she’s so lazy
She like, “Why don’t you buy me treats no more?”
Like to whine and moan, and roll all over the floor
All up in my dollars, just to get some more…
Got a barn cat, that plays all day
And if it gets bored he will just lay
Got a grown cat been with me from the start
Not always affectionate but has a good heart….
I had this other cat that reminded me of him
but he is no longer around now cuz a car hit his limb…
God damn it’s sad but he went in the street all the time
Got frequent runovers like this left our hearts in a bind
but he looks from heaven wearing a crown
king of the road but never coming back down….
So I had to create a cat family
Now that’s a lot of food, litter, and shots
That means I go to the vet a lot, but at least I know her
That’s means I’m a animal lover, pets cats, and stay inside
but I never have a problem coming home cuz….
I love….
cats, cats, cats, cats
cats, I do adore.
Responses to the Absurdities in Life. The Funny and the Not So Funny. 