Allergic to Shellfish on Christmas

Kinda funny. I was eating pasta last night as the family gathered. After a few minutes I realize the calamari is in the sauce. Big problem. I start getting crampy, thinking maybe I just need to poop. Nope, it isn’t even digesting right so i am way far ahead of the process haha. First comes the headache, then the feeling of a lump of coal in my tummy, and then the hot and cold issues start. Finally my gut lets it all out and it looks almost like I vomited a bunch of Christmas decorations. I start laughing like a crazy person because who would have thought this would happen on Christmas Eve. I managed to stay away from foods like this the entire year but yeah haha encountered it on the Holiday. Finally trying to fall asleep at 3 am, shaking like a baby in the fetal position because I am cold. Then it happens. My cats one by one circle around me as if instinctively trying to keep me warm. I am kinda whimpering like a baby and Juan the cat no joke puts her paw over my mouth. I don’t know whether she was trying to shut me up or maybe she was trying to calm me down. Either way it was quite amusing.  I think it is beautiful really though how animals can adapt so well to one person it almost is as if words become nothing. They look at you, you look at them, you know when its play time or when it is time to cuddle up and nap. Their eyes speak volumes and remind me love can exist without words.

 

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My Cats (My Girl Cover)

I’ve got friskies on a nice plate

When it’s cold outside I’ve got the cats all day

I guess you’d say

What can make me the crazy cat lady?

My cats, my cats, my cats

Pettin’ all my cats, my cats


I’ve got so much litter my gas points are envied

I’ve got a robot laser light so they can play without me.

Well, I guess you’d say
What can make me the crazy cat lady?

My cats, my cats, my cats

Pettin’ all my cats, my cats

Meow Meow Meow

Meow Meow Meow
Ooooh.

I don’t need no dog, horse, or fish

I’ve got all the kitties, baby, one woman can miss.

Well, I guess you’d say
What can make me a crazy cat lady?
My cats, my cats, my cats

Pettin’ all my cats, my cats.

 

I’ve got catnip on a boring day

With my cats.

I’ve even got the shots done in May

With my vet

Talkin’ bout

Talkin’ bout

Talkin’ bout

My cats

oooohhh

My cats

As long as I live I will talk about my cats….

You’re a Cat and I’m a Weirdo (Radiohead Parody)

When you were here before

Couldn’t let you inside

You had fleas crawling all over

and your skin broke out in hives

you scared me frequently

in your garbage can

I wish you just ate the food

But you’re so fucking skiddish

 

but you’re a cat

I’m a cat lady

What the hell am I suppose to do?

I can’t not feed you

 

I don’t care if it costs

I want to avoid animal control

I want a trap set

I want to see you grown

I want you to notice when I am helping

you’re so fucking dirty

I wish I could bathe you

 

but you’re a cat

I’m a cat lady

What the hell am I suppose to do?

I have to feed you…

Cat’s running out on the lawn

Cat’s running out

It runs runs runs

 

Whatever makes you purrr

Whatever you need

You’re so fucking skiddish

I wish I could catch you
But you’re a cat

I’m a catlady

What the hell am I doing out there?

Trying to save cats

Trying to save cats….

Cats, Cats, Cats

Cats I love you…I love you all

hehehe, hehehe, for reals

I love cats, cats, cats, cats…

cats I do adore…

so get your rabies vaccination

cuz I’d love to take ya…

Pet cha when I get off work, yeah.

I got this Juanita, she doesn’t like to roam

so she calls me mamacita de la comida

Meows when she sees me come home

I’m like, “un momento” – Juanita, slow up your appetite

I got this tiger cat, he doesn’t know how to act

Always running under the bed, about to snap

He’s like, “Listen I have anxiety, I don’t care you betta step back

You better respect the social skills I lack.”

I got this needy cat that loves to stick out his hip

He thinks he’s Elijah Minnelli, and likes to flip

My little cutie can be hell

but then turn around all bipolar and have mercy as well.


Have mercy, you cute as fuck but you givin’ me work

I got this calico cat the day I met her

Asked her where her owner was, but let her sit on the leather

She meowed all you need to know is I’m not owned

And to have me you better have the vet phoned

Now that’s a calico, tiger, black, and brown

That’s turkey n giblets, temptations, damn getting’ fat

Now some arroz con pollo, cat chow, or I get all frowns

I love…

 

I love cats, cats, cats, cats…

cats I do adore…

so get your rabies vaccination

cuz I’d love to take ya…

Pet cha when I get off work, yeah….

I love cats, cats, cats, cats

cats all over the globe

I come scoop you from that parking lot , you all skiddish on the floor

Fix your furs in the groomers, let’s roll…c’mon

 

I got this young cat, she’s so lazy

She like, “Why don’t you buy me treats no more?”

Like to whine and moan, and roll all over the floor

All up in my dollars, just to get some more…

Got a barn cat, that plays all day

And if it gets bored he will just lay

Got a grown cat been with me from the start

Not always affectionate but has a good heart….

I had this other cat that reminded me of him

but he is no longer around now cuz a car hit his limb…

God damn it’s sad but he went in the street all the time

Got frequent runovers like this left our hearts in a bind

but he looks from heaven wearing a crown

king of the road but never coming back down….

So I had to create a cat family

Now that’s a lot of food, litter, and shots

That means I go to the vet a lot, but at least I know her

That’s means I’m a animal lover, pets cats, and stay inside

but I never have a problem coming home cuz….

I love….

cats, cats, cats, cats

cats, I do adore.