To Help Survivors ❤

How long will you let them control you? How many years did you sacrifice worrying about the people who did not worry about you? How many nights did you cry silently because you did not want people to yell at your tears? How many years went by where you couldn’t focus on yourself because you spent nights waiting for their arrival in fear?

It is time to wipe those tears and embrace what you were always afraid of: giving up on the people who gave up on you. And it isn’t going to be easy reprogramming your mind back to where it was before it all happened. And perhaps, it will never be the same. But know, you survived like a warrior. You came out of a battle some people do not survive and some people will never comprehend. And it isn’t your duty to explain yourself, your reasons for staying, your reasons for going back, and your reasons for loving the people who could never love you back. Forgive yourself. For you had tried to face another person’s demons while facing your own. While trying to survive an already cruelly set up world. And in all the darkness, you brought a light. One so bright, it attracted the lost souls out of the darkness. It was not your fault. And trust me, for years you thought it was, rummaging through self help books, videos, and picking yourself apart to pieces. A task few people attempt to do for a lifetime. In the end, you realized you were not perfect but you were nothing like those who hurt you.

So shine my beautiful survivors. Shine so bright that the world can see you are every color of the rainbow. Shine from the moment your eyes open to the moment they close at night. Even if it hurts to try because you are so exhausted by now. You owe it to yourself more than anyone in this world to realize who you are: a survivor and not a victim.

Now She’s Gone

         Poof! Now she’s gone! Like the song by Felt no one ever knows she references. At least she can admit an ex introduced her to the band, rather than act as if she found it herself. Desiring to look cool to possible dating prospects. Ha ha. Go right ahead, add that one to your playlist as well. Like the other songs she tried to listen to, that you didn’t let her, and post to your facecrap so the next woman can think you can terrific taste in music. More like her taste in music. Rainbow kitten surprise, Kasey Musgraves, Theo Katzman, Chet Faker. The list could go on. I am sure she will eventually see a mutual friend of yours on facecrap post pictures at one of these artists concerts with you. Just know she won’t be jealous. It doesn’t work. She will always find music, venues, and people to hang out with. Go see the bands that are no longer at their prime like the Counting Crows, or ones you had already seen a decade ago but cannot remember for reasons I will not say. You don’t even have the motivation to find your own taste in music. That speaks volumes.

       So go ahead you can try to replace the now ex Fiancée with one of the many women you kept chatting on the side, while acting like you were ready to settle down. Any woman would have seen it as a red flag. And let me make this clear, go ahead with your smear campaign; but she is not a pedophile accuser. The replacement though is nineteen years old and you are in your late thirties. People will judge but you two are perfect for each other. She lies about having a boyfriend, has no self respect, attention seeks and is immature. By the way, so cool to act as if you were always platonic friends, when the reality was far from it. So cool to invite ex dating prospects to events. And “just chatting” with them late hours of the evening while knowing you would be upset if your now ex Fiancée started doing the same.

        Oh, dare I mention the infamous line? “Oh, I would beat a guy if he pet you.” Meanwhile, letting your now ex Fiancée watch your double standards, deep rooted in misogynistic, alpha male stereotypes. You think she was dumb, huh? Not dumb, but maybe dumb for loving you so much she put up with things no normal woman would have. The truth is: she loved you since she was nineteen years old and first laid eyes on you. She saw potential. But as ten years past, you decided to just give up on yourself. Decided to not contribute to society or do anything to better yourself. Instead, it seems you gave up while expecting some kind of miracle to save you from yourself?

         Was she supposed to be that miracle? After you told her she expected people to take care of her, while she went through extensive surgeries? Did you think it did not hurt when you assumed she was a “golddigger.” She worked full time during college, after college, and up until she had to do surgery. Basically since she was sixteen years old. God forbid unseen health circumstances arose that she had to address. So kind of you to judge rather than listen. So kind of you to literally regurgitate her previous abusive exes insults and continue to imbed it into her head? Didn’t think of the fact, you might be reopening wounds rather than leaving the scars she healed alone. And let’s not even get into the fact your own resume hasn’t looked great in ten years, but you were perfectly abled bodied. Throw your stones while living in a glass house, right?

        And one must ask: how many other women were supposed to be a life changing miracle for you? How many ended up hurt? Why do you think it is fair to expect so much emotional support while treating women as disposable once the honeymoon phase wears off? You think telling everyone your exes did to you what you really did to them  isn’t going to be figured out? You think you have people fooled but really the joke is on you. And it is not a funny joke to actually live the way you do. It is sad.

       All us past women once had faith you would tell the truth when asked, but after repeated lie after lie; the trust was gone. You expect to build a solid foundation off of no truth. She had to see with her own eyes your lies to wake up. And when she saw undeniable evidemce: you lied again. Gaslit her like the nineteen forties movie. What was next? A flickering of the lights, then telling her she was seeing things? No one deserves to live that way. No one. Not so you can maintain your façade. She wanted to live in truth, not lies.

      But what really sticks out and probably always will is the way you purposed. The casual handing over of the ring in the car, then the infamous line: “nw you can rub it in my best female friend’s face.” She wishes she could replace it with anything else. As a child, she envisioned a man at least getting on one knee and muttering four words. Such an expectation, right? She knew she was right in feeling like a pawn in a game riddled with jealously inducing antics, based upon your own insecurities. It was as if she wasn’t even a human to you. It was as if you failed to see how embarrassing it would be to explain to other people how you purposed. But looking back, she now sees it as a blessing. She now sees she was lucky to have not married someone who couldn’t even get on one knee like a gentlemen and say four words. Someday, when she finally finds a man who kisses her forehead at night, never wants to see her shed a tear, and actually wants a real commitment, you will probably think: I wish I never let her go. But she won’t try to remember you by then. She will create memories she deserves to have with someone who deserves her.

The Stones-Part One

She was a sweet girl. The kind that would love anyone not even worthy. She was loving at some point, but in a dangerous manner. Which resulted in her being preyed upon in her younger years by some of the worst of vultures. An easy target once with her lack of understanding of the world; but now thats changed.

The world has become painfully real. She observes behavior for what it is. That is what is killing her inside now and she knows it. So many vultures in the world, that she aches for a rest. Moments where she could just close her eyes and catch up to the present, by facing a brutal past. She never felt like she had rest. And one night, her need for rest came, but in the strangest of forms.

“Come here.” A voice whispered.

But there was no one there at first. She kept ignoring these voices for months. Thought it was just her depression going through a cycle. Perhaps worsening then later improving. Until he appeared one terrifying day. A man without a face and bag of stones. He left her two stones with eyes painted upon them. She screamed, like any normal person would have.

“Go away! Go away!”

Her mother rushes towards her, shocked at what she is witnessing. Her daughter, cowered in the corner, as if death was upon her.

“Do you see it? That thing with the bag of stones? Do you..?!”

“There’s nothing here. It’s alright… it’s.. hunny!” She calls the father.

“Yes?! What is..”

“Call 911, grab my jacket…our daughter is in trouble! Quickly!”

“But mom, I don’t want to go anywhere. What are they going to do to me?”

“I will be right there with you. Nothing is going to happen to you. We just need to figure out what is going on hunny.”

The ambulance is flying to the hospital as if she has just been in an accident. Her mother is more nervous than she. The empty face man is staring at her in the corner of the ambulance. Just staring, freaking her out silently. She’s afraid to tell her mother how long they have had this secret staring contest. Sometimes she would wake up to him levitating above her.

She knows it must be scary for people who can’t see what she sees. It feels like she is nothing but a burden, with a broken mind. That her alive inside too.

“Almost there hunny. Hang tight.”

“He’s sitting there. He’s calm now.”

“Okay. Good.” Her mom responds, realizing her daughter might have a long term relationship with this thing.

Of course they order scans of her brain, to rule out any possible tumors or other abnormalities. It all comes back negative. The faceless man still finds corners to just sit and stare at her in the meantime. Smiling, still carrying his creepy stones.

Is he admiring me? She thinks. Does he hate me and want me to torture me? I’m so confused. Is this some kind of symbolic breakdown? Is he all the messed up people I have loved? What is he to me? 

All these IV’s are being started again admidst this chaotic mess inside her head. Everytime she is poked with a needle, the faceless man smiles. He seems to enjoy watching her suffer.

What a sick thing?!  She thinks.

Her mother and everyone in the room is looking upon her as if she is some kind of experiment gone wrong. It only adds to the stress, but she doesn’t blame them. This is like living in an alternate reality, only certain people have experienced. She doesn’t even think the devil deserves it, as she watches her tears fall, and the faceless man grin some more.

 

Miss Voiceless Part One

She runs frantically through the aisles, not noticing how frantic she appears to other people. He will probably be waiting for her when she gets back. A shame, since she hardly ever leaves the apartment. A fight will of course ensue; a raging battle, where all her fears come to life. She went to the store: a betrayal of trust in his delusional eyes. This made her stay at home mostly to avoid an argument. She tried everything to avoid an argument.

There was nothing normal about it. She clung to her pillow at night, silently crying, and hoping her would not hear a sound. He hated when she cried. He hated when she laughed, too!  He looked upon her as if she was auctioned off to him, and had no right to feelings. He wanted to control her, not love her. He wanted to brand her emotionally, to keep her in her place. Like a little doll who never spoke.

His words stayed with her most days. He’d leave to work and sometimes without ever saying goodbye. Other times, yelling at her before he left. She tried her best to keep things up, but he never paid attention. It was the one pair of pants she didn’t wash, the natural wearing of utensils, the way she cleaned up after his laziness, etc. Nothing done was seen and all he could see was the negative perception he wanted to.

This was an emotional death trap he started.  She felt never good enough as a result. She neglected herself as a result. She pondered all about his other options, because she felt like one. The opposite of real love; to treat someone as if they are replaceable. But deep down, he was the one truly hurting, but taking that pain out on her.

Fueled by a narcissistic culture, he praised the weak and was disgusted by the strong. He embraced a misogynistic perspective without being aware of it. His echochamber of madness, affected everything and everyone around him. He influenced others, and to her she felt like it was the 1950’s again for women in some ways.

Although she did not mind some aspects of the 50’s culture, she felt some modern men ideally want a woman who: pays half the bills, takes care of any children, takes care of the house, and cooks. This perspective was unfair in her eyes.

Are most men like this deep down inside? Do some clean and cook alongside their partner? I think it’s rare in my own experiences, but I don’t know about anyone else’s experiences. All I know is teamwork is the best method. No one becomes exhausted that way. 

And that was the truth. He initially exhausted her. When she had a job, he wasn’t considerate. He didn’t care if she got any sleep, cleaned without his help, cooked a full meal and did dishes until midnight. He didn’t care she could lose everything if he couldn’t chip in once on awhile. It wasn’t about building something together, but rather what he could build out of her.

It disgusted her. The way he put so much effort into appearing a certain way. He cared so much about his car, his hair, his smile, his money, and his material possessions. He spoke ill of others who did not embrace his same sentiment. He treated people like dollar signs, not humans. Those who had less, made less money, or were in unfortunate situations, did not have his sympathy. He blamed the poor for being poor, and praised the rich for being rich.

She felt like one of them to him: a poor disappointment. She thought if she had more money, he might actually love her. The thought sometimes made her resent herself, then oftentimes him as well.

Even when I almost had it all, he didn’t even notice anything but himself. She thought.

Now more than ever she had seen the situation for what it was: dehumanizing. As she pulled off each petal of a flower, she imagined letting the past go. It had been months, and his insults still were part of her thought processes. She knew it wasn’t going to be as simple to rewire her brain, as it was to pull pedals off of flowers. But she was one of the ones who woke up, rather than lived in a slumber. And those kinds of people have stories to tell, and voices to be heard.

 

 

 

Miss Revived Part 6

The next day at work was gut wrenching.

“Suz! Get I go that pan cleaned up for me as soon as you can!” Her boss said while throwing it into the hours worth of a pile.

I hate my life right now. All I’ve been through and I end up back here, cleaning the filth of society or being a modernized servant. She thought.

“Do you think that’ll wash itself Suz?”

“No boss. I’m sorry.”

Am I a whiner right now? They all look at me oddly when I cannot focus upon mundane tasks because my brain is constantly thinking of philosophical questions without answers. 

Even when Suz thought she wasn’t moving fast enough, she was. The looks she received seemed to be mostly admiration, envy, or nothing deep at all. Suz seemed to think everyone wasn’t on her side until they proved otherwise though. A skeptic of most; a lover of a few worthwhile.

I can’t wait to get out of here. Anything is better than having my hands burning in hot filth dish water. She thinks.

“Good job today.” Her boss said with half the meaning behind it.

“Thanks.” Suz attempted to reply genuinely to the disingenuous tone.

The smell of fresh air ignited her senses like a match to a gas stove. She always would stroll into a nearby park, escaping the busy streets and reminiscing about the way the corn fields smelled. The sounds of birds chirping in the morning and the crickets at night. It all gave her a kind of peace, nothing or nobody could. The park was an escape, her drug compared to everyone else’s usually toxic choice.

“Suz! Suz!” A familiar voice yelled, disturbing her peace.

“I thought that was you!”

“Oh hello Ciera! It has been a long time! How are you?” Suz asked, hoping she wouldn’t ask her too much.

“Same old. Going to college. Parents paid up my apartment for a few months, so just catching up on studies. They seem to think I should have a 3.5 but this was their idea to send me here. I’m just going through the motions to appease them for now. Haha.” Ciera admits.

“Well I guess that’s better than not being in school.”

“I suppose. I’d rather be out working sometimes, but I know they’d give up on me if I dropped out. So feels like I have no choice.” Ciera said while looking depressed.

“You could trade lives with me? Haha! Want to wash dishes and try to go to college? I feel like a crane lifted me and kept dropping me up and down all day. I’ve change in my car, slept on benches, carried 10 hours of classes worth of books. And I don’t even have if it’ll be worth the investment? Haha! All I can do is hope. And hope sometimes isn’t enough.”

“That’s definitely deep Suz. I’m sorry I forgot how much you’ve been the recently, with the hospital and all? I don’t want to upset you by mentioning it but I was worried. Look if you ever need anything, like a night out.. it’s on me. Well, my parents really. Haha! That sounds horrible but I sometimes forget how well I have it. It’d definitely make me feel less selfish to do something nice for someone else. Plus, I can tell you need it more than me.”

“I truthfully don’t know what I need. I don’t think anyone can give me what I need either. I just want to get to a point where I can give and give. It’s so much better for those in this world who have more to give. They have a choice; give or be self absorbed. It is actually quite a powerful one. I hope I can get there someday and be a positive influence. I don’t think anyone can help me but myself Ciera. But, thank you. If anything I need quiet nights. I have a world to compete with. And I’ve taken some steps backwards then forwards, then backwards again.”

“Gotta make up for lost time. I understand. Been there. My parents helped me so much out of troubles, I can’t imagine facing the world without them.” Ciera admits.

“We all have to eventually. We all become similar in the end. All that is known disappears and we must stand alone with what strength we have left. Your parents just want to see you stand, not lie down. Take it as a good thing. Some of us have felt like we walked through life alone since the day we were born.” Suz says with a strange accepting-like tone.

“Never thought of it that way. You really do put things into perspective. What I’ve always adored about you as a friend. You’re a rare friend Suz. Thank for that. I have to run to class or I’d stay.”

“It’s okay. I need to walk off work stress and study myself. I hope I run into you again.”

“I’m sure we will. Bye Suz. I’ve missed your face.”

“Yours as well. Bye.”

 

 

Miss Revived Part 5

“Well we’re done with the park and it’s getting late. What now? Should we find a random pub? Have a couple for old times sake? You really haven’t had a couple in peace. Our first excursion wasn’t the best, thanks to your old friend. Heh.” Cheryl said with a concerned voice.

They enter a local pub around the corner. Mostly full of middle aged workers, having one after a long day. It felt out of place but in a good way to Suz. She wanted to challenge her overwhelming fear of uncomfortable situations.

“You look like you need to talk, so shoot!”

“Truthfully Cheryl, I don’t think people understand me right now. I felt like I was under a microscope for years now by someone. I didn’t leave the house. You know why. You know my situation after situation the past few years was like. Like an A&E crime show episode. Except I statistically should be dead. I’m like the survivor who shouldn’t exist. There aren’t many of us to this degree. I don’t expect people to not think I am crazy. I act like an agoraphobic, bipolar,  empty vessel right now.” Suz admits with shame in her voice.

“But you are aware and awake somehow. You are fighting internally for your own identity back. Maybe I know more about it than you think, thanks to my mother. I’m sure just like she did, you still hear his voice and everything he said to demean you over and over. Like a drunk at a jukebox, playing the same song over and over. Except, it’s in your head and no one even hears it or knows. And if you told them, you’d be labeled schizo by ignorant people who aren’t psychiatrists. I know. It’s a common issue after extremely controlling relationships actually.”

“It feels like someone beat words into my head to the point where I could only think about myself in the manipulated way they wanted me to. All for control. All because of either fear or envy. Why not just love? Why is love not good enough for some people Cheryl?”

“Suz, I don’t know. But I do know it’s something inside of themselves that desires more. The ego drives a lot of beings in this world. That’s why it seems so dark. I feel humanity has to reconnect with certain things to salvage their empathy for not just one another but this physical planet and everything upon it. You bring that kind of light to this world. Even when you feel dark. That’s intense for those who are halfway there from your kind of transcendence.”

“You outdid your last compliment. I need to hang around you more. I’m really not used to this at all. Being complemented, being able to socialize, get into the car without the feeling of wrongdoing. I wish I could embrace it all better and not seem unappreciative. But I’ve forgotten what it feels like to receive real help and love. I want to remember right now, but I know time is the only thing that can help.”

“Indeed it is. You have to reconnect with yourself. Stop worrying about everyone else. You’ve done that enough to lift others up, but what have you done for yourself Suz? I say you draw a bath when you get home. Watch something you like for a change. Do something for yourself. One day at a time.”

“Sounds good to me. I don’t remember the last time I did anything for myself. You’re right but I still feel selfish.”

“Rid of the shame. Your heart will beat better without it. And go watch some Gabor Mate. Find anything or any voice that contradicts his annoying, looming one inside your head. Think of it like reprogramming. I’ll see you tomorrow or the next day. Soon. Take care of yourself tonight, Suz.”

“I will.”

That night Suz ran a bath, polished her nails, watched all the things people around her didn’t show interest in. She was self indulgent. Noticing every scar upon her body, remembering what happened while washing it away.

How could I have let this body suffer so much?! All those who came before me to bring me to this  moment of time. I owe myself and them more. She thought.

 

 

 

Miss Revived Part 4

Cheryl was a perfect friend for Suz. She clashed with Suz’s meek nature. She was a protector when Suz felt the need to venture. She was her voice when she couldn’t speak, and her eyes when they failed to see obstacles before her.

In return, Suz was the perfect friend for Cheryl. She reminded her of the good qualities left in humanity, provided hope, and caused her to introspect when it was necessary. Suz brought out Cheryl’s hidden soft interior, while Cheryl attempted to bring out Suz’s hidden tough interior. They complemented one another and sent an unspoken message to others; their friendship was one of a kind.

They met in the morning for breakfast. A cheap, dainty diner that was the cheapest in the area; neither one had much money after bills were paid.

“So what should we do today? I don’t have much money truthfully Suz.”

“Me either. The park is free.”

“Alright, let’s go. Free is always cool with me.” Cheryl said.

“True. I hope someday though I can go somewhere and order the most expensive meal on the menu just because I could. But then again, I’d feel bad wasting money.”

“Exactly why I adore you Suz. Takes you two seconds to think morally, ethically, socially, or financially. I definitely could use more of that in my life. Haven’t made the best decisions in life.” Cheryl admits.

“Neither have I. It’s just about learning day by day; a lesson or a fact. No one is born perfect or will die perfect.” Suz admits.

“You always find a way to turn my negative thoughts around. Thanks Suz.”

“Don’t thank me. It’s what humanity should do for one another. Existence is difficult enough. To live costs money every single day; to die even costs money. Might as well enjoy it as much as we can. Whether it be wet socks or a filet mignon.”

“Haha! You’re so right! You always have the right thing to say, in your own kind of way. A way I definitely understand. I do worry though about you sometimes. Are you okay?” Like, really okay?”

“I try to be. That’s all that matters. I’m not rolling in a ditch giving up or failing to see a future anymore. I know some people judge and think:

Oh, she could do so much more than wait tables right now! 

“But I just cannot do more right now. I went from nothing to having a job and income at least. Not fighting some abusive boyfriend or fighting to live on ramen during college. I can just be for right now. Maybe other people take that for granted: to just be. Fortunately I built up nothing so much I have too many options. I haven’t had children yet so I guess my life is like an open playground now. And I guess this overwhelms me….”

Cheryl interrupts.

“Stop thinking so much sometimes Suz. Don’t get me wrong but it is your best quality at times and your worst. You need to learn how to manage it though. Think with more focus. If that means writing a list of stuff you should think about, do it! I’m not trying to sound cheesey, like a life coach but Suz…you are different. You do have more potential than you perhaps realize. Put it to use eventually, when you are ready. I know you need time to just be. Just don’t take forever moving on from the past either.”

“I understand what you’re saying. I really don’t think I am anyone special though but thank you. We all are truthfully special in some way. I’m just one human on this planet and there could be other planets full of other species nonetheless. I’m just someone looking for a real reason to exist like everyone else.” Suz said with a serious tone.

“The fact you realize all this with your ego aside is what sets you apart from most people. You need to realize it is what attracts darkness as well. Envy of what you have that is authentic. The smile, the opinions, the way you move so naive-like. You have to protect your own mind Suz. It’s beautiful. Don’t let anyone ruin it by projecting their own anger and sadness upon you anymore. You deserve more.” Cheryl insisted.

“Those were some of the kindest words ever spoken to me. I truly appreciate it more than you could ever know. Thanks Cheryl. I’ll get somewhere whether in the slow or fast lane. Especially if people like you stick around.”

Their eyes met with the same enthusiasm as it did when they first became friends. They strolled through the park reminiscing about old times, and feeling content just being in the moment with one another.

Miss Revived Part One

She had the hair like the sun, eyes like the trees, and a mouth pink like a rose. She never carried herself right, beaten down by the world, the minute she left the hillside. The green pastures, the star filled nights, the crickets almost on the clock every single night provided a comfort she now longed for. Busy city streets, busy lights, and busy faces everywhere. No time to slow down. No time to speed up. No time for anything but work and sleep. That’s how she always felt. Life was always a struggle. Never a blessing. Always a fight, without the encore.

And recognition was rare in busy city life. So many people, they all seemed to blend into a vortex of nothingness together. To create one force of nothingness. Some convincing themselves it is something, while they poured that dirty regulars coffee for the 18th billionth time. Some realizing how little their existence meant, carrying themselves with at least a kind of admirable humility. Some wallowing in their own misery, clearly taking it out on everyone else.

The way she saw it was you had three choices to be; ignorant, intelligent, or angry. There was no other choice when doing mundane jobs. It was, play one of those parts or starve.

Deep down she knew it was time to evolve. Time to break away from the role partially. Time to think about some way out of the cycle of work without passion. She was done listening and ready to go out and fight down life again.

For awhile she spent time being purposely mundane, blending in, and going along with the motions of the majority. No one cared. She didn’t mind at the time, but the hole in her chest cut deeper as each day of meaningless existence passed on.

One night, she made a big mistake. She calls it an accident to this day, but the truth remains inside of her; like a haunting vessel at sea, it provokes her thought processes. Every dryer, every tub, every story like hers still subtly struck.a nerve. A tub, a plugged in phone dumped into it, and a complex without power was the scene. Crying parents, her lifeless-like body lifted from the water, while her burned wrists looked like some kind of sacrifice was the scene. She, of course, doesn’t remember anything but waking up in the hospital.

They thought she did it on purpose, so she had to say it was an accident.

Why am I still here? I wasn’t supposed to live?! Now I’ll have twice the bull crap if I admit to anything. Yup! Total accident! Geez. I really screwed this up. Can I go back? Undo this? Nope, haha! Of course not! She thought.

The nurse was intuitive, knew something was off about the situation but her hands were tied without proof. The cellphone accident was plausible as well, so it was written up as a mistake on reports.

I guess this is my second chance at life created out of death. 

The thought was strangely comforting. Perhaps she needed to look death in the eye to be back to life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Miss Magic Part XII

“Stephen’s apartment is on Broad Street. I can check the mailboxes find his apartment number. You just keep a look out for anyone.”

“Will do. Better you than me, I am a clutz. I’d probably get caught.” Olivia admits.

Stephen’s apartment sat on a corner, of course it wasn’t the greatest complex. Neither was the neighborhood. Kid’s toys almost lying in the street from parents who didn’t pick them up. Perhaps, let alone supervise their children.

The mailboxes were mostly broken so it was easy to find his. Nothing looked like it was maintained for over a decade. Both doors almost fell off the frame when Jackie went in.

“It’s not very nice in there Olivia. He shouldn’t even pay rent until it’s fixed up really, really that bad.”

“Geez maybe we should have left a tenant’s rights booklet.”

“I think the money will be helpful for now. We could help him again, you know?” Jackie suggests.

“Indeed. He’ll definitely need more help in the future.”

“We have to find another casino and do it right this time. Go in with a plan, know the layout, scout it out beforehand, and really watch our own butts! We may not get lucky again if we’re caught.”

“Exactly. I was thinking about the same thing. I feel guilty in a way, but we are helping other people who need it and taking from a greedy casino. So is what we’re doing still morally wrong?”

“Don’t think of such things so much Olivia. It will tear up your insides like they’re being put through a meat grinder. Let’s just focus on doing good in our own community, then move onto bigger things. Hopefully no one will question us, until we have done so much, we’ll be like some kind of vigilantes in a good way.” Jackie says with childlike enthusiasm.

“I agree. It’s not like I can just sit there and do nothing, knowing what I can do now either.”

“Let’s figure out a game plan tonight, don’t rush it too much where it is stupid though. Let’s hope we can devise a good plan by the end of tonight with some more Ben and Jerry’s, Netflix running in the background, and the occasional off topic conversation I bring up. Haha!” Jackie exclaimed.

“I can get along with that idea!”

“So who do we help next? I kind of picked Stephen. You should decide the next person. We can at least discuss that before we get to the store.”

“What about Urma? I mean she’s behind in her taxes, what if we just go pay them for her? Is there a way? What if I said I was a relative from out of state, just trying to take care of my families finances that went haywire? Believable, right?”

“I mean you look quite young for trying to clean up your families mess, but we can think up your occupation, and I am sure they won’t even get that far to ask that question. Geez Olivia, you worry too much sometimes. It is best to be prepared for the worst, but at the same time you can’t always combat bad things from happening. Bad things do happen to good planners. You ever plan a trip out precisely and every little detail you planned seems to go the opposite way as planned. Your coffee lid falls off, your car breaks down, your tire pops, the parking is full, the event was cancelled, and your friend never showed up, right? Do you fret or not? Or do you think well this is just crap and try to make the most out of the crap? Jackie asks in a joking, but at the same time serious matter. The thing that make her different from the others.

“I am guessing I have to say make the most out of crap, because what choice is there really? Wallow in it? Haha. No thanks!” Olivia admits.

“Anyways, we were originally talking about Urma. We should probably get back onto that subject. We’ll just say you are a pharmacist if they ask, if that makes you feel better having an in depth plan. I’ll find out where we need to pay her taxes beforehand, make some phone calls. But know this; I get it Olivia. You are the one with the powers, so if anyone gets caught it will most definitely be you. I don’t blame you for at times, breaking mentally down in a way and being human. I truthfully would be ecstatic to have my powers as well as scared.”

They talk on and off topic all night. Finding all the casinos statewide, the best to devise and plan for and the least. It was ambitious. It was not going to take just one night of planning either, which they both realized. There had to be trust built as well between them. The kind where one would take a bullet for the other without hesitation. They were serious at times and joked to ease the stress of planning. They were the perfect team: honest, loyal, and strong for each other when they needed it. A friendship one could hope for their whole life and never have the chance to obtain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Miss Magic Part VIII

Olivia lets the security guards check her purse. Of course, they find the cards she had forgotten about. Her eyes widened with horror.

“It’s not what it looks like!” She exclaims.

“Sure. It seems to me it is exactly how I appears. Both you girls come out back in our questioning room immediately.”

Olivia looks towards Jackie. “I am sorry. I had forgotten…”

“Just be quiet Olivia. We knew this might happen.” She replied.

They bring the girls to a room with white walls, sort of like something the FBI would bring you to. Jackie starts getting more nervous, which is making Olivia more nervous.

“Can I just explain something to you really quick?”

“Go ahead.” The security officer says.

“This is going to sound a bit crazy, but I think I am a bit different.” Olivia tries to explain.

“Listen, kid, I do not have time for games. Tell the truth or there will be issues.”

“I think I have special abilities, sir. I can change those cards. I was practicing with those ones in my purse in the bathroom. Ask Jackie.”

“Listen, I don’t want to be locked up in a looney bin with her, but yes…I have seen her do this. It’s unbelievable.”

“If you’re so special then do it for me right now. I have college kids play games with my head all the time about this stuff. So sick of it you two. You have no idea.” He says, sounding somewhat exhausted.

He gives her a card, in which she shows it to him again, just so he knows what it is.

“I see it.”

She does her magic, thinks of a rhymed chant, and hopes it actually worked. If it doesn’t, they both end up looking crazy and possibly sent to some kind of crisis center then jail. Sweat collects on the tips of her fingertips, her eyes are tearing up, but somehow she keeps a somewhat firm expression of confidence. She turns it over.

“What the!!!”

He steps back.

“Listen kid, if you’re some kind of experiment gone wrong I don’t want anything to do with this. I don’t think I am crazy but hold on. This room is under survelliance. Maybe I didn’t get enough sleep.”

Jackie chuckles slightly. “Go ahead. We can wait.”

Olivia looks even more scared though.

“What if they send some people to stab me with needles and stuff Jackie? This is no joke. I just found this out and we already exposed me. Geez, what the heck…” Olivia says.

“Just chill out. You can tell them you won’t sign anything to be their experimental monkey. For now, let’s just see what is going to happen. Do you know anyone else on this planet in this situation right now?” Jackie explains.

“True. We shouldn’t be talking either. They are definitely listening to everything we say too.”

He eventually enters the room again. This time, whiter than a sheet like he has seen a ghost.

“Listen. I have no clue how you did that. I don’t know how to even handle this kind of a situation but I believe you. We probably should be alerting someone of your capabilities but then again, they are yours. I am going to do something that could cost me my job in the future. Maybe even some of us who have watched the footage back there. You could do good in this world with what you have, or you could do bad. I don’t know what you intended to spend the money on, but most would use it for their own benefit. I suggest you do otherwise. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt, because you were trying to be honest with me from the beginning. I don’t think you are like a lot of people out there. In fact, I don’t think your friend here, Jackie? is either? I am going to let you leave with your earnings today. I am going to hope you take some of it that you need, then use some of it to do something good. I have turned off all recording just to say this to you girls. If I didn’t, I would only be shooting myself in the foot like I explained. Now, that I have put my faith in you two, and possibly my job in the future, please leave and do not show your faces in here again. I only want to see you on the news for doing something brave and beautiful.”

By the end of this, both Olivia’s and Jackie’s eyes were full of tears. They were able to hold them back, but he knew they were affected by his words. They hurried with their belongings, while repeatedly and graciously saying “thank you.”

As they made their way back to the car, Olivia says:

“If angels exist. We met one just now in human form. Just when I thought people wouldn’t risk anything to do good in this world they exceed my expectations.”