emotions

Smile Without a Cause

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Your eyes reminded me of someone

now changed but once an awful man

he thought he could control his woman

but tying her up with verbal commands

but that man went crazy

brought a knife to a no gun fight

layers of rope and he broke

when he saw he lost his child’s hope

tore the world open

to expose all the lies

now he cries

knowing all that is left inside

is nothing but hate…

I try to create an image to replace

the horrible fate

he even had to contemplate

like there was a decision

when innocence exists

hold your child’s hands

cuz it might bring back the hope

 

a child’s eyes are like sun

and he rolled in the clouds

since someone had sinned…

But is the anger ok?

Maybe for one day

maybe for a month

but not for a year

how many tears dropped

to get to mars?

how could you walk away

instead of get rid of the scars?

Your eyes reminded me of someone

once above them

floating above the clouds looking down

now your mind is broken

all maimed inside

you want to know pain

take a peak in my head

most people would have given up

played fucking dead…

but I stray along with a smile on my face

nothing can break me

not you

not this

it already happened twenty years ago

when the summer left

along with my false bliss

but all i ever wanted

was someone to know

they can’t break me down

when I never had anywhere to go…

so I burn like a star

still bright but scarred.

 

 

Who Told You Who I Am?

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Who told you who I am?

how can they speak for me when they can’t speak like a man?

You come at me like a bull in heat

desperate for a person to complete

your next sentence like the fucking movies

but hate to break it to you this is reality…

you don’t maim who you love

you don’t break someone down

unless you want them to run off

with a better fucking clown….

I hate the way your lips move

but cannot rhyme

you have no talents

you can’t even focus on them

cuz’ you’re too blind

to your own sickness

running out of your veins

out your nose

then onto your face

teeth rotted out like they were never touched

you a man?

I think you need a toothbrush…

I can’t speak for all you men

cuz some of you have game

you can run in other people’s face

and the truth you can claim

but some of you should take the advertisement down

cuz you look like trash with that big old frown

Who told you who I am?

how can they speak for me when they can’t speak like a man?

you come at me like a pilot but without a plane

you acted all pimp without the cane

I wish I saw the stars in your eyes

were just reflections of the street lights

cuz the way you lit that cig

could make any heart stop…

Who told you who I am?

how can they speak for me when they can’t speak like a man?

How do you even know me when you were always in command?

A person ad midst a war is never able to stand.

 

Eye for an Eye Mentality

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I am not going to sit here and be gender biased and say a man should never hurt a woman because women as well hurt men. Rather, I will say people shouldn’t hurt people. It is disgusting to me we live in a society with the eye for an eye mentality. “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”-Ghandi So little words that carry on nobleness which I have yet to see from many people. Once a bad event happens, a curtain opens and few are able to introspect and see perhaps how they engaged a situation. I am no saint but my god has my pain exceeded the level of consequence I should endure, in fact anyone should endure. I am over a cycle in my life of helping those who cannot help themselves. Too many people I have met, who seem to be normal then I discover they have a major crutch. Most cases it is medication. Yes, some people have imbalances which need correction but the human mind is capable of enduring the worst so why can’t it endure the positive? What makes people desire pitfalls rather than climbing mountains? Face fears, endure pain, and at the end of the day smile because whatever imbalance you have could be temporary anyway. And if you recognize its existence positive thinking can go a long way. I have faith in people still, and no one can take that away. But for now, I do me.

Enlightenment

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He sips his drink…the cigarette meets the end of his fingers yet he has no idea it has reached the filter. Just like his life, he cannot shake it is the end of the smoke, for it cleared already and the pain he feels is of his own making. Hold the cigarette tightly, then light, then puff, then put it out. Just like life it must have a course of action. It must be attended to or else it will sting. The same conclusion will happen with no action over and over again until there is nothing left but burned fingertips. Light, puff, then put it out. Please for the sake of your own sanity put it out. Don’t fall into the abyss like so many others for it is easier to give up then it is to continue to go straight. And how can you love someone who doesn’t love themselves? How can you breath their last breath for them? You can’t. You can only sit and watch the pain they self inflict upon themselves as well as you for caring. I may care too late sometimes but forgive me if there is a god for I have lived in fear and it is all I have known. But I am tired of excuses. I am tired of this life full of fear, shame, avoidance, and guilt. I don’t expect anyone to save me from it when they cannot save themselves.We all have turmoil. Some hide it well, others display it on a platter for the world to see. I don’t care anymore if  my makeup isn’t done, my clothes don’t match, my heart is in the right place. I ask if there is a superior being to help me achieve some kind of enlightenment for it has been too long fighting the negative forces around me. I see where I went wrong, I see where others go wrong, I try to help them and myself but really all that matters is what energy I expel. I hold onto my own hand as if it is the last time I will feel my pulse in my wrist for tomorrow is unknown. Life is beautiful enough, and I hope someday I can feel as if I don’t have to speak any words to someone, just feel their embrace and know all the pain was worth it. I love too much, lost too much, but live no regrets for regrets do nothing but hold the spirit down.

Dirt

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You were the Clyde of my life

swept me through the water

then sank me down under

I tried to breathe but the rhythm was off

my rhythm was off

it was only to the beat of your heart

And it was only when I felt my last breath

I wanted to run away and live…

Raise me up

then take me down

throw the mud over my hair

and kick me to the ground…

but I will blink it all out of my eyes

count the bruises

and never do it again…

never do it again…

You were the Clyde of my life

I may have played Bonnie

but inside I could hear the bodyguard song

and thought Whitney was right all along…

as you played Sweet Jane

as if I was kid handed a candy cane…

that was too old to eat…

Raise me up

then take me down

down to the ground

fill me full of dirt

then kick me when I make a sound

cuz’ all you wanted was silence

but no silence could quiet your own mouth.

 

I Have the Beat

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Well, you don’t care..

I guess that’s fair…

I’ll just sit over here

bobbing my head to the rhythm of life…

with my own breasts as the toms

my feet as the bass pedals

my hair looking like the sticks

my heart playing out all it once resists…

 

I always felt the beat of my own drum

the problem is there is no one

who can complete my rhyme

echo my brain waves

through space and time…

 

Well, you don’t care

I guess that’s fair

I’ll just stare

at the sun for too long

until my blindness I can see through…

my sunglasses on right

my laces all tight

ready to sprint out all this strife…

I always felt the beat of my own drum

the problem is there is no one

who doesn’t need an explanation for my mind

maybe I should have been born to a new dimension

ahead of this time….

 

 

Tears Create Growth

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He blames the way I kiss

but never lays down his fist

Holds my head up

when I want it down…

so I can watch my tears

saturate the ground…

the moisture creating a chance

for the seed the grow

my anger become exposed

for every men who has ran his course

across my mind to reverse back over

feeling like the first shot soldier

who had the courage to stand

only to fall to prove there can be moral order

in the way he tries to court her…

but he blames the way I kiss

never laying down his fist

can’t realize the same pain exists

in every wandering mind

cuz’ time is the essence of the blind…

who can’t bear to hear the hourly chime

cuz life isn’t what he made it

it was created out of lies…

And he can blame they way I kiss

while he raises his fist

but I know deep down

he only resists himself.

Backwoods Driving

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Roll them down

the glass is too dirty

from all the times you pressed your face against them

the cold to hard to embrace…

but now a 50 degree day is magic

no weather can keep my windows up

and unopen to the sounds

no rain can make a frown…

cuz’ I was left behind

hiding along the blinds….

Caressing the string to open them

into the depths in of my unconscious mind

 

how did it come to this?

Through illusions

and misfortunes

broken bones and dead end corners…

then back around again

the same streets over…

same windows down

but I never pulled over…

Hit the gas…

the road is your duty…

all the times you went the wrong way…

has held you down with fury…

but don’t you worry…

there should be no fear in discovery…

for your heart was all binded up

and now has a chance for recovery…

How did it come to this?

Through sullen and puffy eyes…

How did I survive all this?

Cuz’ my heart is still alive.

 

He Holds

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He holds a heart

all mangled up

like ground beef

but serves it like filet mignon

hopes you’re so tired you play along

hoping you’ll just sing the same song

create a different dance…

but you tend to glance

over at the people having more fun…

At first

you do

you take it all in

and through you

then repeat, repeat, repeat…

until your heart is like his

all beat…

mangled…

unable to complete..

a thought without it angled

in perfect tune

with his erratic brain waves

 

And he holds his hand

as if its not his own

He holds his head

as if his neck has one bone…

He holds up the sky

as if he created it…

then sails the sea

as if he put the water in it…

but he will learn

we are all creatures of a storm

trickling to our hearts

there can be an over pour

of crimson proportions

and we all must face our demons

to endure a kiss

that’s worthy of love

pure bliss…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You’re Down Mofo

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You’re down mofo

like a yo yo

ready to be brought up again

by someone else’s downfall

you create illusions in minds

then when its time

to fess up

it’s all them

not you

It’s sad you wear armor

but battle your own mind

and in return it create a bind

to no one

You wasted months

but I’d rather not have it be years

of judgment upon my ways

that were engaged by the cold world

left me outside with sleeves too short

outgrown my jacket like I did you

and you may have had the first laugh

but mine will be the last.