Realization

He stares into the night as if the road isn’t there anymore. He is driving but he appears to be floating mentally above the clouds, placing himself so high no one can catch up. Not even the pope, an oracle, Einstein, Dali, or any brilliantly crafted person could reach him. He chooses to be lost. There is the road but it goes back around in circles, creating a diversion even the strongest person could fall into. I have seen those eyes before, saddened, beat down, and fallin’ like the sword of a samurai. I don’t know when your eyes lost their color but I wish they could be restored the brightest color possible. I try to figure out all the triggers but so many exist it is nearly impossible to sustain some kind of bliss. Your mouth moves like a poem then a dagger. I blame myself but there is no way all your pain was caused by just me, you barely knew who I was. Perhaps, you could not see all your pain eventually manifested in me, like a ghost haunting a soul so I became the warrior. Left with scars, empty eggshells I once cracked to make you breakfast, I hold onto the thought the scars and eggshells will eventually just be nothing more than what they are.They will no longer remind me of suffering but of sacrifice. To change, is to sacrifice a part of yourself you no longer can be at harmony with. You were the part of myself I let go. You are a reminder pain exists but should never be laid upon another soul, already lifeless, already bruised, already out of battle. I may not be perfect but my god I have sustained myself through the impossible of times, and deserve a heart not secured by cast iron. I am too tired to peal back the layers of what is to find what was in someone. I am too broken to trust a world of creatures who move calculated rather than spirited. I will adore those who remain true and ignore those who chose a lie.

Backwoods Driving

Roll them down

the glass is too dirty

from all the times you pressed your face against them

the cold to hard to embrace…

but now a 50 degree day is magic

no weather can keep my windows up

and unopen to the sounds

no rain can make a frown…

cuz’ I was left behind

hiding along the blinds….

Caressing the string to open them

into the depths in of my unconscious mind

 

how did it come to this?

Through illusions

and misfortunes

broken bones and dead end corners…

then back around again

the same streets over…

same windows down

but I never pulled over…

Hit the gas…

the road is your duty…

all the times you went the wrong way…

has held you down with fury…

but don’t you worry…

there should be no fear in discovery…

for your heart was all binded up

and now has a chance for recovery…

How did it come to this?

Through sullen and puffy eyes…

How did I survive all this?

Cuz’ my heart is still alive.

 

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Beliefs

He comes in dreams. I think he is an entity of some sort. He holds my head up when I wake up. He kneels beside me as if I am a child and places my arms across each other and upon my shoulders. He tells me hold onto myself tightly and he will in return watch over me. He could be pure evil or pure good for all i know. I trusted him with my life for some time and hope for his own sake when he passes into the afterlife he meant all good deeds towards me. I believe in my mind whether it is true for belief is more powerful than disbelief. Although, disbelief can lead to new understandings depending on circumstances. I believe it is ultimately one’s goal to make a system on beliefs in their own mind to perhaps make sense out of life and death. We all have unusual situations that infiltrate our minds with memories we cannot comprehend in the moment.Their significance is perhaps not understood under later parts in life when forces align to create a sort of epiphany. I believe the person has a spirit like the Egpytians…but it has many parts. One is born with a sort of identity based upon physical and mental elements no person is one of the same. It is unique with boundaries and capabilities of its own it has to embrace in order to achieve a sort of enlightening. My spirit has come to terms with its born spirit enough to realize one depends upon the other. The Ba in Egyptian culture represents the spirit in the afterlife which must return to the Ka in order to sustain immortality. I believe this is symbolic. It is almost as if life is about reconciling with the inner childlike spirit we all possess and realizing the two are important in all aspects of life. They are the path to true righteousness, bravery, respect, admiration, truth, and immortality. Realizing one must maintain a balance between the two and fight against wrongdoing is a huge step in accepting death as part of life. It is easier to accept death if a person understands the many elements which make up their physical and mental state. No person has one identity. No person can be defined by a single word. The spirit is like a rainbow and a person’s duty is to be the brightest colors when the end approaches. Accept good and bad but remain in touch with all the layers of their spirit. And if it takes a belief which cannot be proven with science then so be it…it can be proven with culture.Thank you.

Mending Our Generation

Living in a dream

It seems…

I did everything they wanted

And I still do not know

Who it was for…

Are they beneath the ground?

Or above the clouds?

Are they hidden?

Or trying not to be found?

I think they dug a hole

Like animals…

Reproduced within all their comforts…

And left the fallen to work above their lairs…

I just want an answer

Even if it doesn’t make me free

I just want an answer

Someone to see

The pain greed creates

The flight then fall

I anticipate

Every time I wake….

Living a scheme

It seems…

I have fallen

With the lost and forgotten

Trying to find the nail for my own coffin

They had the money to buy

And the money to break me into…

I just want an answer…

Even if it doesn’t offer peace

I just want to stare into the face

Of those responsible for the mistakes

Our generation has to mend…

The Pebble Roll

There is nothing surprising me anymore

I feel like I am glued to my headboard

Dreams of far away places

I will never see

Cascading down the slope I created in my life

Like a pebble down a hill

I feel as if the force of life

Has granted me some time off

Solitude

Adventure

Then solitude

Adventure

In search of something I lost a long time ago…

Perhaps My ability to imagine anything

To dream of pirate ships

Of castles bombarded by trees pressing upon their gates

Of a garden the size of a country all to myself

Of a world much different than this…

And I am torn between my imagination

And the state we call reality…

And When I wake up

There is nothing in this world

I cannot see

Cannot dream

I see faces in trees

Clouds smiling upon me

River and streams

Flowing into a fantasy world

All within the depths of my mind…

So Maybe I am suppose to roll

Like a pebble down a hill

Shifting between solitude

adventure

Solitude then

adventure

In search of the mind I once had as a child.

Allergic to Shellfish on Christmas

Kinda funny. I was eating pasta last night as the family gathered. After a few minutes I realize the calamari is in the sauce. Big problem. I start getting crampy, thinking maybe I just need to poop. Nope, it isn’t even digesting right so i am way far ahead of the process haha. First comes the headache, then the feeling of a lump of coal in my tummy, and then the hot and cold issues start. Finally my gut lets it all out and it looks almost like I vomited a bunch of Christmas decorations. I start laughing like a crazy person because who would have thought this would happen on Christmas Eve. I managed to stay away from foods like this the entire year but yeah haha encountered it on the Holiday. Finally trying to fall asleep at 3 am, shaking like a baby in the fetal position because I am cold. Then it happens. My cats one by one circle around me as if instinctively trying to keep me warm. I am kinda whimpering like a baby and Juan the cat no joke puts her paw over my mouth. I don’t know whether she was trying to shut me up or maybe she was trying to calm me down. Either way it was quite amusing.  I think it is beautiful really though how animals can adapt so well to one person it almost is as if words become nothing. They look at you, you look at them, you know when its play time or when it is time to cuddle up and nap. Their eyes speak volumes and remind me love can exist without words.