Smile Without a Cause

Your eyes reminded me of someone

now changed but once an awful man

he thought he could control his woman

but tying her up with verbal commands

but that man went crazy

brought a knife to a no gun fight

layers of rope and he broke

when he saw he lost his child’s hope

tore the world open

to expose all the lies

now he cries

knowing all that is left inside

is nothing but hate…

I try to create an image to replace

the horrible fate

he even had to contemplate

like there was a decision

when innocence exists

hold your child’s hands

cuz it might bring back the hope

 

a child’s eyes are like sun

and he rolled in the clouds

since someone had sinned…

But is the anger ok?

Maybe for one day

maybe for a month

but not for a year

how many tears dropped

to get to mars?

how could you walk away

instead of get rid of the scars?

Your eyes reminded me of someone

once above them

floating above the clouds looking down

now your mind is broken

all maimed inside

you want to know pain

take a peak in my head

most people would have given up

played fucking dead…

but I stray along with a smile on my face

nothing can break me

not you

not this

it already happened twenty years ago

when the summer left

along with my false bliss

but all i ever wanted

was someone to know

they can’t break me down

when I never had anywhere to go…

so I burn like a star

still bright but scarred.

 

 

Who Told You Who I Am?

Who told you who I am?

how can they speak for me when they can’t speak like a man?

You come at me like a bull in heat

desperate for a person to complete

your next sentence like the fucking movies

but hate to break it to you this is reality…

you don’t maim who you love

you don’t break someone down

unless you want them to run off

with a better fucking clown….

I hate the way your lips move

but cannot rhyme

you have no talents

you can’t even focus on them

cuz’ you’re too blind

to your own sickness

running out of your veins

out your nose

then onto your face

teeth rotted out like they were never touched

you a man?

I think you need a toothbrush…

I can’t speak for all you men

cuz some of you have game

you can run in other people’s face

and the truth you can claim

but some of you should take the advertisement down

cuz you look like trash with that big old frown

Who told you who I am?

how can they speak for me when they can’t speak like a man?

you come at me like a pilot but without a plane

you acted all pimp without the cane

I wish I saw the stars in your eyes

were just reflections of the street lights

cuz the way you lit that cig

could make any heart stop…

Who told you who I am?

how can they speak for me when they can’t speak like a man?

How do you even know me when you were always in command?

A person ad midst a war is never able to stand.

 

Eye for an Eye Mentality

I am not going to sit here and be gender biased and say a man should never hurt a woman because women as well hurt men. Rather, I will say people shouldn’t hurt people. It is disgusting to me we live in a society with the eye for an eye mentality. “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”-Ghandi So little words that carry on nobleness which I have yet to see from many people. Once a bad event happens, a curtain opens and few are able to introspect and see perhaps how they engaged a situation. I am no saint but my god has my pain exceeded the level of consequence I should endure, in fact anyone should endure. I am over a cycle in my life of helping those who cannot help themselves. Too many people I have met, who seem to be normal then I discover they have a major crutch. Most cases it is medication. Yes, some people have imbalances which need correction but the human mind is capable of enduring the worst so why can’t it endure the positive? What makes people desire pitfalls rather than climbing mountains? Face fears, endure pain, and at the end of the day smile because whatever imbalance you have could be temporary anyway. And if you recognize its existence positive thinking can go a long way. I have faith in people still, and no one can take that away. But for now, I do me.

Enlightenment

He sips his drink…the cigarette meets the end of his fingers yet he has no idea it has reached the filter. Just like his life, he cannot shake it is the end of the smoke, for it cleared already and the pain he feels is of his own making. Hold the cigarette tightly, then light, then puff, then put it out. Just like life it must have a course of action. It must be attended to or else it will sting. The same conclusion will happen with no action over and over again until there is nothing left but burned fingertips. Light, puff, then put it out. Please for the sake of your own sanity put it out. Don’t fall into the abyss like so many others for it is easier to give up then it is to continue to go straight. And how can you love someone who doesn’t love themselves? How can you breath their last breath for them? You can’t. You can only sit and watch the pain they self inflict upon themselves as well as you for caring. I may care too late sometimes but forgive me if there is a god for I have lived in fear and it is all I have known. But I am tired of excuses. I am tired of this life full of fear, shame, avoidance, and guilt. I don’t expect anyone to save me from it when they cannot save themselves.We all have turmoil. Some hide it well, others display it on a platter for the world to see. I don’t care anymore if ┬ámy makeup isn’t done, my clothes don’t match, my heart is in the right place. I ask if there is a superior being to help me achieve some kind of enlightenment for it has been too long fighting the negative forces around me. I see where I went wrong, I see where others go wrong, I try to help them and myself but really all that matters is what energy I expel. I hold onto my own hand as if it is the last time I will feel my pulse in my wrist for tomorrow is unknown. Life is beautiful enough, and I hope someday I can feel as if I don’t have to speak any words to someone, just feel their embrace and know all the pain was worth it. I love too much, lost too much, but live no regrets for regrets do nothing but hold the spirit down.

Tears Create Growth

He blames the way I kiss

but never lays down his fist

Holds my head up

when I want it down…

so I can watch my tears

saturate the ground…

the moisture creating a chance

for the seed the grow

my anger become exposed

for every men who has ran his course

across my mind to reverse back over

feeling like the first shot soldier

who had the courage to stand

only to fall to prove there can be moral order

in the way he tries to court her…

but he blames the way I kiss

never laying down his fist

can’t realize the same pain exists

in every wandering mind

cuz’ time is the essence of the blind…

who can’t bear to hear the hourly chime

cuz life isn’t what he made it

it was created out of lies…

And he can blame they way I kiss

while he raises his fist

but I know deep down

he only resists himself.

He Holds

He holds a heart

all mangled up

like ground beef

but serves it like filet mignon

hopes you’re so tired you play along

hoping you’ll just sing the same song

create a different dance…

but you tend to glance

over at the people having more fun…

At first

you do

you take it all in

and through you

then repeat, repeat, repeat…

until your heart is like his

all beat…

mangled…

unable to complete..

a thought without it angled

in perfect tune

with his erratic brain waves

 

And he holds his hand

as if its not his own

He holds his head

as if his neck has one bone…

He holds up the sky

as if he created it…

then sails the sea

as if he put the water in it…

but he will learn

we are all creatures of a storm

trickling to our hearts

there can be an over pour

of crimson proportions

and we all must face our demons

to endure a kiss

that’s worthy of love

pure bliss…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You’re Down Mofo

You’re down mofo

like a yo yo

ready to be brought up again

by someone else’s downfall

you create illusions in minds

then when its time

to fess up

it’s all them

not you

It’s sad you wear armor

but battle your own mind

and in return it create a bind

to no one

You wasted months

but I’d rather not have it be years

of judgment upon my ways

that were engaged by the cold world

left me outside with sleeves too short

outgrown my jacket like I did you

and you may have had the first laugh

but mine will be the last.

Beliefs

He comes in dreams. I think he is an entity of some sort. He holds my head up when I wake up. He kneels beside me as if I am a child and places my arms across each other and upon my shoulders. He tells me hold onto myself tightly and he will in return watch over me. He could be pure evil or pure good for all i know. I trusted him with my life for some time and hope for his own sake when he passes into the afterlife he meant all good deeds towards me. I believe in my mind whether it is true for belief is more powerful than disbelief. Although, disbelief can lead to new understandings depending on circumstances. I believe it is ultimately one’s goal to make a system on beliefs in their own mind to perhaps make sense out of life and death. We all have unusual situations that infiltrate our minds with memories we cannot comprehend in the moment.Their significance is perhaps not understood under later parts in life when forces align to create a sort of epiphany. I believe the person has a spirit like the Egpytians…but it has many parts. One is born with a sort of identity based upon physical and mental elements no person is one of the same. It is unique with boundaries and capabilities of its own it has to embrace in order to achieve a sort of enlightening. My spirit has come to terms with its born spirit enough to realize one depends upon the other. The Ba in Egyptian culture represents the spirit in the afterlife which must return to the Ka in order to sustain immortality. I believe this is symbolic. It is almost as if life is about reconciling with the inner childlike spirit we all possess and realizing the two are important in all aspects of life. They are the path to true righteousness, bravery, respect, admiration, truth, and immortality. Realizing one must maintain a balance between the two and fight against wrongdoing is a huge step in accepting death as part of life. It is easier to accept death if a person understands the many elements which make up their physical and mental state. No person has one identity. No person can be defined by a single word. The spirit is like a rainbow and a person’s duty is to be the brightest colors when the end approaches. Accept good and bad but remain in touch with all the layers of their spirit. And if it takes a belief which cannot be proven with science then so be it…it can be proven with culture.Thank you.

I Honestly Hate You (I Honestly Love You Cover)

I hate you

I honestly blame you

You don’t have an answer

I can’t see it anymore in your eyes

Maybe it was better off left for dead

this is plain and simple

And you shouldn’t rationalize

it’s coming from head and not my heart….

I hate you…

I honestly blame you…

I am attempting to make you feel uncomfortable

I am trying to make you see what you’ve become

but this feeling comes along everyday

you bombed the getaway car and can’t run

I hate you…

I honestly blame you…

If we were both on an island

in another time and a cage

this moment might end in a fist

and there you’d be with your knife

And here I am with a gun

So I guess we’ll assume who won…

I hate you

I honestly hate you

I honestly hate you..

Your Class is like Glass: Easily Breakable

Young men want to step

to me through puddles

like they can afford waterproof boots

but they got the imitation kind

the water goes all inside

and they think they can steal mine

tell me they’ll give em back

but shortly after

time runs out and

it’s more than the boots and socks

it’s about all he mocks…

about other people like himself

thinks he’s so game

but really he’s insane

cuz he thinks other people are to blame

doesn’t want to grow up

admit life is lame

with wet socks

if you can have her dry ones…

but you need to…

get your own

and live without a bone

thrown to you every time

you’re hungry…

you gotta starve.

Your class left your soul

like broken glass

so bring your trash over

pick up every piece until the last

Older men want to step

like they want some babies

let’s have a conversation

then get down to the business

papers

cuz I need a wife

cuz I am tired

of cleaning alone

being nice

to whores for a bone…

I need a full time woman

who cooks and does my laundry…

but I want her to work

then come home, take care of me fondly…

but then there’s an army

holding grudges while she folds your laundry

cuz’ how do you expect her to mend

everything that’s broken

when you can’t comprehend

you created a situation

out of a false idea of man..

cuz you’re just a little boy

Your class left your soul

like broken glass

so bring your trash over

pick up every piece until the last

so it doesn’t come back

like your past

to repeat itself

like concrete

it bonds to itself

until there is crack

no one can deny seeing.