poetry

Cold

/ AbsurdinLife / Leave a comment

I don’t know why you are so cold

My bones break

With every step I take

But I still keep a smile upon my face

While you have everything

Yet still trying to take

My fate

Poisoned tongue, speaking hate

Judging me while you wouldn’t last a day

In my shoes

Ohhhh oh x2

I don’t know why there’s no sparkle in your eyes

My light barely stays alive

Amidst your false pride

But at least I have no ego

Stare in the mirror, appearing see-through

You could have everything

Yet still try to take others fate

Probably even pawn heaven’s gate

Having a heart when it’s too late

Wish I could disappear in the clouds

So I’d forget your face

Ohhh, ohhh x2

Like a Wave

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You came in like a wave

Took over my shore

Caused nothing but pain

Built your castles with pieces of mine

Put my soul in a bind

Wrapped my mind with pieces of twine

Then took off in a boat

Waving at the shoreline

If the waves could speak

The story would be endless in time

I’d say I wish you the best

But it’d be a lie

———

There’s no honor in what you did

There’s no fear in my heart within

I’ll strike you down, you’re full of sin

Now you’re peddling backwards

Thinking it’s a win

——

You came in like a storm

But I’m used to waves crashing upon my shore

Enough has been said

I’ll anchor your head

With the thoughts you gave me

Left me depressed in bed

Prepare for the blind travels up ahead

But without the stars

A ship is empty lead

Just like your soul

Gluttonous, waiting to be fed

It’ll always leave you shipwrecked

Surrounded by destruction and death

Now I’m sailing away off to new shorelines

Time on my side, no longer in a bind

I feel the sunshine replace the moonlight

The sunshine replace the moonlight.

Safe Box

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In the safe box where no one can hurt me
Recovering from fighting all these adversities
Don’t want to be found, threw away the keys
Found freedom being a recluse, living in dreams
World full of illusionists, I won’t crawl on my knees
Rather be alone than fit in with these beings.

Mister Pretend

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Didn’t see it coming

Thought I was naive

I was playing chess

While you had checkers up your sleeve

Bastet came from inside of me

Egyptian mythology

Entered in my dreams

Sucked your blood until it ran clean

The gods above forgave me

Went back to who I used to be

Softer, loving

Forgiving all atrocities

_______

You will never ascend

Mister pretend

Eventually your body will turn to dust

So I don’t have to lend

My energy

To your will

To your will

Time is on my side

While I remain still

________

Didn’t see it coming

Thought I was bluffing

I was playing poker

While you hit the lever for nothing

Athena emerged from inside of me

Greek mythology

Came to me in my dreams

Instead of battle, had a strategy

The wise do not speak

Know when to fight

To keep

It locked up inside

Swallow our pride

But Mister Pretend

Spins his web

Trapped in lies

Creates his show

While little they know…

The truth behind who he’s hurt.

Back Alive

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She used to be a sad girl by name

She used to stay up crying, it’s so lame

All the boys who broke her heart never complained

About their own sickness driving her insane

Ohhh, she had it bad

Ohhh, she had the sads

You could see it in her eyes

She wore it like a glove inside

Buried her head in their sea of lies

Until she drowned then came back alive

____

And I don’t hate you

I feel sorry you will never feel love

I feel sorry you cursed the angels above

While the devil carried away your dove

_____

She’s no longer the sad girl you tamed

She’s no longer taking all the blame

All the boys who left come running back again

Trying to find the answer to their pain

Ohhh, she doesn’t have the question

Ohhh, it’s in your confession

You can’t see it but it’s in the obsession

Of caring what they all think when they’re beyond redemption

I stand in my own power now

My logic beyond your comprehension

Embark on my journey

Feel my wings glide amidst all the tension.

Broken Nerves Girl

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Fighting this beast

It’s taken everything out of me

Crawling on my knees

Nervous system misfiring

Can’t complete

Some sentences without struggling

They always mock me

Like it’s stupidity

How much will it take to make me angry?!

Gaslight me about this disease

When they can’t understand the complexity

Ableist degrees

What a pathetic way to be

_______

Broken nerves girl

Trying to fight the world

Trying to be the pearl

That was a sight to see

Gave up their vision

Of what should be reality

Why is it so hard to accept the broken me?!

____

Fighting this fire

It’s taken years from me

Crying myself to sleep

Nervous system manufacturing

Bones crushed, skin weeps

Can’t imagine the intensity

Takes thoughts away

Until the imagination can’t see

Ableist comes to play

Tries to bury me

Sick of fighting the fight

Just let me be

I don’t walk around

Gaslighting people with disabilities

Just let us all be

Let us breathe.

Blindfolded Hypocrisy

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Trauma fueled fire

Finding my own desire

Can feel my heart beat

Like a million fires

Can’t quit

This attempt to fit

All the molds

They wanted me to be

All the perceptions they wanted me to see

Distorted my mind into a fantasy

Smiling right at me

So all I have left is a story

 

Oh, blindfolded hypocrisy

Just can’t let me be

Oh, blindfolded hypocrisy

Trying to capture me

But everytime I crawl away

With a piece of your reality

 

Trauma filed day

Avoiding the triggers that may

Haunt my dreams it seems

To the end of May

Sweating through my clothes

Hurting all my bones

Trying to walk before I can crawl

So sick of it all

Trauma filled day

Yelling at my feet

They never were complete

Like two mutant creeps

Unable to fall asleep

Hands on a controller

My virtual consoler

The outside world feels like a boulder

Waiting to crush me

And some days all I can see

Is them laughing over me

But when I stand

I won’t let this be

I won’t let this be.

 

You Won’t Meet the Past Again

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IMG_20180720_210823_993

I hope you are happy now

I hope you can make it alone

Every woman that tried to love you

Is out in the rain, drenched to the bone

I hope the road is paved for you

Rather than as rocky as mine

I hope you find the perfect woman

Just don’t wrap her in twine

But I have a funny feeling

You won’t meet the past again

She was too sweet to go on

Playing your pretend

Cuz’ she wanted reality,

instead of the fallacy

created inside your head

To avoid seeing the hell she’d see

As she cried in bed

Feeling used and abused

As the next option, you fed

All the lies about her to

Giving others the lead

But I hope you remember how much you hated yourself

before anyone else

Even tried to love you

I hope you remember someday

When her face finally turns blue

How much she tried to give to you…

When she had nothing

Nothing at all

As you helped orchestrate her undeserved fall.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Don’t Remember

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I don’t remember what you said to me?

But

Was it going to be better (than her)?

Was it going to be better (than her)?

I tried to put my pride aside but

every single time you tried

to lie

Manipulate and hide

All the blame inside my heart…

And now I sit here torn apart

Feeling like I didn’t have a chance

from the very start…

What was that baby?

Was it going to be better (than her)?

Was I going to be better (than her) ?

Or was I better off without you?

I feel like a jigsaw puzzle

And I can’t find all the pieces

No I can’t find all the pieces

Oh, why’d you make me your queen

if you were just planning on leaving?

Was it going to be better (than her)?

Was I ever going to be better than her…

to you?

 

 

Should Have Been Athena

/ AbsurdinLife / 1 Comment

I don’t even know what’s reality anymore

Say something to me

I dare you

Because I’m down on the floor

I dropped my shield

and like Apollo you rose

you played your guitar

but little did I know

your splendor was a facade

your heart was so cold

marked by the God Ares

And ready to charge like a boar

Your spear in your hand…

looking up at Mars, craving more…

 

I came to you like Aphrodite

When I should have been Athena

I came to you as the goddess of love

When I should have prepared for the arena…

 

I don’t even know what’s reality anymore

Say something to me

I dare you

Because I’m already on the floor

But I grab my spear

because you always seem ready for more

I battle you day and night

to settle the score

Then I rise like Athena

Fully armored with a crested helm

Striking you down

Becoming fully in charge of my realm

And even when you fell on your knees

I still showed you the greatest of empathy…

even after you broke me down

stole what was left of me….

 

I came to you like Aphrodite

When I should have been Athena

I came to you as the goddess of love

When I should have prepared for the arena…