poetry

I am Who I am

/ AbsurdinLife / Leave a comment

I am who I am

don’t question my sanity

when you can’t be a man

step up to the plate

instead of calling this fate

can’t pay for your own haircut

but have money for a mutt

throw dollars on counters

but make me drive after for hours

then pay for the gas…

I got angry super fast

tightened my laces last

ready to run away

when you tried to decay

my esteem to a pile of frost

so cold, and told

what to do

how to stand

when to raise my hand

follow your command

like you were a man

but inside just a teenager

with a small wanker

like a cheesy tv anchor

filling in for the sucker who’s sick

but really he’ll quit before the shows done

cuz’ he ain’t no fun

no love

no trust

so he must

sit alone

convinced in his own lies

trying to put back his insides

he destroyed by too much time

spent on misplaced pride…

 

 

 

You Were Nothing Like Me

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You were nothing like me

like God created women and man

you created me out of the epitome

of your own sorrow

so you could borrow

my soul

only to leave it blackened

but still burning like a pile of cinders

beneath your feet

you will drop down to your knees

as the sparks fly into the sky

and away from the lie

you created out of yourself…

There is no way to extinguish

my pain

the memories will become clearer

as I gain

a kind of sanity

you blocked from my reality

the time lost

will become well spent

cuz’ never will I repent my sins

to a man who avoids his….

never will I give my soul

to a man who cannot give his…

never will I bind myself up

and not call it was it is…

a game of betrayal…

with a unsincere kiss.

The Things You Said

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If you said those things to me

and they were true

I might as well make a noose

and hang myself until blue…

but their not true…

they no longer turn me blue

and I cannot sit here

and watch all the rainbow of colors

turn into a select few…

and before you came along

I sang to  a song

inside my head

but there you had to go

pumping your lead

riding your horse

then taking off the saddle

when you offered me a ride…

only to make me hide

in the nap of the mane

cuz’ no one can tame

my spirit…

so take the lasso

the haircut I bought for you

the gas I blew threw

the money i spent on you

and burn it

cuz it never existed

I’ll never miss it

I’ll never wonder if I made you kiss

the bruises left behind

if in time you’d see how blind

your mind was wrapped in twine

never to be mine.

 

 

 

Say Something, I’m Just a Whiny Poo (Say Something cover)

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Say something, I’m just a whiny poo
I’ll be the one, if you let me whine to you
Anywhere I could have whined til I was blue
Say something, I’m just a whiny poo
And I am feeling so blind
cuz my bang was over my face
Say something, I’m just a whiny poo
And I am feeling so sad
It was in my head
I really don’t know why
And i stumble but don’t fall
I’m sorry that disappoints you
Cuz’ it would have shut me up
Say something, I’m just a whiny poo
And I will swallow my spit
long enough to breathe for a bit
In between my hyperventilating fits
Say something, I’m just a whiny poo
And I’m sorry that I couldn’t shut up for you
And anywhere I would have been so blue
Say something, I’m just a whiny poo
Say something, I just want to stop turnin’ blue…
Say something..
I’m just a whiny poo.

Wipe the Tears Up

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You better wipe those tears up

cuz when I was wakin’ up

you told me to get the fuck out of your bed

instead of actin’ like a lover

you acted like i was an intruder instead

pushed me to the ground

made me protect my head

bruises on my knees

but it could have been worse if I stayed in bed

so i say please

don’t bring me back there again

false pretenses and judgments

clouds your fucking head

What person screwed you over

to make love into lead?

what completed the cycle

was it me or you with a gun beside your bed?

Fuck your bullshit

I grew up tired and weary

my eyes hurting from crying out fury

you think that makes it ok to turn my skies dreary?

negative brings negative but you can’t even hear me…

So I quiet my voice all nice

cook you dinner more than twice

make your rum and coke

so you can sleep at night

while its your poison preventing you from flight…

I hope you crash

and burn

cuz’ it might be what it takes

you can’t introspect enough

cuz you think your fate

was fucked from the beginning

a card game with no winning

but get your head out of the past

and onto less sinning….

You better wipe your own tears up

get a fucking mop

cuz every drop brings another

and your bucket has a hole in it

it just keeps raining inside

your head is full of delusions

so you stay locked up and hide…

I feel sorry for you

but I was there before

sometimes you have no choice but to break a door

and I could have been waiting on the other side

with a mountain of pride on a distant shore

but you chose to believe your own lies

chose to watch the sunset instead of the sunrise.

Smile Without a Cause

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Your eyes reminded me of someone

now changed but once an awful man

he thought he could control his woman

but tying her up with verbal commands

but that man went crazy

brought a knife to a no gun fight

layers of rope and he broke

when he saw he lost his child’s hope

tore the world open

to expose all the lies

now he cries

knowing all that is left inside

is nothing but hate…

I try to create an image to replace

the horrible fate

he even had to contemplate

like there was a decision

when innocence exists

hold your child’s hands

cuz it might bring back the hope

 

a child’s eyes are like sun

and he rolled in the clouds

since someone had sinned…

But is the anger ok?

Maybe for one day

maybe for a month

but not for a year

how many tears dropped

to get to mars?

how could you walk away

instead of get rid of the scars?

Your eyes reminded me of someone

once above them

floating above the clouds looking down

now your mind is broken

all maimed inside

you want to know pain

take a peak in my head

most people would have given up

played fucking dead…

but I stray along with a smile on my face

nothing can break me

not you

not this

it already happened twenty years ago

when the summer left

along with my false bliss

but all i ever wanted

was someone to know

they can’t break me down

when I never had anywhere to go…

so I burn like a star

still bright but scarred.

 

 

The Angry Man

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Did I look down

see an address on my chest?

Did you suddenly own me

and I became depressed?

Why yes I say

I don’t play that game

you had my head in circles

the minute your feet came

through the door

then out to the parking lot

late night drinking

it didn’t mean a lot

you wanted to escape your own reality

and in an essence you made mine so cold you see…

how could I not want to tear you down?

What did you give me from day one?

a frown.

Screw your entitled attitude

you’re a felon with a cause

blowing away other people’s confidence

instead of building yours

Go back to the 50’s

when women cooked and cleaned

and made babies

cuz you words spit verses

that carry on like hearses

but to your own funeral you ride

you make a cocktail

that could kill anyone’s insides…

you should be off the market

like a car with a catalytic recall

you acted available

but your brain was too screwed

to kick a ball

ruined your serotonin

with too many drug binges

held onto the pieces

but the puzzle never makes a picture

so you go to scripture

but the words never become clearer

cuz you keep takin’ your meds

takin’ the easy way out instead….

Did I look down

see an address on my chest?

Did you suddenly own me

and I became depressed?

Why yes I say I became a mess

your words cut through my skin

until I couldn’t care about my own flesh…

go back to the 50’s when women just popped out babies

cuz men like you end up in their own cages.

 

Enlightenment

/ AbsurdinLife / Leave a comment

He sips his drink…the cigarette meets the end of his fingers yet he has no idea it has reached the filter. Just like his life, he cannot shake it is the end of the smoke, for it cleared already and the pain he feels is of his own making. Hold the cigarette tightly, then light, then puff, then put it out. Just like life it must have a course of action. It must be attended to or else it will sting. The same conclusion will happen with no action over and over again until there is nothing left but burned fingertips. Light, puff, then put it out. Please for the sake of your own sanity put it out. Don’t fall into the abyss like so many others for it is easier to give up then it is to continue to go straight. And how can you love someone who doesn’t love themselves? How can you breath their last breath for them? You can’t. You can only sit and watch the pain they self inflict upon themselves as well as you for caring. I may care too late sometimes but forgive me if there is a god for I have lived in fear and it is all I have known. But I am tired of excuses. I am tired of this life full of fear, shame, avoidance, and guilt. I don’t expect anyone to save me from it when they cannot save themselves.We all have turmoil. Some hide it well, others display it on a platter for the world to see. I don’t care anymore if  my makeup isn’t done, my clothes don’t match, my heart is in the right place. I ask if there is a superior being to help me achieve some kind of enlightenment for it has been too long fighting the negative forces around me. I see where I went wrong, I see where others go wrong, I try to help them and myself but really all that matters is what energy I expel. I hold onto my own hand as if it is the last time I will feel my pulse in my wrist for tomorrow is unknown. Life is beautiful enough, and I hope someday I can feel as if I don’t have to speak any words to someone, just feel their embrace and know all the pain was worth it. I love too much, lost too much, but live no regrets for regrets do nothing but hold the spirit down.

Dirt

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You were the Clyde of my life

swept me through the water

then sank me down under

I tried to breathe but the rhythm was off

my rhythm was off

it was only to the beat of your heart

And it was only when I felt my last breath

I wanted to run away and live…

Raise me up

then take me down

throw the mud over my hair

and kick me to the ground…

but I will blink it all out of my eyes

count the bruises

and never do it again…

never do it again…

You were the Clyde of my life

I may have played Bonnie

but inside I could hear the bodyguard song

and thought Whitney was right all along…

as you played Sweet Jane

as if I was kid handed a candy cane…

that was too old to eat…

Raise me up

then take me down

down to the ground

fill me full of dirt

then kick me when I make a sound

cuz’ all you wanted was silence

but no silence could quiet your own mouth.

 

I Have the Beat

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Well, you don’t care..

I guess that’s fair…

I’ll just sit over here

bobbing my head to the rhythm of life…

with my own breasts as the toms

my feet as the bass pedals

my hair looking like the sticks

my heart playing out all it once resists…

 

I always felt the beat of my own drum

the problem is there is no one

who can complete my rhyme

echo my brain waves

through space and time…

 

Well, you don’t care

I guess that’s fair

I’ll just stare

at the sun for too long

until my blindness I can see through…

my sunglasses on right

my laces all tight

ready to sprint out all this strife…

I always felt the beat of my own drum

the problem is there is no one

who doesn’t need an explanation for my mind

maybe I should have been born to a new dimension

ahead of this time….