Wipe the Tears Up

You better wipe those tears up

cuz when I was wakin’ up

you told me to get the fuck out of your bed

instead of actin’ like a lover

you acted like i was an intruder instead

pushed me to the ground

made me protect my head

bruises on my knees

but it could have been worse if I stayed in bed

so i say please

don’t bring me back there again

false pretenses and judgments

clouds your fucking head

What person screwed you over

to make love into lead?

what completed the cycle

was it me or you with a gun beside your bed?

Fuck your bullshit

I grew up tired and weary

my eyes hurting from crying out fury

you think that makes it ok to turn my skies dreary?

negative brings negative but you can’t even hear me…

So I quiet my voice all nice

cook you dinner more than twice

make your rum and coke

so you can sleep at night

while its your poison preventing you from flight…

I hope you crash

and burn

cuz’ it might be what it takes

you can’t introspect enough

cuz you think your fate

was fucked from the beginning

a card game with no winning

but get your head out of the past

and onto less sinning….

You better wipe your own tears up

get a fucking mop

cuz every drop brings another

and your bucket has a hole in it

it just keeps raining inside

your head is full of delusions

so you stay locked up and hide…

I feel sorry for you

but I was there before

sometimes you have no choice but to break a door

and I could have been waiting on the other side

with a mountain of pride on a distant shore

but you chose to believe your own lies

chose to watch the sunset instead of the sunrise.

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Smile Without a Cause

Your eyes reminded me of someone

now changed but once an awful man

he thought he could control his woman

but tying her up with verbal commands

but that man went crazy

brought a knife to a no gun fight

layers of rope and he broke

when he saw he lost his child’s hope

tore the world open

to expose all the lies

now he cries

knowing all that is left inside

is nothing but hate…

I try to create an image to replace

the horrible fate

he even had to contemplate

like there was a decision

when innocence exists

hold your child’s hands

cuz it might bring back the hope

 

a child’s eyes are like sun

and he rolled in the clouds

since someone had sinned…

But is the anger ok?

Maybe for one day

maybe for a month

but not for a year

how many tears dropped

to get to mars?

how could you walk away

instead of get rid of the scars?

Your eyes reminded me of someone

once above them

floating above the clouds looking down

now your mind is broken

all maimed inside

you want to know pain

take a peak in my head

most people would have given up

played fucking dead…

but I stray along with a smile on my face

nothing can break me

not you

not this

it already happened twenty years ago

when the summer left

along with my false bliss

but all i ever wanted

was someone to know

they can’t break me down

when I never had anywhere to go…

so I burn like a star

still bright but scarred.

 

 

Who Told You Who I Am?

Who told you who I am?

how can they speak for me when they can’t speak like a man?

You come at me like a bull in heat

desperate for a person to complete

your next sentence like the fucking movies

but hate to break it to you this is reality…

you don’t maim who you love

you don’t break someone down

unless you want them to run off

with a better fucking clown….

I hate the way your lips move

but cannot rhyme

you have no talents

you can’t even focus on them

cuz’ you’re too blind

to your own sickness

running out of your veins

out your nose

then onto your face

teeth rotted out like they were never touched

you a man?

I think you need a toothbrush…

I can’t speak for all you men

cuz some of you have game

you can run in other people’s face

and the truth you can claim

but some of you should take the advertisement down

cuz you look like trash with that big old frown

Who told you who I am?

how can they speak for me when they can’t speak like a man?

you come at me like a pilot but without a plane

you acted all pimp without the cane

I wish I saw the stars in your eyes

were just reflections of the street lights

cuz the way you lit that cig

could make any heart stop…

Who told you who I am?

how can they speak for me when they can’t speak like a man?

How do you even know me when you were always in command?

A person ad midst a war is never able to stand.

 

The Angry Man

Did I look down

see an address on my chest?

Did you suddenly own me

and I became depressed?

Why yes I say

I don’t play that game

you had my head in circles

the minute your feet came

through the door

then out to the parking lot

late night drinking

it didn’t mean a lot

you wanted to escape your own reality

and in an essence you made mine so cold you see…

how could I not want to tear you down?

What did you give me from day one?

a frown.

Screw your entitled attitude

you’re a felon with a cause

blowing away other people’s confidence

instead of building yours

Go back to the 50’s

when women cooked and cleaned

and made babies

cuz you words spit verses

that carry on like hearses

but to your own funeral you ride

you make a cocktail

that could kill anyone’s insides…

you should be off the market

like a car with a catalytic recall

you acted available

but your brain was too screwed

to kick a ball

ruined your serotonin

with too many drug binges

held onto the pieces

but the puzzle never makes a picture

so you go to scripture

but the words never become clearer

cuz you keep takin’ your meds

takin’ the easy way out instead….

Did I look down

see an address on my chest?

Did you suddenly own me

and I became depressed?

Why yes I say I became a mess

your words cut through my skin

until I couldn’t care about my own flesh…

go back to the 50’s when women just popped out babies

cuz men like you end up in their own cages.

 

Enlightenment

He sips his drink…the cigarette meets the end of his fingers yet he has no idea it has reached the filter. Just like his life, he cannot shake it is the end of the smoke, for it cleared already and the pain he feels is of his own making. Hold the cigarette tightly, then light, then puff, then put it out. Just like life it must have a course of action. It must be attended to or else it will sting. The same conclusion will happen with no action over and over again until there is nothing left but burned fingertips. Light, puff, then put it out. Please for the sake of your own sanity put it out. Don’t fall into the abyss like so many others for it is easier to give up then it is to continue to go straight. And how can you love someone who doesn’t love themselves? How can you breath their last breath for them? You can’t. You can only sit and watch the pain they self inflict upon themselves as well as you for caring. I may care too late sometimes but forgive me if there is a god for I have lived in fear and it is all I have known. But I am tired of excuses. I am tired of this life full of fear, shame, avoidance, and guilt. I don’t expect anyone to save me from it when they cannot save themselves.We all have turmoil. Some hide it well, others display it on a platter for the world to see. I don’t care anymore if ┬ámy makeup isn’t done, my clothes don’t match, my heart is in the right place. I ask if there is a superior being to help me achieve some kind of enlightenment for it has been too long fighting the negative forces around me. I see where I went wrong, I see where others go wrong, I try to help them and myself but really all that matters is what energy I expel. I hold onto my own hand as if it is the last time I will feel my pulse in my wrist for tomorrow is unknown. Life is beautiful enough, and I hope someday I can feel as if I don’t have to speak any words to someone, just feel their embrace and know all the pain was worth it. I love too much, lost too much, but live no regrets for regrets do nothing but hold the spirit down.

Dirt

You were the Clyde of my life

swept me through the water

then sank me down under

I tried to breathe but the rhythm was off

my rhythm was off

it was only to the beat of your heart

And it was only when I felt my last breath

I wanted to run away and live…

Raise me up

then take me down

throw the mud over my hair

and kick me to the ground…

but I will blink it all out of my eyes

count the bruises

and never do it again…

never do it again…

You were the Clyde of my life

I may have played Bonnie

but inside I could hear the bodyguard song

and thought Whitney was right all along…

as you played Sweet Jane

as if I was kid handed a candy cane…

that was too old to eat…

Raise me up

then take me down

down to the ground

fill me full of dirt

then kick me when I make a sound

cuz’ all you wanted was silence

but no silence could quiet your own mouth.

 

Realization

He stares into the night as if the road isn’t there anymore. He is driving but he appears to be floating mentally above the clouds, placing himself so high no one can catch up. Not even the pope, an oracle, Einstein, Dali, or any brilliantly crafted person could reach him. He chooses to be lost. There is the road but it goes back around in circles, creating a diversion even the strongest person could fall into. I have seen those eyes before, saddened, beat down, and fallin’ like the sword of a samurai. I don’t know when your eyes lost their color but I wish they could be restored the brightest color possible. I try to figure out all the triggers but so many exist it is nearly impossible to sustain some kind of bliss. Your mouth moves like a poem then a dagger. I blame myself but there is no way all your pain was caused by just me, you barely knew who I was. Perhaps, you could not see all your pain eventually manifested in me, like a ghost haunting a soul so I became the warrior. Left with scars, empty eggshells I once cracked to make you breakfast, I hold onto the thought the scars and eggshells will eventually just be nothing more than what they are.They will no longer remind me of suffering but of sacrifice. To change, is to sacrifice a part of yourself you no longer can be at harmony with. You were the part of myself I let go. You are a reminder pain exists but should never be laid upon another soul, already lifeless, already bruised, already out of battle. I may not be perfect but my god I have sustained myself through the impossible of times, and deserve a heart not secured by cast iron. I am too tired to peal back the layers of what is to find what was in someone. I am too broken to trust a world of creatures who move calculated rather than spirited. I will adore those who remain true and ignore those who chose a lie.