The Stones-Part One

She was a sweet girl. The kind that would love anyone not even worthy. She was loving at some point, but in a dangerous manner. Which resulted in her being preyed upon in her younger years by some of the worst of vultures. An easy target once with her lack of understanding of the world; but now thats changed.

The world has become painfully real. She observes behavior for what it is. That is what is killing her inside now and she knows it. So many vultures in the world, that she aches for a rest. Moments where she could just close her eyes and catch up to the present, by facing a brutal past. She never felt like she had rest. And one night, her need for rest came, but in the strangest of forms.

“Come here.” A voice whispered.

But there was no one there at first. She kept ignoring these voices for months. Thought it was just her depression going through a cycle. Perhaps worsening then later improving. Until he appeared one terrifying day. A man without a face and bag of stones. He left her two stones with eyes painted upon them. She screamed, like any normal person would have.

“Go away! Go away!”

Her mother rushes towards her, shocked at what she is witnessing. Her daughter, cowered in the corner, as if death was upon her.

“Do you see it? That thing with the bag of stones? Do you..?!”

“There’s nothing here. It’s alright… it’s.. hunny!” She calls the father.

“Yes?! What is..”

“Call 911, grab my jacket…our daughter is in trouble! Quickly!”

“But mom, I don’t want to go anywhere. What are they going to do to me?”

“I will be right there with you. Nothing is going to happen to you. We just need to figure out what is going on hunny.”

The ambulance is flying to the hospital as if she has just been in an accident. Her mother is more nervous than she. The empty face man is staring at her in the corner of the ambulance. Just staring, freaking her out silently. She’s afraid to tell her mother how long they have had this secret staring contest. Sometimes she would wake up to him levitating above her.

She knows it must be scary for people who can’t see what she sees. It feels like she is nothing but a burden, with a broken mind. That her alive inside too.

“Almost there hunny. Hang tight.”

“He’s sitting there. He’s calm now.”

“Okay. Good.” Her mom responds, realizing her daughter might have a long term relationship with this thing.

Of course they order scans of her brain, to rule out any possible tumors or other abnormalities. It all comes back negative. The faceless man still finds corners to just sit and stare at her in the meantime. Smiling, still carrying his creepy stones.

Is he admiring me? She thinks. Does he hate me and want me to torture me? I’m so confused. Is this some kind of symbolic breakdown? Is he all the messed up people I have loved? What is he to me? 

All these IV’s are being started again admidst this chaotic mess inside her head. Everytime she is poked with a needle, the faceless man smiles. He seems to enjoy watching her suffer.

What a sick thing?!  She thinks.

Her mother and everyone in the room is looking upon her as if she is some kind of experiment gone wrong. It only adds to the stress, but she doesn’t blame them. This is like living in an alternate reality, only certain people have experienced. She doesn’t even think the devil deserves it, as she watches her tears fall, and the faceless man grin some more.

 

Miss Voiceless Part One

She runs frantically through the aisles, not noticing how frantic she appears to other people. He will probably be waiting for her when she gets back. A shame, since she hardly ever leaves the apartment. A fight will of course ensue; a raging battle, where all her fears come to life. She went to the store: a betrayal of trust in his delusional eyes. This made her stay at home mostly to avoid an argument. She tried everything to avoid an argument.

There was nothing normal about it. She clung to her pillow at night, silently crying, and hoping her would not hear a sound. He hated when she cried. He hated when she laughed, too!  He looked upon her as if she was auctioned off to him, and had no right to feelings. He wanted to control her, not love her. He wanted to brand her emotionally, to keep her in her place. Like a little doll who never spoke.

His words stayed with her most days. He’d leave to work and sometimes without ever saying goodbye. Other times, yelling at her before he left. She tried her best to keep things up, but he never paid attention. It was the one pair of pants she didn’t wash, the natural wearing of utensils, the way she cleaned up after his laziness, etc. Nothing done was seen and all he could see was the negative perception he wanted to.

This was an emotional death trap he started.  She felt never good enough as a result. She neglected herself as a result. She pondered all about his other options, because she felt like one. The opposite of real love; to treat someone as if they are replaceable. But deep down, he was the one truly hurting, but taking that pain out on her.

Fueled by a narcissistic culture, he praised the weak and was disgusted by the strong. He embraced a misogynistic perspective without being aware of it. His echochamber of madness, affected everything and everyone around him. He influenced others, and to her she felt like it was the 1950’s again for women in some ways.

Although she did not mind some aspects of the 50’s culture, she felt some modern men ideally want a woman who: pays half the bills, takes care of any children, takes care of the house, and cooks. This perspective was unfair in her eyes.

Are most men like this deep down inside? Do some clean and cook alongside their partner? I think it’s rare in my own experiences, but I don’t know about anyone else’s experiences. All I know is teamwork is the best method. No one becomes exhausted that way. 

And that was the truth. He initially exhausted her. When she had a job, he wasn’t considerate. He didn’t care if she got any sleep, cleaned without his help, cooked a full meal and did dishes until midnight. He didn’t care she could lose everything if he couldn’t chip in once on awhile. It wasn’t about building something together, but rather what he could build out of her.

It disgusted her. The way he put so much effort into appearing a certain way. He cared so much about his car, his hair, his smile, his money, and his material possessions. He spoke ill of others who did not embrace his same sentiment. He treated people like dollar signs, not humans. Those who had less, made less money, or were in unfortunate situations, did not have his sympathy. He blamed the poor for being poor, and praised the rich for being rich.

She felt like one of them to him: a poor disappointment. She thought if she had more money, he might actually love her. The thought sometimes made her resent herself, then oftentimes him as well.

Even when I almost had it all, he didn’t even notice anything but himself. She thought.

Now more than ever she had seen the situation for what it was: dehumanizing. As she pulled off each petal of a flower, she imagined letting the past go. It had been months, and his insults still were part of her thought processes. She knew it wasn’t going to be as simple to rewire her brain, as it was to pull pedals off of flowers. But she was one of the ones who woke up, rather than lived in a slumber. And those kinds of people have stories to tell, and voices to be heard.

 

 

 

Miss Revived Part 6

The next day at work was gut wrenching.

“Suz! Get I go that pan cleaned up for me as soon as you can!” Her boss said while throwing it into the hours worth of a pile.

I hate my life right now. All I’ve been through and I end up back here, cleaning the filth of society or being a modernized servant. She thought.

“Do you think that’ll wash itself Suz?”

“No boss. I’m sorry.”

Am I a whiner right now? They all look at me oddly when I cannot focus upon mundane tasks because my brain is constantly thinking of philosophical questions without answers. 

Even when Suz thought she wasn’t moving fast enough, she was. The looks she received seemed to be mostly admiration, envy, or nothing deep at all. Suz seemed to think everyone wasn’t on her side until they proved otherwise though. A skeptic of most; a lover of a few worthwhile.

I can’t wait to get out of here. Anything is better than having my hands burning in hot filth dish water. She thinks.

“Good job today.” Her boss said with half the meaning behind it.

“Thanks.” Suz attempted to reply genuinely to the disingenuous tone.

The smell of fresh air ignited her senses like a match to a gas stove. She always would stroll into a nearby park, escaping the busy streets and reminiscing about the way the corn fields smelled. The sounds of birds chirping in the morning and the crickets at night. It all gave her a kind of peace, nothing or nobody could. The park was an escape, her drug compared to everyone else’s usually toxic choice.

“Suz! Suz!” A familiar voice yelled, disturbing her peace.

“I thought that was you!”

“Oh hello Ciera! It has been a long time! How are you?” Suz asked, hoping she wouldn’t ask her too much.

“Same old. Going to college. Parents paid up my apartment for a few months, so just catching up on studies. They seem to think I should have a 3.5 but this was their idea to send me here. I’m just going through the motions to appease them for now. Haha.” Ciera admits.

“Well I guess that’s better than not being in school.”

“I suppose. I’d rather be out working sometimes, but I know they’d give up on me if I dropped out. So feels like I have no choice.” Ciera said while looking depressed.

“You could trade lives with me? Haha! Want to wash dishes and try to go to college? I feel like a crane lifted me and kept dropping me up and down all day. I’ve change in my car, slept on benches, carried 10 hours of classes worth of books. And I don’t even have if it’ll be worth the investment? Haha! All I can do is hope. And hope sometimes isn’t enough.”

“That’s definitely deep Suz. I’m sorry I forgot how much you’ve been the recently, with the hospital and all? I don’t want to upset you by mentioning it but I was worried. Look if you ever need anything, like a night out.. it’s on me. Well, my parents really. Haha! That sounds horrible but I sometimes forget how well I have it. It’d definitely make me feel less selfish to do something nice for someone else. Plus, I can tell you need it more than me.”

“I truthfully don’t know what I need. I don’t think anyone can give me what I need either. I just want to get to a point where I can give and give. It’s so much better for those in this world who have more to give. They have a choice; give or be self absorbed. It is actually quite a powerful one. I hope I can get there someday and be a positive influence. I don’t think anyone can help me but myself Ciera. But, thank you. If anything I need quiet nights. I have a world to compete with. And I’ve taken some steps backwards then forwards, then backwards again.”

“Gotta make up for lost time. I understand. Been there. My parents helped me so much out of troubles, I can’t imagine facing the world without them.” Ciera admits.

“We all have to eventually. We all become similar in the end. All that is known disappears and we must stand alone with what strength we have left. Your parents just want to see you stand, not lie down. Take it as a good thing. Some of us have felt like we walked through life alone since the day we were born.” Suz says with a strange accepting-like tone.

“Never thought of it that way. You really do put things into perspective. What I’ve always adored about you as a friend. You’re a rare friend Suz. Thank for that. I have to run to class or I’d stay.”

“It’s okay. I need to walk off work stress and study myself. I hope I run into you again.”

“I’m sure we will. Bye Suz. I’ve missed your face.”

“Yours as well. Bye.”

 

 

Miss Revived Part 5

“Well we’re done with the park and it’s getting late. What now? Should we find a random pub? Have a couple for old times sake? You really haven’t had a couple in peace. Our first excursion wasn’t the best, thanks to your old friend. Heh.” Cheryl said with a concerned voice.

They enter a local pub around the corner. Mostly full of middle aged workers, having one after a long day. It felt out of place but in a good way to Suz. She wanted to challenge her overwhelming fear of uncomfortable situations.

“You look like you need to talk, so shoot!”

“Truthfully Cheryl, I don’t think people understand me right now. I felt like I was under a microscope for years now by someone. I didn’t leave the house. You know why. You know my situation after situation the past few years was like. Like an A&E crime show episode. Except I statistically should be dead. I’m like the survivor who shouldn’t exist. There aren’t many of us to this degree. I don’t expect people to not think I am crazy. I act like an agoraphobic, bipolar,  empty vessel right now.” Suz admits with shame in her voice.

“But you are aware and awake somehow. You are fighting internally for your own identity back. Maybe I know more about it than you think, thanks to my mother. I’m sure just like she did, you still hear his voice and everything he said to demean you over and over. Like a drunk at a jukebox, playing the same song over and over. Except, it’s in your head and no one even hears it or knows. And if you told them, you’d be labeled schizo by ignorant people who aren’t psychiatrists. I know. It’s a common issue after extremely controlling relationships actually.”

“It feels like someone beat words into my head to the point where I could only think about myself in the manipulated way they wanted me to. All for control. All because of either fear or envy. Why not just love? Why is love not good enough for some people Cheryl?”

“Suz, I don’t know. But I do know it’s something inside of themselves that desires more. The ego drives a lot of beings in this world. That’s why it seems so dark. I feel humanity has to reconnect with certain things to salvage their empathy for not just one another but this physical planet and everything upon it. You bring that kind of light to this world. Even when you feel dark. That’s intense for those who are halfway there from your kind of transcendence.”

“You outdid your last compliment. I need to hang around you more. I’m really not used to this at all. Being complemented, being able to socialize, get into the car without the feeling of wrongdoing. I wish I could embrace it all better and not seem unappreciative. But I’ve forgotten what it feels like to receive real help and love. I want to remember right now, but I know time is the only thing that can help.”

“Indeed it is. You have to reconnect with yourself. Stop worrying about everyone else. You’ve done that enough to lift others up, but what have you done for yourself Suz? I say you draw a bath when you get home. Watch something you like for a change. Do something for yourself. One day at a time.”

“Sounds good to me. I don’t remember the last time I did anything for myself. You’re right but I still feel selfish.”

“Rid of the shame. Your heart will beat better without it. And go watch some Gabor Mate. Find anything or any voice that contradicts his annoying, looming one inside your head. Think of it like reprogramming. I’ll see you tomorrow or the next day. Soon. Take care of yourself tonight, Suz.”

“I will.”

That night Suz ran a bath, polished her nails, watched all the things people around her didn’t show interest in. She was self indulgent. Noticing every scar upon her body, remembering what happened while washing it away.

How could I have let this body suffer so much?! All those who came before me to bring me to this  moment of time. I owe myself and them more. She thought.

 

 

 

Miss Revived Part One

She had the hair like the sun, eyes like the trees, and a mouth pink like a rose. She never carried herself right, beaten down by the world, the minute she left the hillside. The green pastures, the star filled nights, the crickets almost on the clock every single night provided a comfort she now longed for. Busy city streets, busy lights, and busy faces everywhere. No time to slow down. No time to speed up. No time for anything but work and sleep. That’s how she always felt. Life was always a struggle. Never a blessing. Always a fight, without the encore.

And recognition was rare in busy city life. So many people, they all seemed to blend into a vortex of nothingness together. To create one force of nothingness. Some convincing themselves it is something, while they poured that dirty regulars coffee for the 18th billionth time. Some realizing how little their existence meant, carrying themselves with at least a kind of admirable humility. Some wallowing in their own misery, clearly taking it out on everyone else.

The way she saw it was you had three choices to be; ignorant, intelligent, or angry. There was no other choice when doing mundane jobs. It was, play one of those parts or starve.

Deep down she knew it was time to evolve. Time to break away from the role partially. Time to think about some way out of the cycle of work without passion. She was done listening and ready to go out and fight down life again.

For awhile she spent time being purposely mundane, blending in, and going along with the motions of the majority. No one cared. She didn’t mind at the time, but the hole in her chest cut deeper as each day of meaningless existence passed on.

One night, she made a big mistake. She calls it an accident to this day, but the truth remains inside of her; like a haunting vessel at sea, it provokes her thought processes. Every dryer, every tub, every story like hers still subtly struck.a nerve. A tub, a plugged in phone dumped into it, and a complex without power was the scene. Crying parents, her lifeless-like body lifted from the water, while her burned wrists looked like some kind of sacrifice was the scene. She, of course, doesn’t remember anything but waking up in the hospital.

They thought she did it on purpose, so she had to say it was an accident.

Why am I still here? I wasn’t supposed to live?! Now I’ll have twice the bull crap if I admit to anything. Yup! Total accident! Geez. I really screwed this up. Can I go back? Undo this? Nope, haha! Of course not! She thought.

The nurse was intuitive, knew something was off about the situation but her hands were tied without proof. The cellphone accident was plausible as well, so it was written up as a mistake on reports.

I guess this is my second chance at life created out of death. 

The thought was strangely comforting. Perhaps she needed to look death in the eye to be back to life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Miss Magic Part XII

“Stephen’s apartment is on Broad Street. I can check the mailboxes find his apartment number. You just keep a look out for anyone.”

“Will do. Better you than me, I am a clutz. I’d probably get caught.” Olivia admits.

Stephen’s apartment sat on a corner, of course it wasn’t the greatest complex. Neither was the neighborhood. Kid’s toys almost lying in the street from parents who didn’t pick them up. Perhaps, let alone supervise their children.

The mailboxes were mostly broken so it was easy to find his. Nothing looked like it was maintained for over a decade. Both doors almost fell off the frame when Jackie went in.

“It’s not very nice in there Olivia. He shouldn’t even pay rent until it’s fixed up really, really that bad.”

“Geez maybe we should have left a tenant’s rights booklet.”

“I think the money will be helpful for now. We could help him again, you know?” Jackie suggests.

“Indeed. He’ll definitely need more help in the future.”

“We have to find another casino and do it right this time. Go in with a plan, know the layout, scout it out beforehand, and really watch our own butts! We may not get lucky again if we’re caught.”

“Exactly. I was thinking about the same thing. I feel guilty in a way, but we are helping other people who need it and taking from a greedy casino. So is what we’re doing still morally wrong?”

“Don’t think of such things so much Olivia. It will tear up your insides like they’re being put through a meat grinder. Let’s just focus on doing good in our own community, then move onto bigger things. Hopefully no one will question us, until we have done so much, we’ll be like some kind of vigilantes in a good way.” Jackie says with childlike enthusiasm.

“I agree. It’s not like I can just sit there and do nothing, knowing what I can do now either.”

“Let’s figure out a game plan tonight, don’t rush it too much where it is stupid though. Let’s hope we can devise a good plan by the end of tonight with some more Ben and Jerry’s, Netflix running in the background, and the occasional off topic conversation I bring up. Haha!” Jackie exclaimed.

“I can get along with that idea!”

“So who do we help next? I kind of picked Stephen. You should decide the next person. We can at least discuss that before we get to the store.”

“What about Urma? I mean she’s behind in her taxes, what if we just go pay them for her? Is there a way? What if I said I was a relative from out of state, just trying to take care of my families finances that went haywire? Believable, right?”

“I mean you look quite young for trying to clean up your families mess, but we can think up your occupation, and I am sure they won’t even get that far to ask that question. Geez Olivia, you worry too much sometimes. It is best to be prepared for the worst, but at the same time you can’t always combat bad things from happening. Bad things do happen to good planners. You ever plan a trip out precisely and every little detail you planned seems to go the opposite way as planned. Your coffee lid falls off, your car breaks down, your tire pops, the parking is full, the event was cancelled, and your friend never showed up, right? Do you fret or not? Or do you think well this is just crap and try to make the most out of the crap? Jackie asks in a joking, but at the same time serious matter. The thing that make her different from the others.

“I am guessing I have to say make the most out of crap, because what choice is there really? Wallow in it? Haha. No thanks!” Olivia admits.

“Anyways, we were originally talking about Urma. We should probably get back onto that subject. We’ll just say you are a pharmacist if they ask, if that makes you feel better having an in depth plan. I’ll find out where we need to pay her taxes beforehand, make some phone calls. But know this; I get it Olivia. You are the one with the powers, so if anyone gets caught it will most definitely be you. I don’t blame you for at times, breaking mentally down in a way and being human. I truthfully would be ecstatic to have my powers as well as scared.”

They talk on and off topic all night. Finding all the casinos statewide, the best to devise and plan for and the least. It was ambitious. It was not going to take just one night of planning either, which they both realized. There had to be trust built as well between them. The kind where one would take a bullet for the other without hesitation. They were serious at times and joked to ease the stress of planning. They were the perfect team: honest, loyal, and strong for each other when they needed it. A friendship one could hope for their whole life and never have the chance to obtain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Miss Magic IX

“I truthfully don’t want to offend anyone, but I don’t believe in angels  Olivia. I think that man was just a  second chance giving kind of person. A rarity in this world. Few can forgive, let alone give someone an opportunity out of it. ”

“True. I guess I didn’t think of it that way. I think of things in a symbolic way. I suppose I could have said he was like an angel.” Olivia explains.

“True. He was like an angel to us. He could have called the police. Who knows what could have happened?! They could have taken you away. Poke you with a bunch of needles. You do realize Olivia, what you have is desirable by those with power or money? You do realize what your ability could do in the wrong hands? Especially now?” Jackie asks with concern.

“I never thought of it that way until now truthfully. It was fun Jackie but I do realize it’s going to come with some not so fun parts. Like dealing with power tripping people.” Olivia admits.

“We have to look out for trouble. Me even knowing about this puts me in danger really.”

“Sorry I involved you in this. I had no one…” 0livia pleads.

“Stop! I’m happy you came to me. Although it comes with risk, you and I actually have a chance to make a difference now. We have a yet to be created purpose. Before this, I was just going through the motions in life. Olivia, this is pretty freaking awesome! Think about it! You’re like some kind of superhero.” Jackie says with the upmost enthusiasm, while raising her arms halfway to her sides like she always does when childlike excited about something.

“Thanks for being the coolest friend I’ve ever had.”

“No problem. You see I think we both can adapt to this situation quite well.” Jackie admits.

“Agreed. I can’t have my own back either all the time.”

“I think we need a night to recover. No more gambling for awhile, haha. Perhaps we should just sit around tonight and find out what you can do.” Jackie chuckles.

“Agreed. I’m exhausted. This whole night has been overwhelming.”

They drive back to Jackie’s apartment, grab some Ben n Jerry’s, a movie, and a new deck of cards. They contemplate possible future moral dilemmas and discuss ways to help others. The specific people they plan to help and the forgotten. They make plans to conquer the pain they see in the eyes of others.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Johnny Man (Not Boy) Part Five

“I really hope you both don’t think I wanted to do that though.” Liz says with a guilty expression.

“I know you didn’t. Please don’t feel horrible. If it wasn’t for you, Thomas and I would not be here. And who knows what they would have done to you if they found you Liz. You did some quick thinking and that is what we needed in the moment.” John reassures.

“Thank you.”

“Agreed. Sorry I am not the one with the words, but you were quite the impressive, most sneaky lady I have ever seen.” Thomas says.

“Thanks again guys. I really don’t know what we are going to do though if this place keeps getting attacked every night. I do not have enough ammo for a big fight every night.”

“We don’t. That’s why we must set traps Liz. Secure the perimeter. Intimidate. Send a message to people who want to steal from us, attack us, and not be with us: that we are a force to be reckoned with.” John declares.

They dig pits around the perimeter. Instead of creating stakes in them, they leave water and a morsel of food. The truth is, they need fighters. People who have guts but maybe lack direction. This will help create a strong community they both agree.

John comes up with a string system around the perimeter attached to bells inside the barn. He has them all labeled with numbers corresponding to a map he created of the area. He will know where an attack is coming from before the enemy even knows he exists. John has studied every inch of the landscape today. He studies everywhere to hide, run, engage or disengage. And Liz is quite impressed.

“I think you know this land better than me in one day John.”

“I know. That is the goal, haha. I can’t have you telling me where to run, while I am being shot at my dear! We all have to act independently at times.”

“Indeed we do.”

The bell rings. The one all the way on the left. John double checks the map and points.

“He’s coming from over here. If the bell rings several times, there must be more than one.”

It doesn’t ring again.

“Liz, you stay here. Thomas come with me.”

“There is only one though, John. I can handle it. Stop treating me like a baby. Thomas I am in charge, you stay here.” She says sternly.

“Okay, Liz. Come with me.” John says, trying not to argue at a crucial moment.

She grabs her submachine gun.

“I’m ready.”

John chuckles and they head in the direction of the potential enemy.

“It’s a woman, John!” Liz exclaims as they see her on the edge of the clearing. Her clothes look disheveled. She looks like she has been through something horrific.

“Stand back Liz! This could be a trap! Please stay back. Listen to me I do not have a good idea about this!”

She almost runs to her, but instead something inside of her told her to stay by John. He moves slowly towards the woman by himself. Instructs Liz to stay at least fifteen feet behind him. She follows his orders, secretly terrified inside, her heart racing more than it has ever before.

“Put your hands up slowly maim! I am just making sure this isn’t some kind of trap. If you are innocent you have nothing to worry about, my lady. And by some miracle you have found us.”

He sees three men emerge from the edge of the clearing as he moved closer to the woman.

“Please don’t kill me.” She says while in tears. “They hurt me already. Please don’t hurt me. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Liz, get ready.” He mutters.

Her words are breaking John’s heart. He knows this could end in tragedy depending on his next move, but moves have to be made. He moves swiftly towards the woman, only a few feet away and pushes her aside to the ground. He falls to the ground himself, then starts shooting, each bullet hits each man in between the eyes. They fall like cartoon puppets, like something out of a movie he imagines because the past memories he has of war would easily make him lose his mind.

“I didn’t want to have to do that. But once again; I had to do something I didn’t want to do in life. Liz come over here and help this woman. I have a faceful of dirt right now and am tired.”

Liz is in shock. She feels she has just watched one of the best gunmen in the world protect two women from harm’s way. She grabs the woman’s arm calmly, looks her in the eyes and says:

“My dear, you cannot stay out here. We must be quiet for now. It’s going to be okay now. You found a sanctuary in the middle of chaos. It’s going to be okay.”

The women quiets her sobbing.

“Thank you. Thank you both. I don’t know what I would have done if you both hadn’t been there. They tried to use me as bait. I’ve seen so much already. I’ve seen so much already. You have no idea.”

“Shhh. It’s okay. We’ll get to the barn soon and can talk there. Just stay calm.” Liz reassures.

John doesn’t say much. He is still in shock he just killed three men and hasn’t had to do so much killing since the war. He honestly feels sort of unprepared emotionally, but knows if he were to express this to anyone, they would think of him as a weak character. So of course, he doesn’t. His heart is heavy for the unknown woman that just graced their presence as a piece of bait. He thinks: How cruel do you have to be to use someone else as bait? This is the kind of behavior which has ruined our society and caused such great conflict in the first place. He sees this as a symbolic situation; sort of beyond the situation. It makes him sad, deep down. He wants everyone to join forces together who stand for a good cause, but he also knows ultimately some people will give into fear.

 

Miss Magic Part V

Olivia wakes up to a thunderstorm. The rain hits her air conditioner and makes a steadily annoying noise. She has gotten used to it over the years, but sometimes it is unbearable. She imagines it is some kind of beat and sits there at times writing words to it. It makes the noise less annoying and actually beneficial. She chuckles internally at how she has managed to do a lot with so little in her life. With all the annoyances in general. Big or small. How her ability to adapt to situations, seems to just be an almost ingrained genetic trait.

Her eyes look young, but brain is always alert, learning, and imaginative beyond her years. At times, she finds herself observing people more than engaging. She blames psychology. Now has ventured off into neuroscience as well, always trying to seemingly connect the dots people may not find. Most People can no longer critically think though she finds. Olivia feels lost in conversations, oftentimes afraid to share a controversial opinion.. Once in a while, she’ll encounter someone else who has read similar things though, has passion, and can engage in a conversation. But it is honestly rare. She finds herself creating characters out of all these engagements, changing the names of course, but always trying to find some kind of benefit; even if the engagement was negative.

She spent most of her day writing an outline for a story, then discovering it was pointless. So had grown used to the academic setting. It had started to condition her to treat her won writing in more of a structured way though, which went against certain natural creative abilities she possessed. This finally led to the realization she could no longer plan anything out to a T in general. Like a savage, she had to let her mind wander, be free, and just focus on maintaining passion. A difficult task when it seems the world is always trying to peel the walls back. Difficult to find a positive energy out of her life story she tries so hard to forget half of the plot to. Not out of her own regrets mostly, but other people regretting their inability eventually to actually show empathy towards the right people. Oftentimes, people are misled Olivia observes, like a herd of sheep led by the most outgoing dog. The loudest seem to prevail, but not always the loudest should be given the encouragement she feels. Sometimes the person hiding in the corner, only talking to one person, needs it the most but usually goes unnoticed.

She starts to feel edgy. This urge to call Jackie right at that moment and meet up again. It was so much fun. There is honestly, nothing she would rather be doing at that moment but trying to learn everything about her, but Olivia refrains.  She pets the cat for a moment of comfort, then retreats out alone in her typical fashion. Figuratively and literally.

She never leaves the house without matching from head to toe. Sort of this OCD thing she always had as a child as well. I guess no one called it out enough to change the behavior, but then again how is it a bad thing? She thinks. Ha ha. People take notice once in a while, then she feels the nice energy coming her way absorbs it like a chameleon.  Then back to Hermitville; her apartment again. Especially if it is winter.

She donates to literacy at the store, even though she has hardly anything herself. Sort of not caring anymore about materialistic things in certain situations. Always trying to find a way to take nothing from anything and give nothing to anything that is misleading. To her, that is the ultimate goal in life. To be able to reach the point where you desire nothing from anyone, take nothing from anyone, and be grounded entirely in as strange as it sounds; the self. If you cannot live with yourself, you cannot truly live. She thinks of this saying quite often. Has no idea where it came from, whether it be out of her own mind or something she read. Either way, it doesn’t bother her to have “credit” like some do. Everything is sort of an inspiration derived from another inspiration. Except in cases of straight imitation and depending on the context, it could be argued that person has a lack of creativity. Which can happen. Olivia was always mesmerized by Hollywood imitation, repetition, and fads in general. Not mesmerized as in buying into it, but rather amazed by how many people buy into the destructive: live fast and die young lifestyle. How some have become so ego fueled, they live in completely self perpetuated destructive cycle, and chip at everyone who actually cares with the blinders on. Such a shame, all the talent wasted on trying to stay “ahead,” no matter what the cost. Even if it seems to cost them their existence.

She often dreams of being as wealthy as those in Beverly Hills but her smile quickly fades. Imagining starving children in Venezuela seems to strike a chord. Too much suffering in the world, and not enough hope. She thinks. She can’t imagine the guilt that would come with immense wealth. Most people would jump at the chance to spoil themselves, but she would rather have animals and people around she could help. She would find a way to help others and still maintain some kind of profit margin in order to sustain it. Unfortunately, it seems most stash their money away, invest it in stocks, die without spending it, or spend it selfishly at all times. It just doesn’t make sense, she thinks. Why create a storm when you could create a rainbow?

She thought of her hometown. A man who owned a shoe factory that her Great Grandmother once worked for was quite kind to his workers. Olivia’s Great Grandmother had a mundane duty of inserting insoles into shoes. It didn’t pay much obviously, but the owner offered financing to his workers for homes. He basically built up an entire neighborhood around the plant for cheap and offered houses for an affordable price. The community had each others backs and was beautiful. The archway dedicated to him still stands. Olivia finds herself walking under it often, then looking up in awe. Still looks like it is made out of the best quality, and carved by some of the most talented of workers. She thinks Most have no idea what it really means, or probably even take notice though. Sometimes the best things are hidden in plain sight.

Her eyes are drawn to the magic kit again and away from deep thoughts. It was just sitting under the coffee table, collecting some dust. She still hadn’t fathomed the possibility she might be different. Convinced a lack of sleep at that time, caused some kind of psychosis. Blamed it directly on what she researched.

She pours a glass of wine. Finishes it rather quickly. It has been a while. She grabs the magic kit eventually.

“Geez. Just a piece of plastic from China probably. Just some toy. Some childhood token, messing with my insomniac, psychosis, infected, mind. Thanks.” She chuckles.

She puts the cards out on the table. Each one, one by one this time. Eventually they have to be placed upon the chairs as well. All fifty two of them.  We’re going to see if I am crazy. She says under her breath as if some unknown presence is there with her. Perhaps hoping there is some force therewith her. Partially tired of not having any excitement in life. She says with an exhausted sigh:

“If I am not crazy turn this Ace into an eight, please just show me if I have to be locked up behind a gate.” Then let’s out a chuckle as usual. But the chuckle didn’t last too long. She turned it over and it was now an eight. She was surrounded by a deck missing an Ace and having an extra eight. She frantically took pictures with her phone, in hopes of showing Jackie tomorrow and confirming perhaps; maybe she is losing her mind from a lack of sleep.  She drinks another glass of wine to take the edge off and dozes off, hoping to not have a nightmare about magic.

 

 

 

Miss Magic Part IV

Olivia grabs her shoes, all excited. Composed of all the energy of a titan until she runs into the somewhat nosy neighbor. She knows this will become a draining experience within two minutes but she feels guilty if she doesn’t endure it. The woman has no human interaction for day and is definitely a people person.

“What are you up to today? You look nice.” She says as if trying to be
invited.

“Oh. Just a Birthday party for a friend.” Olivia says feeling guilty
about lying.

“That should be nice. I hope you have a good time.”

“Thanks. Hope you have a nice day.” Olivia says quickly and nervously as
she is trying to calmly move away from the conversation.

She never understood what her neighbor does all day besides occasionally blast Christian rock music. No television is ever on, and no noise is really made. It is as if she doesn’t move all day. The thought concerned her really. Perhaps it is depression? She thought. She felt badly for lying to her and not inviting her but Olivia had waited so long for a real friend and didn’t want her to be scared off. She knows how skiddish she can be herself, and since Jackie seemed similar, she knew it could be risky. She was tired of taking a risk every time in her life for other people. But being selfish felt bad at first.

They met at Jackie’s favorite coffee shop. She drives miles to get there just for a Colombian coffee. Olivia finds this internally insane. She attempts to explain Jackie can buy Colombian coffee at the grocery tore, but Jackie swears it is nothing like the one she is currently drinking. She moves on from trying to save her money, suspecting Jackie might be not concerned with money at the moment. Realistically Olivia knows she doesn’t know her background yet, for all she knows Jackie could be a trust fund kid or one step away from living in the gutter with her Colombian coffee. Either way, Olivia is a bit concerned she might blow through her money buying dumb things, end up like the rest of us poverty stricken fools. Olivia had seen even the wealthiest of people fall because of bad behaviors. Anything is possible.

“So what’s the plan today?” Jackie asks.

“I don’t ever make plans anymore. Avoids the disappointments.”

“True. But how could anything we do together end up in disappointment? Haha!                We seem to entertain ourselves pretty well alone. Let alone around people
who are one in the same.” Jackie says with great enthusiasm.

“You’re right.” Olivia admits.

“Let’s go drive around until we find something! I know it sounds weird but I
have GPS so it’ll work out.”

Jackie had this reassuring nature Olivia needed at the moment. She needed someone who wasn’t afraid of life.  Wasn’t afraid to get in the car and get lost once in awhile with the right person. She felt sort of honored to be in her presence. As if she was a kinda of magical blissful fairy, showering her with fairy dust, trying to make her have fun. Deep down Olivia was stressed about money though. Based upon Jackie’s car she started thinking Jackie did not have the same problems as she did. Perhaps, she couldn’t relate to her struggles, but for some odd reason they clicked on the same wavelength regardless. They drove around until Olivia found a water park & adventure center. Of course, the billboard stood out and even though it was quite a drive, Jackie didn’t seem to care about the gas money involved. When Olivia tried to pull out cash at the gas station, she refused it.

“I just want a real friend Olivia. If you do me wrong in the end, it will
suck for you, not me! Ha ha!” Jackie said in a jokingly but serious
matter.

“Oh I know! I am not used to this treatment, my dear! I feel guilty even
accepting it. Please take something from me.”

“No. I don’t need it right now in my life. If I do in the future, I’ll
know you will have my back, my dear.” She said with the sweetest
demeanor.

“Thank you. It has been so long since I went anywhere like this place. In
fact, I don’t think I have ever been to a place quite like this in my
whole life.” Olivia said excitingly.

“I can tell. You are hiding your giddiness.”

While Olivia used the restroom for a moment, Jackie went to the ticket booth and bought both tickets to everything in the park. Even with the speedy “cut in line” access. Olivia was quite moved by this gesture, tears swelled up in her eyes, almost pouring down her cheeks but she held them back, back into her eyes out of embarrassment.

“Don’t you worry, my friend. Don’t feel bad. Let’s go have fun now. Let’s
enjoy everything we can right now.” Jackie said while she rubbed her
shoulder as if she was a child.

“Thank you Jackie. You don’t know what it means to me.”

“Oh I know, my dear. I’ve waited for a friend like you for too long.”

“Me too.”

They spend their day in inner-tubes like children. Flying down water slides at high speeds. Fitting in with children but not caring about the judgments of others. Having so much fun, nothing else mattered to them. Then onto the ziplines. They bought hats like Indiana Jones had laughing at they flew done the lines side by side, as they flew off. Not caring about materialistic loss. Just happy in the moment with each other. It was the first time in a long time, they were both genuinely happy around another human being. They both knew these moments would never be forgotten and could not wait to go on another adventure.