Miss Magic Part IV

Olivia grabs her shoes, all excited. Composed of all the energy of a titan until she runs into the somewhat nosy neighbor. She knows this will become a draining experience within two minutes but she feels guilty if she doesn’t endure it. The woman has no human interaction for day and is definitely a people person.

“What are you up to today? You look nice.” She says as if trying to be
invited.

“Oh. Just a Birthday party for a friend.” Olivia says feeling guilty
about lying.

“That should be nice. I hope you have a good time.”

“Thanks. Hope you have a nice day.” Olivia says quickly and nervously as
she is trying to calmly move away from the conversation.

She never understood what her neighbor does all day besides occasionally blast Christian rock music. No television is ever on, and no noise is really made. It is as if she doesn’t move all day. The thought concerned her really. Perhaps it is depression? She thought. She felt badly for lying to her and not inviting her but Olivia had waited so long for a real friend and didn’t want her to be scared off. She knows how skiddish she can be herself, and since Jackie seemed similar, she knew it could be risky. She was tired of taking a risk every time in her life for other people. But being selfish felt bad at first.

They met at Jackie’s favorite coffee shop. She drives miles to get there just for a Colombian coffee. Olivia finds this internally insane. She attempts to explain Jackie can buy Colombian coffee at the grocery tore, but Jackie swears it is nothing like the one she is currently drinking. She moves on from trying to save her money, suspecting Jackie might be not concerned with money at the moment. Realistically Olivia knows she doesn’t know her background yet, for all she knows Jackie could be a trust fund kid or one step away from living in the gutter with her Colombian coffee. Either way, Olivia is a bit concerned she might blow through her money buying dumb things, end up like the rest of us poverty stricken fools. Olivia had seen even the wealthiest of people fall because of bad behaviors. Anything is possible.

“So what’s the plan today?” Jackie asks.

“I don’t ever make plans anymore. Avoids the disappointments.”

“True. But how could anything we do together end up in disappointment? Haha!                We seem to entertain ourselves pretty well alone. Let alone around people
who are one in the same.” Jackie says with great enthusiasm.

“You’re right.” Olivia admits.

“Let’s go drive around until we find something! I know it sounds weird but I
have GPS so it’ll work out.”

Jackie had this reassuring nature Olivia needed at the moment. She needed someone who wasn’t afraid of life.  Wasn’t afraid to get in the car and get lost once in awhile with the right person. She felt sort of honored to be in her presence. As if she was a kinda of magical blissful fairy, showering her with fairy dust, trying to make her have fun. Deep down Olivia was stressed about money though. Based upon Jackie’s car she started thinking Jackie did not have the same problems as she did. Perhaps, she couldn’t relate to her struggles, but for some odd reason they clicked on the same wavelength regardless. They drove around until Olivia found a water park & adventure center. Of course, the billboard stood out and even though it was quite a drive, Jackie didn’t seem to care about the gas money involved. When Olivia tried to pull out cash at the gas station, she refused it.

“I just want a real friend Olivia. If you do me wrong in the end, it will
suck for you, not me! Ha ha!” Jackie said in a jokingly but serious
matter.

“Oh I know! I am not used to this treatment, my dear! I feel guilty even
accepting it. Please take something from me.”

“No. I don’t need it right now in my life. If I do in the future, I’ll
know you will have my back, my dear.” She said with the sweetest
demeanor.

“Thank you. It has been so long since I went anywhere like this place. In
fact, I don’t think I have ever been to a place quite like this in my
whole life.” Olivia said excitingly.

“I can tell. You are hiding your giddiness.”

While Olivia used the restroom for a moment, Jackie went to the ticket booth and bought both tickets to everything in the park. Even with the speedy “cut in line” access. Olivia was quite moved by this gesture, tears swelled up in her eyes, almost pouring down her cheeks but she held them back, back into her eyes out of embarrassment.

“Don’t you worry, my friend. Don’t feel bad. Let’s go have fun now. Let’s
enjoy everything we can right now.” Jackie said while she rubbed her
shoulder as if she was a child.

“Thank you Jackie. You don’t know what it means to me.”

“Oh I know, my dear. I’ve waited for a friend like you for too long.”

“Me too.”

They spend their day in inner-tubes like children. Flying down water slides at high speeds. Fitting in with children but not caring about the judgments of others. Having so much fun, nothing else mattered to them. Then onto the ziplines. They bought hats like Indiana Jones had laughing at they flew done the lines side by side, as they flew off. Not caring about materialistic loss. Just happy in the moment with each other. It was the first time in a long time, they were both genuinely happy around another human being. They both knew these moments would never be forgotten and could not wait to go on another adventure.

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Miss Magic Part II

The air smelled different. Even the clouds seemed to roll in differently. She thought to herself, what the heck am I doing here? Perhaps I have ventured out too far from the nest. She imagined slowly turning back, getting back onto the plane, and back to her childhood room. She imagined lying her head upon her mother’s chest as she cried, but then the thought repulsed her. She realized there was absolutely nothing for her there. No opportunities worth fighting for. It was a depressing, but at the same time, uplifting fact.

She wasn’t like the others. Her eyes always paid attention to her surroundings. So internally exciting by all the activity, all the faces, all the lights, and all the accents. Sometimes she would go home and practice accents, attempting to pull them off in public, and realizing someone either fell for it or might have thought she needed a 5150 (mental institution). Either way, it slowly didn’t bother her what people thought. Most of the time her brain was honestly so intrigued by the behaviors of other people, she felt like an outsider, with a non-narcissistic personality disorder unlike the rest of society. She thought to herself often I sometimes wish I had a cabin, could eat beans and rice, and be left alone to write. But it seemed like the world swarmed around her, even when she barely came out into the light, either intrigued or misunderstanding her.

Settling into seeing palm trees rather than pine trees was quite the experience for her as well. Still is. But she managed to find the redwoods, which made her feel like she was Alice Wonderland as she walked through them. She always had a way of finding a balance. To her, if something made her sad, there was something else to counteract it. Always an answer with enough research and persistence.

She spent most of her undergraduate working heavily as a server, staying up late with homework, and a pot of coffee. Lack of sleep induced psychosis happened eventually and she was forced to put the books down. She often thought, I wish there were forty eight hours in a day. Can the earth’s rotation change right now, please? It always felt like there were not enough hours in a day and coffee.

At times, even in the big city, it felt lonely. She wondered if Neil Gaiman ever felt this way? Margaret Atwood, perhaps? I think so. She’d convince herself to keep researching and writing. Keep finding inspiration as well and trying to give it back in appreciation.

The struggle was real. Like when a farmer asks you if you’d like a chicken, walks over, and cuts it’s head off, real. With no family support system nearby, working as a server, and trying to compete with those who might have had a bit more support, she felt sort of silenced at times. Money equals powers but let’s be honest, some people shouldn’t have money because they are honestly irresponsible with it. She often thought, they’re so dumb, they couldn’t even hire a decent financial adviser?  Then internally laugh, trying not to look externally crazy having deep thoughts like this at the laundromat. Until one day another quirky, eccentric, character like herself walked in to the laundromat. It was as if it was going to take a couple more run intos on Sunday evening (the weirdo avoiding time) for them to talk. But finally, she spoke:

“Uh. You dropped your underwear. Sorry I noticed.”

She looks down embarrassingly. “No. Uh. Thanks for noticing. It would have been more embarrassing if anyone else came in here.”

“No problem, girl.”

“My name’s Olivia. What’s yours?”

“Jackie. They call me jackles the crazy but I just act crazy. Please don’t tell them.” And she laughs hysterically.

It was at this point in time, Olivia knew it was like all the forces in the universe, like all the particles in the air, conjoined to form a planetary like friendship bond no other binomial nomenclature could possibly come close to. But then again, anything is possible. Olivia never rules out anything in life.

 

 

 

Metropia and Why I Find It Fascinating

If you were to look up Metropia on wikipedia, it is described as a  “2009 English-language Swedish-Danish-Norwegian adult animated mystery thriller drama science fiction film.” Quite the jargon. And that is exactly why I find it so fascinating. I have never seen anything like it visually or quite read anything like it. The director and writer, Tarik Saleh, once explained how the film was created using still photographs, photoshop, and then animating with adobe affects effects. The characters are real people with effects added, but somehow able to maintain this humanistic quality. Especially in the eyes and expressions. It must have taken quite the time and patience to approach a movie using still photographs, but the finished product has such a futuristic but humanistic feel as well.

When you watch the trailer, Roger is introduced and he seems to be struggling with a mental health issue, appearing to be afraid of “voices in his head.” He seems to be questioning his sanity, always anxiety ridden internally, yet trying to keep it together in a world which seems quite bleak. The year is 2024, place is Europe, where oil has depleted and automobiles no longer exist. Everyone takes public transportation, everyone lives in the same unfulfilling controlled life, where it seems like something is unnatural around all the characters. The environment excretes depressing feelings.

People are obsessed with a shampoo that has a sort of mind control commercial, with a blonde women, Nina who makes you want to go buy it immediately. This is where the science ficton part comes in (or is it, haha). The shampoo contains a chemical which creates this surveillance of your thoughts. It absorbs through the skin and acts like a chip in the brain, connecting it to AI intelligence agencies. Those in power, obviously abuse their power, influencing people’s free will, intruding on thoughts, and even making Roger question his sanity at some point. Roger of course doesn’t realize this shampoo is causing a lot of his anxiety, but he soon will.

Eventually he runs into Nina, the face of the shampoo, who confides in him all the secrets he  never would have known. Roger discovers he has been hearing the voice of a man, who is terrorizing people with this power. With Nina’s help and information, he is able to find the source of his voice, and detonate a hello kitty stuffed toy with an explosive planted inside, inside the facility.

Metropia is a look inside a world where boundaries do not exist. Where your thoughts weren’t inside your head, but heard by others. Where your life was drastically changed by a lack of oil and thrown into an bleak setting. A world that constantly watches your every move, through your television, and finds it “normal.” A world where your wake up, questioning your sanity because of the unnatural elements thrown into your life. Although, it is bleak for the duration of the movie, the end does offer a resolution. There would be no point to using AI in that kind of manipulative way, and it could be quite damaging, so eventually someone like Roger will destroy it. Eventually, someone as intelligent as Roger would come across the right whistle blower like Nina, to stop it from happening.

 

The Sullen

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It just crept up on her. Like a sullen boy looking for a sullen girl. There were no words to describe it. Words were no longer easy to craft. And that, my friend, was one of the signs, she drove past, with her foot upon the accelerator.

But no, she wasn’t really wonder woman. She couldn’t just drive through all the obstacles she faced with acceleration. And that, my friend, was another sign, she again drove past. She was a little girl who thought the world was about dreams, fantasies, creativity, imagination, and boy was she wrong. She thought the world would just shed rainbows upon everyone who was deserving. But no, that’s not always the case.

Life can be difficult. Unnecessarily so. She never could see reality as clear as the others. Things can happen at any point in time that can change your perception of yourself. Nothing could have prepared her for this. No curriculum, no adopted ideology, nothing could prepare her for the obstacle she faced. And no person would want to face this. Especially unknowingly.

Perhaps, that was always the issue. She was a dreamer. And then when the dream ended, reality set in and so did the clouds. The rain seemed longer than it actually was. The days seemed longer, and the nights we riddled full of a lack of sleep that no sleep aid could fix. Her eyes would shut, but the noise never did. She thought it was normal.

Did she build this fallacy of a dream and ultimately create this depression? Or did something else? The question always plagues her but there will never be a definite answer. Realistically, the answer is both. In her eyes there are so many factors in situations, she doesn’t even want to think about the past anymore. And when she does, the most sullen of beasts grips onto her as if he will never let go, for there is too much to decipher and reflect upon.

She knows if she digs deeper, she will only discover more people just like her. And the thought, brings a cringe to her face. Just a number she thinks. Everyone of us is just a number now to them. How can you keep your sanity as a number?

How can you not be just a number, when they made you a number?

She knows the fact she even asks these questions brings her hope of escaping an ideology which has done nothing for her but help further her depressing state. A kind of institutional virus she paid to be injected with. Her own ideologies questioned, not embraced in discussion. Her papers written all over with biased red ink. If she looks over them now, it will make her even more infuriated than ever.

So much difficulty she faced, just trying to be herself in a world where acceptance is so hard to come by.

She looks outside though. The sun is still there, shining. She remembers it has always been there and always will be there probably until the day she dies, no matter what happens. She thinks, they sure as heck cannot take away the sun, so I should be okay. Some things cannot be controlled by the human hand.

Drunk Writing Experiment

So..I have never done this before and I don’t why. I decided this afternoon I would drink some rum and write about nothing in particular just to see if anyone really gives a s*it.  I’ve decided I want to try to fulfill the drunk writer stereotype just for today and it is kind of fun but something I would honestly not do every day. Anyways, and yes I am throwing in a typical anways with a mother fucking comma like a cliche retard….right now I am listening to Eyedea and Krisoff Krane “Best Friends.” I think it is one of the most creative lyrical rap songs. Maybe it is honestly because rap lyrics usually are about tits, ass, cleavage and butt cheeks. Haha, I just said the same thing twice on accident. OH not really, just on purpose to get my message across. I really enjoy this song and I think I should invest some time into music reviewing. I just realized I listen to about just everything and I fucking hate people who say they do when they don’t. To listen to everything would mean you have been pushed to such boredom you must find something new everyday to listen to.  That sucks..and yes, I live in a shit town where I must do this but you know what? I don’t care because I have culture without the culture. I have been reduced financially as a poor student to find my only way of expression…which is compounded by a lifetime of influence no one thought would mean shit but I knew all along would eventually be admired by the general public. I have literally watched everything I listen to become mainstream. I am not going to be one of those people who complain about it but rather I think it is evolution of music. However, I think if a person has talent they should just start their own label. Do it and be it. You don’t need a contract anymore. Be thankful for that. I think writers should also be thankful they have access to such inspiring music without the need of money anymore either. It essentially makes it possible for writers to zero in on any genre, any artist, any medium, anything you fuckin want. We may think we do not have freedom as writers but we do now more than we ever have. It is an illusion they want you to believe you cannot have influence.

I write every fucking day not because I want attention but because I want to be an inspiration. I also want to appreciate other artists, especially in music since it has been the backbone of my spirit. In times when humans were not there for me it was all I ever had. And I believe I owe something to it. And maybe i dont owe anything, anything but really I want to make it right. It is like if someone buys you lunch,  you buy the next lunch. That is how I feel about anything that gives me inspiration. i have to take that energy and use it and by god I will.

Life is a quest for nothing; but it is in nothing that we find everything.