Rejection and Reactions

Rejection can be difficult to accept. No one wants to be rejected by another person but the reality is it will happen. In my experience, most people have not responded well. This needs to change.

There are many reasons why someone might reject another person that has nothing to do with the other person. Perhaps, they are not ready to date or be in a relationship. Maybe they have suffered too much trauma and would rather focus on themselves. Maybe they are going through something personal and feel it wouldn’t be fair to another person to also deal with that struggle. Perhaps they’ve had too many bad experiences and prefer to be alone at this point in life. Regardless, it is the choice of that person to reject another.

If it is a reason related to the person being rejected they could lack the self-awareness to realize this. The conversation could be uncomfortable to have and result in hurt feelings. In my opinion, looks are not healthy to solely focus upon but if a person is not attracted whatsoever to the other person this can be a hindrance. If a person has bad hygiene, dresses inappropriately when invited to certain places, and/or doesn’t take care of themselves it can be a major red flag and turn off. Some will say it is shallow to look at appearance but in reality it is the first thing the world sees and responds to. If everyone showed up to an interview with inappropriate attire, they would be less likely to make a decent impression. Same goes for dating. Also, people have preferences. Some might like certain fashions while others do not. Don’t try to bend yourself to another person as well and lose yourself. Some people will accept the look you’re going for. Why change when the person you’re seeking could be right around the corner?

Too often, people cannot handle rejection because it hurts. It deep down makes a person wonder why but my point here is to help those hurting to understand there could be a reason that has nothing to do with you or if it does then it could be personal preference. What’s not okay to do is belittle, degrade, humiliate and/or continuously ask why if the person doesn’t feel comfortable discussing it. For all you know they could have had an awful past experience and you’re adding to their anxiety. Also, it is never a good look to not be able to handle rejection. If anything it validates the other person’s decision that you are not ready to handle dating let alone a relationship. Healthy people eventually move on and accept the decision. Healthy people don’t let other people dictate their value either. Like I said, someone could be around the corner who is the right fit but some people are too focused upon the person who rejected them. Handle rejection with grace, class, and respect. Value yourself enough to walk away and find someone else.

Flying Monkeys in Society

When someone says something awful about another person most people will wonder why? Some do not. In fact, they might go so far as to become a flying monkey for a disordered individual. By flying monkey, I mean do their bidding for them. These types of people don’t want any legal consequences for false statements about another person. Or they want to intentionally confuse their target to the point where the person has no idea where it is originating from.

Unfortunately, I have had to deal with this too often. I believe the intention is to isolate, intimidate, and humiliate the target until they either: a) become angry. b) develop a mental health issue. c) walk away feeling defeated. Regardless it is an absolute dehumanizing experience I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. Personally, I have been told or been confronted with the following rumors: A) I’m biologically male when I’m biologically female. B) My medical condition is contagious when I don’t have any contagious diseases. C) I’ve had audio of me manipulated to paint me in an awful light. D) Told I was lying about experiencing abuse when I have proof. E) I have never worked in my life when I have. F) I’m an addict when the people spreading this tried to peer pressure me into becoming one. G) I live in my Mom’s basement which is untrue. H) My art is not my own when I can prove it is.

Imagine being stuck defending yourself from untrue statements that not only have real-life consequences but leave you with trauma. Imagine waking up each day trying to simply move on but having a group of people focused upon not letting you do so. I can say with confidence, even after all the injustices done to me that I have never contacted someone’s friends, family, or new lover in attempt to derail their life. I have let some of the worst characters walk away into their own karma without intervening to that extent.

Flying monkeys have become socially accepted to the point where victims are now villains. People have no clue they are supporting the further abuse of others by supporting and speaking gossip about the person who escaped. If they do have a clue, they are just as disordered as the person who originated such manipulation. A chunk of society needs to wake up to the fact at some point they supported some of the worst people because of the discrediting and smearing of victims by flying monkeys. Until people are educated on the red flags associated with smear campaigns and flying monkeys they will continue to be part of the problem.

Like a Wave

You came in like a wave

Took over my shore

Caused nothing but pain

Built your castles with pieces of mine

Put my soul in a bind

Wrapped my mind with pieces of twine

Then took off in a boat

Waving at the shoreline

If the waves could speak

The story would be endless in time

I’d say I wish you the best

But it’d be a lie

———

There’s no honor in what you did

There’s no fear in my heart within

I’ll strike you down, you’re full of sin

Now you’re peddling backwards

Thinking it’s a win

——

You came in like a storm

But I’m used to waves crashing upon my shore

Enough has been said

I’ll anchor your head

With the thoughts you gave me

Left me depressed in bed

Prepare for the blind travels up ahead

But without the stars

A ship is empty lead

Just like your soul

Gluttonous, waiting to be fed

It’ll always leave you shipwrecked

Surrounded by destruction and death

Now I’m sailing away off to new shorelines

Time on my side, no longer in a bind

I feel the sunshine replace the moonlight

The sunshine replace the moonlight.

Smoke Fills His Eyes

Standing in his tower

Waiting to devour

All the peasants with his presents

But they can’t be bought

Then lights up cigarette

The smoke fill his eyes

To no surprise

The illusionist denies his lies

Ashes on the floor

Fire waiting at the door

Spins it in his hand once more

One more shot of whiskey, poured

———

And he says: I was good to them

Can’t sleep at night

Long enough to pretend

Tried to bend their will

But they all move on, mend

———

Standing in the bar

Waiting for happy hour

And all the girls that look like her

But can be lured

Then lights up another cigarette

Playing all her old songs on cassette

To no surprise

They don’t see the illusionist’s lies

Booze on the floor

Users around wanting more

Starts another cycle once more

One more woman destroyed, until he’s bored

Until he’s bored….

Nothing More Fragile Than a Memory

There’s nothing more fragile than a body
Maybe a grain of sand in the wind
But when you break it down
It’s really the same thing
Her eyes looking up at me
The color leaving her skin
Will be a memory I’ll never be able to erase
But I helped her gain closure within

Now you’re flying like a bird
Free of suffering and pain
Sorry the world failed you
It’s full of sin
But you’re a beautiful soul
And sometimes they take the good ones first
Dry your tired eyes
I’ll hold on for you
Until every fragment of my being bursts

There’s nothing more fragile than a memory
Maybe a cell the mind cannot comprehend
But when you break it all down
There’s still fragments unwilling to bend
Her hand held in mine
Withstood all the pressures of time
Her light could leave the whole world blind
Rest your soul, dear
I’ll take on the path and find
A way to give the voiceless a voice
Unbind
All the pain people punish without asking why?

RIP Nana Pat. This is dedicated to her. I’ve been avoiding posting this since she passed and have been processing everything…but I feel like it needs to be shared.

Two Paths Diverged and They Try to Claim Both

I’m too tired to explain

All they do is complain

I’m in a different reality

They try to shift blame

Pretend online to be sane

While I psychoanalyze their brain

Then two paths diverge, they try to claim…

Both

I’m crawling on my knees, they mock

Throw rocks

Acting justified for causing roadblocks

Every time I try to light my own fire

Projecting jealousy like it’s a new attire

Trying to clip my wings before I aspire

Pray on my downfall while being a liar





Must have a projection to fill

Too much time to kill

Misdirected hatred to spill

While claiming I’m the one who needs a pill

No medication could build them character

No redemption is left for the disparager

No one wants to be around the instigator

Time to reflect, some were never fair to her





I’m too angry to respond

All they do is a cyclically move on

I’m like a different song

Where our melodies don’t get along

They’re out of key trying to say I’m wrong

So jealous of women who are strong

Have to settle for the one who’s weak like a fawn

Prey upon them like they’re roadkill at dawn

While people like me wait for you to make a mistake

Seal your own fate behind gates

That’ll never open

To leave another dove without wings

Try to gaslight, move things

I’m setting your psyche up in flames

Had enough of all the mind games

Dimming your false light

Until you’re proven insane

It’s my time to reclaim

The will they tried to tame.

Narcissistic Mirroring Explained from Experience

The strangest thing narcissists sometimes do is mirroring. It’s strange to the victim or survivor because they usually feel as if the narcissist despises their qualities. The last logical thing they would think a narcissist would do is mimic, copy, adopt their particular interests, and/or mannerisms. The reality is they do so and whether it’s unconscious or deliberate is questionable in my personal opinion. I feel based on experience; it is a combination.

Most people have certain songs, artists, hobbies and interests they relate to. It is a source of inspiration, strength, and influence upon our lives. In cases where a narcissist deliberately takes on your characteristics falsely as their own; it is about reversing the roles before a naive audience usually and ruining the things that once brought you joy. Prepare to have your ideas, interests, mannerisms, writing style, word choices, taste in music, taste in specific subjects, and/or even your own creations copied in an obvious manner. It might start subletly, where they gaslight you into believing they had the idea, taste in xyz, etc. They might even go so far as to put down certain things you like then a couple weeks later be suddenly intrigued. As the victim catches on, they realize this is not making any sense. Instead of giving their partner validation for certain qualities, the narcissist adopts them, stripping the victim of a sense of identity. The victim might think they are the possible narcissist even for trying to create the necessary distance needed for health individualism in a relationship. The codependency created within a trauma bond period also makes this difficult. This creates even more confusion within the self; the perfect game for the narcissist to evolve the “good” qualities mimicked from previous partners they tried to destroy.

In instances where it’s not deliberate, I believe it’s almost unconscious for them to adopt what others see as admired. This is most likely to fill the void they have from not facing their unconscious selves and requiring constant validation from an outside source. Evolving from an adolescent stage would require confronting why the narcissist thinks they way they do and how this causes them to treat others as mere objects without any empathy. They most likely won’t face this until something catastrophic happens and even then so might chose to live in a kind of delusion. If they see others admiring certain qualities about you, they will desire that attention and attempt to gain it in the same manner. In a way it is shedding light on how they strategize through social situations rather than approach them with authenticity. Sadly, this is why we see many narcissists changing supplies like they are changing shoes in their lives or repeating cycles with different faces.

Based upon my own personal experiences, I believe the best way to counteract this is to not over share anything around suspected narcissists in general. Sometimes they are unavoidable in our lives, persistent, and lack boundaries but we must defend our boundaries initially. Especially to those who are keeping themselves too much of a mystery in a sense. In dating scenes, they tend to rush commitments with love bombing so this stage becomes more obvious once you’ve experienced it. Unfortunately there’s no way to prevent this from happening realistically. It could start as you genuinely just sharing things about yourself as a natural stage of getting to know someone, then completely blindsided by their mask slipping suddenly. Sometimes this happens due to their impatience with your healthy boundaries which is key. When you approach things with a bit of caution and have researched narcissists throughly enough to leave, it speeds up the cycle and leaves the victim with less damage. I have observed a crucial red flag, if a person only speaks of themselves or only listens/observes you; this could be something to pay attention to. If conversations seem a bit forced, one-sided, or invasive it could be a sign. Seeing even the smallest red flags in a predictable sequence could prevent the mirroring stage from even beginning. I hope this can help prevent others from going through the stages of narcissistic abuse. Thank you for reading.

The Entitled Man Complex Rant (Heavily Sarcastic)

They all wait until she’s vulnerable again to try to make their predictable move. As if they’re James Bond but it’s more like an unfunny Austin Powers. Or maybe they’ll wait until they see her happy with anyone or anything else. God forbid she move on like they’ve done a billion times to her and then cried victim once the other one didn’t work out. I mean even the cat is a threat to these types. Why does she pet it so? Why is she not ignoring the cat for me? Haha. Perhaps she has more of a heart than I see in some people right now.

Who cares about my favorite color? Who cares about my needs, right? It’s always been about them it seems in the moment. And now that it hasn’t been for a while, it’s a problem. Oh here’s round two coming. Haha. Now let’s pressure her with endless texts saying everything she wants to hear to gain back our control. Let’s lie and say we will be serious soon while my entitled Man Complex self sits here and knows that isn’t the real plan. I’m using her to make other women jealous, insecure, and peacock around like I’m on the national geographic channel. The mission is now complete as he appears desirable in the end. Using her and other women to elevate the lack of real confidence he has. Underneath there’s really nothing there to offer but he expects women to sit there on a shelf. Just be quiet baby. Let me ruin your chances of finding someone who is actually emotionally available.

If you don’t accept the offer then prepare for round three of Mister Entitled Man Complex predictability. He cannot just let you go freely in peace. He might just try to wreck any relationship you try to have after him like a child throwing his toys all around because the one who rejected him is the one he wants. But really? Or is it just the ego? She’s mine! Run around telling everyone he’s so heartbroken when he never had an ounce of compassion for you. Or maybe he’ll just insult you directly or underhandedly and it is obvious projection. Leaving you with either A) Take the blame. B) Walk away wounded.

But….if you catch onto what is really going on you might leave with your dignity but you will forever be the enemy of the Entitled Man Complex crowd. Be prepared to defend your stance over and over against these types until they become exhausted zombies. Now they see you as a challenge, but in reality they’ll never be able to handle the challenge of a real relationship. Leave these types with that message ladies and never settle for a circus or a zombie apocalypse of a life.

I see too many beautiful, intelligent, and vibrant women settling for less. I hope my quirky words encourage you to do otherwise. I would also like to add if you are male and can relate to this: you deserve better as well. Thank you for reading. ❤️

Apples In Your Eyes

There were apples in your eyes

But to my surprise

Turned out to be forbidden

Poisonous inside

Branches break

Under the weight

Evil steering you away from fate

Had me following a trail of clues

Only to discover a false muse

Her lips red but hiding a bruise

Her head upright but hiding screws

In the neck

——–

Thought it was our garden of Eden

But it wasn’t our season

All that was ripe

Has rotted today

Turned to particles

I breathe away

———

You were a king in my eyes

But all the lies

Turned out to cost you paradise

Forest entry denied

With inflated pride

Days go by

Like dark shorelines

With only saltwater to drink

Gave to you something divine

You shunned away all of humankind

Broke the hourglass of time

Now it’s slowly running out

Our time has run out

Planted a seed of doubt

In myself

Changed my route.

Wait For Me

He says wait for me

Pitch a tent by the sea

Don’t try and come rescue me

Cause’ I’m not worth your last buoy

You filled the world with your tears for me

You swam the darkest waters until you had to flee

Now just bask in the reality

Your love is unstoppably free

———

She’ll cross hell for you

Cut her oxygen until she’s blue

Let you think she doesn’t have a clue

When you twist the knife in her back

For the false few

Who wouldn’t do a thing for you

———-

He says sing to me

I miss your voice, soothing melodies

No one can carry me out of the darkness I seek

Cause I need the light you bring to me

You filled the room with air to breathe

Told the demons start paying a fee

Now rest your head on a pillow, no need to see

You fought a war against me for me.