Smoke Fills His Eyes

Standing in his tower

Waiting to devour

All the peasants with his presents

But they can’t be bought

Then lights up cigarette

The smoke fill his eyes

To no surprise

The illusionist denies his lies

Ashes on the floor

Fire waiting at the door

Spins it in his hand once more

One more shot of whiskey, poured

———

And he says: I was good to them

Can’t sleep at night

Long enough to pretend

Tried to bend their will

But they all move on, mend

———

Standing in the bar

Waiting for happy hour

And all the girls that look like her

But can be lured

Then lights up another cigarette

Playing all her old songs on cassette

To no surprise

They don’t see the illusionist’s lies

Booze on the floor

Users around wanting more

Starts another cycle once more

One more woman destroyed, until he’s bored

Until he’s bored….

Nothing More Fragile Than a Memory

There’s nothing more fragile than a body
Maybe a grain of sand in the wind
But when you break it down
It’s really the same thing
Her eyes looking up at me
The color leaving her skin
Will be a memory I’ll never be able to erase
But I helped her gain closure within

Now you’re flying like a bird
Free of suffering and pain
Sorry the world failed you
It’s full of sin
But you’re a beautiful soul
And sometimes they take the good ones first
Dry your tired eyes
I’ll hold on for you
Until every fragment of my being bursts

There’s nothing more fragile than a memory
Maybe a cell the mind cannot comprehend
But when you break it all down
There’s still fragments unwilling to bend
Her hand held in mine
Withstood all the pressures of time
Her light could leave the whole world blind
Rest your soul, dear
I’ll take on the path and find
A way to give the voiceless a voice
Unbind
All the pain people punish without asking why?

RIP Nana Pat. This is dedicated to her. I’ve been avoiding posting this since she passed and have been processing everything…but I feel like it needs to be shared.

Two Paths Diverged and They Try to Claim Both

I’m too tired to explain

All they do is complain

I’m in a different reality

They try to shift blame

Pretend online to be sane

While I psychoanalyze their brain

Then two paths diverge, they try to claim…

Both

I’m crawling on my knees, they mock

Throw rocks

Acting justified for causing roadblocks

Every time I try to light my own fire

Projecting jealousy like it’s a new attire

Trying to clip my wings before I aspire

Pray on my downfall while being a liar





Must have a projection to fill

Too much time to kill

Misdirected hatred to spill

While claiming I’m the one who needs a pill

No medication could build them character

No redemption is left for the disparager

No one wants to be around the instigator

Time to reflect, some were never fair to her





I’m too angry to respond

All they do is a cyclically move on

I’m like a different song

Where our melodies don’t get along

They’re out of key trying to say I’m wrong

So jealous of women who are strong

Have to settle for the one who’s weak like a fawn

Prey upon them like they’re roadkill at dawn

While people like me wait for you to make a mistake

Seal your own fate behind gates

That’ll never open

To leave another dove without wings

Try to gaslight, move things

I’m setting your psyche up in flames

Had enough of all the mind games

Dimming your false light

Until you’re proven insane

It’s my time to reclaim

The will they tried to tame.

Narcissistic Mirroring Explained from Experience

The strangest thing narcissists sometimes do is mirroring. It’s strange to the victim or survivor because they usually feel as if the narcissist despises their qualities. The last logical thing they would think a narcissist would do is mimic, copy, adopt their particular interests, and/or mannerisms. The reality is they do so and whether it’s unconscious or deliberate is questionable in my personal opinion. I feel based on experience; it is a combination.

Most people have certain songs, artists, hobbies and interests they relate to. It is a source of inspiration, strength, and influence upon our lives. In cases where a narcissist deliberately takes on your characteristics falsely as their own; it is about reversing the roles before a naive audience usually and ruining the things that once brought you joy. Prepare to have your ideas, interests, mannerisms, writing style, word choices, taste in music, taste in specific subjects, and/or even your own creations copied in an obvious manner. It might start subletly, where they gaslight you into believing they had the idea, taste in xyz, etc. They might even go so far as to put down certain things you like then a couple weeks later be suddenly intrigued. As the victim catches on, they realize this is not making any sense. Instead of giving their partner validation for certain qualities, the narcissist adopts them, stripping the victim of a sense of identity. The victim might think they are the possible narcissist even for trying to create the necessary distance needed for health individualism in a relationship. The codependency created within a trauma bond period also makes this difficult. This creates even more confusion within the self; the perfect game for the narcissist to evolve the “good” qualities mimicked from previous partners they tried to destroy.

In instances where it’s not deliberate, I believe it’s almost unconscious for them to adopt what others see as admired. This is most likely to fill the void they have from not facing their unconscious selves and requiring constant validation from an outside source. Evolving from an adolescent stage would require confronting why the narcissist thinks they way they do and how this causes them to treat others as mere objects without any empathy. They most likely won’t face this until something catastrophic happens and even then so might chose to live in a kind of delusion. If they see others admiring certain qualities about you, they will desire that attention and attempt to gain it in the same manner. In a way it is shedding light on how they strategize through social situations rather than approach them with authenticity. Sadly, this is why we see many narcissists changing supplies like they are changing shoes in their lives or repeating cycles with different faces.

Based upon my own personal experiences, I believe the best way to counteract this is to not over share anything around suspected narcissists in general. Sometimes they are unavoidable in our lives, persistent, and lack boundaries but we must defend our boundaries initially. Especially to those who are keeping themselves too much of a mystery in a sense. In dating scenes, they tend to rush commitments with love bombing so this stage becomes more obvious once you’ve experienced it. Unfortunately there’s no way to prevent this from happening realistically. It could start as you genuinely just sharing things about yourself as a natural stage of getting to know someone, then completely blindsided by their mask slipping suddenly. Sometimes this happens due to their impatience with your healthy boundaries which is key. When you approach things with a bit of caution and have researched narcissists throughly enough to leave, it speeds up the cycle and leaves the victim with less damage. I have observed a crucial red flag, if a person only speaks of themselves or only listens/observes you; this could be something to pay attention to. If conversations seem a bit forced, one-sided, or invasive it could be a sign. Seeing even the smallest red flags in a predictable sequence could prevent the mirroring stage from even beginning. I hope this can help prevent others from going through the stages of narcissistic abuse. Thank you for reading.

The Entitled Man Complex Rant (Heavily Sarcastic)

They all wait until she’s vulnerable again to try to make their predictable move. As if they’re James Bond but it’s more like an unfunny Austin Powers. Or maybe they’ll wait until they see her happy with anyone or anything else. God forbid she move on like they’ve done a billion times to her and then cried victim once the other one didn’t work out. I mean even the cat is a threat to these types. Why does she pet it so? Why is she not ignoring the cat for me? Haha. Perhaps she has more of a heart than I see in some people right now.

Who cares about my favorite color? Who cares about my needs, right? It’s always been about them it seems in the moment. And now that it hasn’t been for a while, it’s a problem. Oh here’s round two coming. Haha. Now let’s pressure her with endless texts saying everything she wants to hear to gain back our control. Let’s lie and say we will be serious soon while my entitled Man Complex self sits here and knows that isn’t the real plan. I’m using her to make other women jealous, insecure, and peacock around like I’m on the national geographic channel. The mission is now complete as he appears desirable in the end. Using her and other women to elevate the lack of real confidence he has. Underneath there’s really nothing there to offer but he expects women to sit there on a shelf. Just be quiet baby. Let me ruin your chances of finding someone who is actually emotionally available.

If you don’t accept the offer then prepare for round three of Mister Entitled Man Complex predictability. He cannot just let you go freely in peace. He might just try to wreck any relationship you try to have after him like a child throwing his toys all around because the one who rejected him is the one he wants. But really? Or is it just the ego? She’s mine! Run around telling everyone he’s so heartbroken when he never had an ounce of compassion for you. Or maybe he’ll just insult you directly or underhandedly and it is obvious projection. Leaving you with either A) Take the blame. B) Walk away wounded.

But….if you catch onto what is really going on you might leave with your dignity but you will forever be the enemy of the Entitled Man Complex crowd. Be prepared to defend your stance over and over against these types until they become exhausted zombies. Now they see you as a challenge, but in reality they’ll never be able to handle the challenge of a real relationship. Leave these types with that message ladies and never settle for a circus or a zombie apocalypse of a life.

I see too many beautiful, intelligent, and vibrant women settling for less. I hope my quirky words encourage you to do otherwise. I would also like to add if you are male and can relate to this: you deserve better as well. Thank you for reading. ❤️

Apples In Your Eyes

There were apples in your eyes

But to my surprise

Turned out to be forbidden

Poisonous inside

Branches break

Under the weight

Evil steering you away from fate

Had me following a trail of clues

Only to discover a false muse

Her lips red but hiding a bruise

Her head upright but hiding screws

In the neck

——–

Thought it was our garden of Eden

But it wasn’t our season

All that was ripe

Has rotted today

Turned to particles

I breathe away

———

You were a king in my eyes

But all the lies

Turned out to cost you paradise

Forest entry denied

With inflated pride

Days go by

Like dark shorelines

With only saltwater to drink

Gave to you something divine

You shunned away all of humankind

Broke the hourglass of time

Now it’s slowly running out

Our time has run out

Planted a seed of doubt

In myself

Changed my route.

Wait For Me

He says wait for me

Pitch a tent by the sea

Don’t try and come rescue me

Cause’ I’m not worth your last buoy

You filled the world with your tears for me

You swam the darkest waters until you had to flee

Now just bask in the reality

Your love is unstoppably free

———

She’ll cross hell for you

Cut her oxygen until she’s blue

Let you think she doesn’t have a clue

When you twist the knife in her back

For the false few

Who wouldn’t do a thing for you

———-

He says sing to me

I miss your voice, soothing melodies

No one can carry me out of the darkness I seek

Cause I need the light you bring to me

You filled the room with air to breathe

Told the demons start paying a fee

Now rest your head on a pillow, no need to see

You fought a war against me for me.

Miss Silent

She looks down at a broken body that is unrecognizable. Nothing feels connected. Hands to feet, head to spine; it no longer feels like its own. A droid, who has been replaced with obscure parts after each incident of trauma. The brain, overwhelmed, but attempting to rewire itself to all the new pieces. Sparks flying, as she smiles brokenly and no one notices it’s just hiding an avalanche of tears that could flood the world for all of its sins. F**k. She can’t hold it inside anymore. It has to go somewhere.

Have you ever had someone take your soul? Pull it down to the depths of an abyss of sh*t and make you stare right at it while it’s on fire? God, I can’t help but hate him. I can’t help it anymore. The day he dies from his own self destruction will be the day I come back alive. She thinks.

She fought the demons in her sleep; woke up with burns. She fought the devil at her feet; woke up with cold limbs. Awakened to a woman hovering above her face with the brightest yet darkest eyes. And she screamed so loud all the forests would have shaken to the ground. Yet still, no one even heard a sound. They formed their circles all around, laughing and gossiping. She laid down, her head on the concrete, staring at what was left of her body. Staring at the front door, hoping just one genuine person in the world would knock. No one ever came.

They’re right. No one is going to save you from the monsters in your head. No one is going to save you from the monsters outside either. I will never understand why? Why did you have to take what wasn’t yours? I can’t sleep at night without your visits into my fu**king beautiful dreams. I can’t stop fighting this disease you put in my head so I lucid dream. I plant palm trees, cats, and sunshine in literal paths where you haunt my unconscious. I am afraid to sleep alone and afraid to sleep by someone. I am afraid one day you will reach me again. I have been running so long now I can’t feel my feet. Sometimes I wish I could go to heaven already. But I realize I’m here to teach the demons on the ground a lesson.

She’s meeting a woman at noon who is living in an illusion and has no idea. She knows the mirrors will be shattered, time will revert back to normal, and her heart might just feel like it’s going to explode like a bloody supernova. Her eyes may swell so much from crying the nerves behind them could enlarge. The wall’s normal sounds could start to be a threat and every person who passes by her home could be his retaliation. She wants to prevent this all. Miss Silent gives the magic door to escape the ultimate sequence of trauma. That’s her purpose out of all the unnecessary trauma; be the magic in a void.

Her hands move anxiously around a coffee cup. Changing positions every two seconds like the plagued mind on overdrive thanks to this son of a b***h.

He doesn’t probably give a hoot, lounging in his PJ pants, and watching the latest law and order while being unjust trash. Someone should smash the tv set with a hammer and make him looked into a mirror. Miss Silent thinks.

“I don’t understand if I’m being unreasonable. He may not be up to anything. He could be just at work. Maybe this is silly.” The distraught women says.

“Does it feel like someone kicked your stomach?”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

After a long pause mixed with fear, she says yes.

“Just let me help but you must trust me more than him. More than any person right now in your life. And it might be the strangest request you might have to fulfill, but everything you know is an illusion. I’m the dose of painful reality that will bring about your awakening.” Miss Silent says with an unshakable confidence.

Safe Box

In the safe box where no one can hurt me
Recovering from fighting all these adversities
Don’t want to be found, threw away the keys
Found freedom being a recluse, living in dreams
World full of illusionists, I won’t crawl on my knees
Rather be alone than fit in with these beings.

Social Media & Facades

We’re living in a day and age where people can just create facades online. I grew up with the fortunate experience of when you wanted to meet someone, you had to call them and meet up. There was no sneaky way of hiding behind a mask. A facade back then would rapidly dissipate into a billion fragments of nothingness. But now, we have an issue with social media. And perhaps, some people don’t understand why I go on these tangents about the toxicity of it. Well, because it’s destroying the mental and sometimes physical well being of the human population. Not just the victims of these kinds of perpetrators are suffering but those who do anything to maintain this image. They’ll self destruct just for the likes, follows, and validation.

They’ll take enhancement drugs, stomp on vulnerable people, and even use subtle covert bullying tactics. Everyone on the outside sees nothing but just a simple post, while the bullied victim knows the real meaning behind it; derived from previous private conversations. They’ll steal other people’s ideas and create a narrative that they have this obsessed weirdo who copies them. Haha. Anything to stay on the fake podium they created. Anything to keep those who are authentic competition feeling like they should leave the playing field. It’s like the kid in competitive sports who yells at their competitors at the worst time in order to humiliate them. We all know one of those, right? Well now with social media they’re some adults with keywords.

And people say don’t call them out? Don’t engage? Well what are you supposed to do when platforms don’t take reports seriously and just let bullying carry on. They’ll imply you perhaps need tougher skin? Nah. I would like to be the softer version of myself without having to turn into a nightmare to protect myself from these vultures. Haha. I would like to feel safe to be vulnerable instead of feeling like I am attracting a bunch of crows attempting to dig into my flesh and find an Achilles heel. It’s unfortunate that I try to maintain composure by not engaging with negative energy vampires but some of them seem to take that approach as a challenge. And the more boundaries I put up the more they try to infiltrate my walls. I personally build until it’s like the great wall of china. Haha. I guess tiring them out is the best strategy.

No one will ever tear me down now that I’ve been through it all but I do worry about the younger generation of vulnerable people. This world needs change and that kind of change needs to expand to how we interact with eachother online. It’s easy to forget there are real humans behind a screen but I hope it becomes normalized to think before hitting post. Thanks for listening. Thanks for the support.