Don’t Bother Me if You Don’t Respect Me

/ LittleMissTigress / 2 Comments

I would like to make people aware I have been dealing with harassment on several platforms now for awhile. This is unacceptable. I have health issues which are affected by stress, PTSD, and some people are aware of this yet chose to continue to try to hurt me. Some are people I rejected, people who don’t respect my boundaries, and/or people who can’t handle losing at video games. At some point I thought I would end up having a mental breakdown. I lost sleep, cried, and have been dealing with this feeling very alone. I still cry but I don’t try to let others break me.

At some point, I couldn’t even comment on YouTube without some fake account bothering me. “Get help” one said when I posted about how much I liked an artists song. Some of the replies made no sense in context to what I was saying. This made me incredibly uneasy. I stopped speaking for a while.

I was told at times what people said about me behind my back. Making fun of my clothes for example because apparently I’m not privileged enough to afford the latest designer closet. I know. I’ve known. Please stop. Enough damage has been done.

If I posted anything advocating against abuse especially on twitter, fake accounts would pop up with a clear intention to upset me. I ended up deleting my account after years of torment gone unchecked. If I had posted links to bring awareness to women especially being abused/murdered I had repetitive comments trying to frame me as weird. As if my interest in cases where justice wasn’t or couldn’t be served was odd. People tried to manipulate how others saw me repeatedly. It started to seem like the same people or person. Statistically speaking usually it is. Some of my insights were published in articles by the way. I was trying to do good in this world. Why would anyone object to that? What good comes out of silencing someone with those intentions?

At some point, my Facebook was hacked by someone who did not like me. I am now going on years without talking to family overseas because of this. This has made me extremely uncomfortable and I am fearful to go on the platform.

In gaming, I was harassed for ten months by people in a certain gaming community. Called ugly, stupid, and yelled at uncomfortably while I played. Someone also had accused me of cheating I found out and even started reaching out to people who followed me to tell them to unfollow me. Eventually I suffered a suspected ddos which fried my console I believe. I clipped people throwing games, spawning me in ceilings/basements and they were obviously afraid I’d expose this.

I guess what I’m getting at here is you have no idea what people are going through in real life. I will never view the Internet as safe anymore. I will never be able to trust anyone off the bat even more. I have had horrific things done to me in real life and I felt for a bit there I could interact online but I don’t feel that way anymore. If anyone thinks this type of bullying/online mobbing is acceptable please do not follow me. If you are not here to support me please unfollow. If you are viewing this page out of maliciousness please leave. And I am asking anyone who has ever done anything to me they wouldn’t like done to them to please move on. As I said this has had an impact on my health, PTSD, and I would greatly appreciate it if I could be left to create my path without unnecessary obstacles. Please be kinder to others online and respect boundaries. Thank you.

Don’t You Worry

/ LittleMissTigress / Leave a comment

Baby, don’t you worry, don’t you worry no more

The dark clouds will disappear for sure

I know the rain upon you head

Could flood the whole world

Don’t let it take your island

Most bow to false people everyone adore

But nothing can stop sincerity

When a false show becomes a bore

_____

So hold on tight

Until the universe puts it right

Hold your own hand

If you have no one left in sight

______

Baby, don’t you worry, don’t you worry no more

I know the waves are crashing against your boat

If you’re tired

I’ll bring you to shore

Carry you to the stars, become folklore

Heavens in your eyes

Your love will make me soar

All the pain will be worth it

When I find my other soul.

The Disinhibited Brain

/ LittleMissTigress / 2 Comments

Oh, the disinhibited brain

Could drive anyone insane

Fiery coals upon my feet, while they tell me not to complain

Synapses firing uncontrollably

Sleepless nights unfold for me

While feeling punished by a system

Making dollars off my lack of recovery

Chained to an invisible bed

Heart barely beating, I’m walking dead

Can’t even cry without eyes burning

No one listens to what I’ve said

While predictions come true

My soul is full of lead

—–

They’re walking us to early graves

Shutting our mouths

And putting us in an invisible cage

Yes, I’ve had enough

My mind is full of rage

I’ll fight for everyone

Create a change

———

Oh, the disinhibited brain

Can’t always fight the pain

They expect us to pretend to be okay or be tortured by blame

Synapses firing under the stars

While most sleep without these scars

One more needle in my arm

Blood drawn at dawn

Chained to expectations while they label swelling baseless

Medical gaslighting is just tasteless

I’ll rip apart your mind until you’re wasteless

Until you face this

Suffering you’ve caused

Nothing will get rid of my scars.

(For chronic pain patients and inspired by Take Care of Maya)

Haters Dictate Keyboards

/ LittleMissTigress / Leave a comment

Oh, they follow me

Think they’re so slick but I see

Quit wasting your time just let me be

I don’t need your hurtful comments, you don’t even know me

What’s the world coming to when haters dictate keyboards?

Sprouting out lies, causing people to be misinformed

Creating illusions and running with toxic sound boards

Can’t create in their own life, must be incredibly bored

Sick of this becoming the norm

Sick of villains creating empires while the authentic are ignored

But there will come a day, when they have nothing left to say

Tore down someone until they prayed, for God to take them away

——

All of you will be exposed

Tried to play nice, dead, silent but you come for me like we’re foes

Half of them don’t even know my name or what I’ve endured

Others want to keep me under control

—–

Oh, they follow me

Another fake profile just like your fake soul I see

Quit wasting your time let people be

I don’t need your judgments, can’t even sit with yourself peacefully

Can’t sit sober in reality, face what you’ve done and breathe

Must be so hard waking up to your own dichotomy

False persona for the whole world to see

Putting down others doesn’t make you live free

Will go to your grave someday buried by your own debris

Having done nothing kind towards anyone

Now let me be.

Energy Vampire, So Transparent

/ LittleMissTigress / Leave a comment

I tried so hard

Left with scars

You hopped into your car

Drove me over a cliff, went too far

And static noises came over the radio

The voices of your sheepish friends caught in stables

Throw another one back, unable, to forget all the labels

You threw at me while creating a fable

And I have no remorse, you played games first then mounted your high horse

No one owes you ride into the sunset

After you gambled away real love on a cheaper bet

———

Ohhh, I’ll never give into you

No money, no gifts, can make me join the queue

So used to getting your way

It’s always the same game, no one else is to blame

——

I tried so many times

Left knowing all the lies

Wanted me to stay in the dark and hide

While you ran around with others, misplaced pride

And if I tried to move on, you strung me along

Everything you write about me is your own tragic song

People can believe all your talk, but who’s really strong?

The one who tries to love or the one who runs like a fawn?

No one owes you endless chances

To stick the knife in with false advances

Couldn’t be alone for a second

Energy vampire, so transparent

You’re the energy vampire, so transparent.

Spit on Synergy

/ LittleMissTigress / Leave a comment

They say time is an illusion

That’s just to cause confusion

Keep you stuck in delusion, shackled until you need a blood transfusion

And I’m so sick of the games, always ahead of the pathway meant to drive one insane

Laughing at people wasting their lives to bring others pain

No one but haters join your entourage for a moment of fame

So strike your pose, no matter how many lights the darkness still shows

Smile turns into a grimace, can’t even write a thoughtful sentence

You watch my words like some kind of apprentice

Best keep your eyes on your road, you’re driving senseless

—–

Can’t touch me, not close to my energy

You work in packs while I spit on synergy

Have you thinking I’m at your mercy

When I’m praying people will just let me be, me

Just let me be me

—-

They say anger isn’t right

Just to avoid a fight

Keep you silenced on what provoked you, darkness hidden from light

And I’m so sick of the gag in my mouth, while trying not to complain

Imagine being violated in every which way, trying to stay sane

Not taking on shame, I’ll annihilate any smear campaign

I’m not cut from the cloth that makes you so vain

Looking in the mirror, eyes so empty they almost look clear

Keep trying to control my moves by inducing fear

But maybe you didn’t hear, I go through the depths of hell and reappear.

Miss Watched

/ LittleMissTigress / Leave a comment

She had no idea what darkness existed behind his smile. Chose to see the pearly whites and not the fangs. He devoured her free will like a ship being engulfed by the sea. No one could see the pieces at the bottom of the surface either. Maybe in the right ray of sunshine, it could be revealed; but to her the world felt so dark with hidden secrets.

He knew where she was going, when she left, who she talked to, and it became a dystopian nightmare. No privacy, no free will, and no way to escape.

She tosses the phone into the sea. Nothing matters but freedom. Nothing matters but escaping his gps grasp.

But eventually another type like him started doing the same. And it was clear as day to her, it would be a long battle confronting the darkness in others combined with technology.

Socially engineered situations became a bit too common. Coincidences seemed to add up to the point where they were no longer coincidences. She tested her theory over and over, only to confirm the reality is some people don’t respect boundaries of others. The world was no longer the same to her; anyone could know her before she even spoke. Such an odd feeling to have, to feel as if a lot of people were playing a character. Most people already do so, but the level she’s endured makes the past feel like a fallacy. Pretending to have her same interests while knowing information they illegally obtained. Pretending to not know where she’s going while watching her as a dot on a map. Just a dot, huh? Not a human? And why play this game?

Why couldn’t they just play themselves?

Because they were pieces of themselves. Bent, mis-wired, fearful, and everything they projected upon her eventually. Like creatures with no humanity or decency they prey upon others like they’re wild animals to be hunted.

It has to stop. She will be the one to disarm these types.

For now, we eat. She thinks.

The diner was awful. Loud to her already hypervigilant senses. Perhaps he would emerge or hide behind a keyboard. Either way, she was ready. Everyone on the outside would wonder why she started recording a similar vehicle to his but none of it mattered. Imagine feeling hunted like a fawn. Imagine being afraid to step outside your home. Imagine your nervous system stuck in a constant flight response and nothing being able to calm it down?

F*ck you. I will legally destroy and sue you once this is over.

She leaves. Within moments he’s in the rearview mirror with his beat up Honda and small d*ck. Haha. His entitlement wreaks of Bo and the I own you mentality of a patriarchal society that tells men they are owed a woman they never deserved.

She stops and lets him go by, recording his every move. To the outside world she looks crazy while the crazy person looks sane.

Turned to Stone

/ LittleMissTigress / Leave a comment

Most my lovers turned their back

Lost their way, eyes turned black

Turned from love, left me intact

Two bruised limbs, but not in lack

Started crawling on floors, now an upright act

Kept my dignity, while attacked

Haunting your dreams, truth is fact

Nothing can change, your odds are stacked

———-

How are you all so blind to not see?

What you’ve done creates your reality

Can’t be undone, must pay the karmic fee

Look in the mirror, you’re your own enemy

————

Most my lovers turned their back

Lost their way, eyes turned black

Turned to stone, just like an artifact

Lifeless pupils, avoiding eye contact

My stitches and broke bones, all counteract

The stories you’ve told, being matter of fact

My voice is pure, demons react

You’ve all lost your way, don’t come back.

Don’t Hear You

/ LittleMissTigress / Leave a comment

I don’t hear you, your toxicity

Go waste your time, not my energy

Put me down so many times I see

Come back around with an apology

I don’t forget, your words aren’t meant

Bend down and repent

Everything done will be exposed

It’s my destiny, one I have chose

——

Hold on, holding on

Staying strong

While you vultures wait on my lawn

Not realizing you’re your own pawn

——

I don’t hear you, just so see through

Like the authentic phoenix, I flew

Put me down for too long

Twenty years of feeling like a hunted fawn

I don’t forget, don’t suggest your drug cocktails of s*it

My minds unbreakable, maybe a bit physically unstable

Legs shaking but ll guide you right back to the stable

You came for the wrong one, I’m capable

Of ending your freedom, noose it up on a cable

That was meant for me

Oh, it was meant for me.

Endless War

/ LittleMissTigress / Leave a comment

       It feels like an endless war. Her feet are black and blue and she’s staring at the screws that were removed as if they are trophies. Years of pain and suffering went by as these daggers pierced through her flesh. They all stare as if she’s not worthy. No compassion left from some people. They’re just as tired of the battle, but forget she’s in it fighting on the ground. Knees swollen, raging, but still going. Still trying to meet the expectations of others while slowly slipping away from herself.

      Everyone she loved abandoning the war. She did for awhile, thinking a broken sword couldn’t withstand the groups of oppressors; to be fixed always being the goal. They pick, poke, prod, and move her like a ragdoll into situations; her body never feeling as if it’s her own anymore. Her choices taken away at times like she’s nothing but an object. Just sitting on a wall waiting to be poked, prodded, and picked at until her feet become so fragile nothing is left.

What’s freedom? She thinks. I don’t know what it feels like anymore. It blew away and only part of it came back. Real freedom comes from acceptance but I don’t feel it anywhere around here.

      It’s like purgatory; waiting to die but still living. Her eyes swollen from a lack of sleep thinking about what she’s been through. At times she wonders how she lasted this long. There has to be a reason but people try to take her reasons away.

    The narcissists come in to revenge, destroy and try to elevate upon her suffering. Like a neverending game of cat and mouse, except with her life and circumstances. Stealing ideas, trying to take what she creates, ripping off pieces of her personality while her body fights a battle they know nothing about. They don’t understand what it’s taken to develop into an authentic being.

She was once young, cruel at times, and immature. But loss created a different version now; one that cannot be duplicated. Her art comes from pain, interests from isolation, and maverick-like state from always being on the outside looking in. Never an accepted individual in a group. Those words don’t mix. Like vinegar and oil they sway in a bottle until she walks away silently.

It’s her battle, her story, her persona that has influenced many who will not dare to admit it. To them it’s like admitting a peasant changed them while they view themselves as royalty. Royalty that was delusional or inherited or copied from people like her.

This online world is nothing but a breeding ground for illusionists. Who’s really real? She ponders then laughs. I see through it all and that’s why I only attract the occasional authentic being.