Someone with the Devil Inside

I hope it’s nice out there

Sun shining here

Despite your rainy clouds everywhere

Some days it’s just too much to bear

Left with a thousand wounds from you

Acting like you’d always care

I swear you’ll never shed a tear

For how many women you left

Living in fear

How many days will you go?

With that evil glow

Someday it’ll blow

Yes, I swear you were a demon of some kind

Still trying to take away pieces of mind

But hold up, I ain’t blind

Had a good heart

But will never mess with your kind

So keep running your mouth

To all the fools you had hanging on a shelf

And I’m so glad I didn’t marry you

Rather crawl on my knees

Until they turn the deepest blue

You’ve probably already had a few

Not just beers, but people

Who end up not liking you

Cuz’ no one wants a fake fool

Living like a teenager

Acting like it’s cool, Haha

The jokes been on you

It’s on you

Go ahead try to escape

What mistakes you made

But you seal your own fate

Sitting outside the pearly gates

Burning alive

It’s no surprise

You’ll end up depised

No one wants to be beside

Someone with the devil inside

Someone with the devil inside.


Wheels and the Disablers-Part Four

Her tribe had not forgotten her. Through the lonely nights, the lack of escape, and the feeling of being shackled; they waited for her return. And they laughed at the way she kept going, the way she finally stood up for herself like they knew she would. And remembered the times she stood up for them, embraced fear as if it was nonexistent, while staring into the eyes of lost little boys declaring they were men.

The three way call was long overdo. They reminisced about the old days, where they had more freedom, were adventurous spirits on a pathway all the same. Enjoying the days as if they would never end. But distance would never keep them away from one another for long. That feeling was reassuring to Wheels, who now felt isolated in her apartment while watching the would go by outside.

“Hey remember that time you yelled at that one guy for grabbing my behind at the bar? Remember how scared he was of a little petite girl with a big attitude? And he was over six feet tall! Haha!” Sydney exclaimed.

“Yes. Of course I remember that night being the sober Mommy figure, protecting you girls as if you were my daughters! Haha. No regrets!”

“Or how you poured milk in school over your bullies head after the school wouldn’t listen to you? That was priceless! He never bothered anyone in that way ever again.” Angel laughed.

“Yup. Looking back, I hate I had to do it that way but sometimes the world doesn’t operate the way it should. Sometimes you have to teach a lesson so people can grow up and realize there is no elevating by themselves by putting others down.” Wheels said with a kind of tone that mimicked one of a new found maturity.

“Well, that was deep all the sudden. Haha. That’s what I love about you though Wheels. You can go from a joke to a serious remark in seconds. It’s like being on an adventure even just talking to you on the phone.”

“Sometimes it feels I am on a misadventure lately but it is up to me to make a reason for it. With every obstacle we face in life, there is the opportunity to create meaning. At first, it seems absurd but with time the meaning becomes clear.” Wheels sighed.

“Sorry Angel but I have to say something to Wheels. Listen. Don’t you ever forget who you are. I know you lost us for a while, but we were always there and we will always be there when you need us; you just have to ask. And I am so grateful you reached out. Some battles do not have to be fought alone. I know our modern society will say cliché things to you like: No one is going to help you, you must save yourself. But this is not always true. Yes, there are some out there who have no one but you are admired, loved, and some people want to see you do your best. Remember who you are, my dear. You are and always have been the warrior. Even penniless, even with one leg to stand upon, even after some managed to convince you, you are nothing; you still fought for yourself. I don’t think you realize how strong of a person you are.” Sydney said with a gasp as if tears were rolling down her face.

“I second that speech. I knew you were battling a war few survive but I also knew if a person could survive it was you. And there were times where I just wanted to help but felt powerless. Felt as if you were almost programmed to steer away from those who truly loved you and be loyal to those who only wanted to use you. Just know, no matter how much time it took; you won. You were able to get your head out of the dirt and into the water.” Angel said.

“You girls make me cry. I don’t even know what to say. I never thought I was that inspiring to you two. I thought you moved on, had a family, got married, and forgot about me. I really thought I was just a ghost to many people at this point.”

“You will never be a ghost. You have more will than some people acknowledge. And once you can walk again, I have a feeling it will become an explosion of creativity, adventure, and love will follow you everywhere you go.” Sydney encouraged.

“Don’t worry about those who doubt you. They don’t want you to get better, be successful, independent, and show them up. Imagine life is a game of dodgeball, where most are flinging balls at each other faces and there people like us are; standing in the back, barely throwing the ball because we don’t want to hurt anyone. In the end, who has their glasses on their face? haha. Us! Who has a non pelted body? Us! Why? Because we put kindness above competition. Now, that is having class baby!” Angel joked.

“I needed that kind of joke. It was getting too soggy around my eyes. My contacts are falling out girls. Haha. I look like I put marker all over my face from this mascara running.” Wheels chuckled.

“Oh stop! I have seen worse from you and you from me. That’s why we will never not talk. We accept the faults and the greatness in one another. Well, I have to head off to work! Goodbye Sydney. Goodbye Wheels! Love you both!” Angel said as she finally hung up.

“Me too! But Wheels, do not hesitate if you need anything. If you want us to visit just say so. We will pull you out of that apartment and into the fresh air if we have to carry you girl! Love you! Bye!”

“Bye, my beautiful friends! And thank you for being awesome as you always have been!” Wheels said with a new found sense of joy in her tone.

And it was at that moment, she realized they had never forgotten her like so many had said. They were just waiting out the tide like she was, waiting for the waves to settle and set into the shore. They were waiting to create new memories to replace the old turbulent ones that left her mind in a state of despair. There was hope always there, waiting to be rekindled at the perfect moment.

Shine For All Your Lies

And I see why

The stars in the sky

Shine for your lies

Fooled by your fake demise

Caused by the ones who truly loved you

You pushed aside

No good reason why

I never would of said goodbye

You chose a lifestyle

A way to die

Forced me to run away and hide

Forced me to face your true demise


Now I can see why

The stars in the sky

Shine for your lies

I can see why

The stars in the sky

Shine for your lies


Battling this empty space full of fire

Grabbed some sticks

To make your funeral pyre

Eyes so distant

With fake desire

Putting on quite a show

For those who keep you low

Raging storms are coming ahead

I tried to save you

But I chose me instead

Someday I know

I will hear you’re dead

What a sad way to go

With a bottle of lead

And I can see why

The stars in the sky

Shine for all your lies

I can see why

The stars in the sky

Shine for all your lies.

Mister Narcissist

Mister narcissist

Can’t get enough

Goes to the pharmacist

But can’t get enough

Starts a business

Still can’t resist

Leaving town

Spending money

Until he’s penniless

Asks his Daddy

For more benefits

Fakes he’s a perfectionist

Mister narcissist

Blames everyone he dismissed

Such a love bombing arsonist

To all the girls in town

Can’t understand why I resist

His fake antics

Knowing everything he said

To the plastic people he hangs with


And there will come a day

When you’ll fade away

Like a forgotten memory

As I sift through your decay


Mister narcissist

You have done this

To every woman you ever kissed

Mister narcissist

Can’t exist

Without being a succubus

Gaslighting your mind

So it looks like a contortionist

Says you should go to a psychiatrist

While he drinks his wine

Blames all of this

On women’s pettiness

So he can waste his own time

Being blind

Like a narcissist

Oh, like a narcissist.

Wheels and the Disablers Part Three

Today is a new day. Miss Wheels thought. And they haven’t broken me down yet. They won’t. I’m already full of messed up bones and screws. I’m one step away from robotic legs someday. Maybe they’ll have rocket blasters in them so I can buzz over my enemies houses and throw nerf balls all over their lawns. Haha.

Wheels had given up on focusing on karma. That’s the beauty of it: it delivers with no intervention.

She had been punishing herself though for so long for the misdeeds of other people. She had isolated herself from going places that she felt would trigger a painful event from the past. But the truth is, if the right people are around to protect you, you do not need to worry. So slowly, Wheels began coming out of her safe haven. She slowly began doing things with her family again, hoping to remember what it was like to be able to enjoy oneself. Especially without having to be around irresponsible people.

Can’t you just hold your pee longer? His voice still echoes in her head with that question. Wheels was in a wheelchair, ready to pee herself and a past lover asked that question. She felt like an inconvenient animal and that feeling still resonates to this day. Then he “mingled” into the crowd, leaving her with strangers for help.

Now everytime she goes to an event, she is afraid to ask for help. She has become programmed to think of her condition as an annoyance for others. But a little ray of hope shines through when strangers or those around her, remind her she is not a burden.

This is what it must feel like getting older. This is why so many vulnerable people become miserable. How can I help when I can someday and shine a little ray of hope to these hopeless people? I use to do it over the phone and I miss it so much. I really do. It kills me every day I cannot function because I just want to help people and have my purpose back. Wheels thinks as tears roll down her face.

I have to find my tribe. I have to find people who are like me so together we can be strong. Sometimes you cannot do things alone. Sometimes it takes a little help.

It was that night Wheels finally reached out to some long lost friends. It was that night she decided to be vulnerably transparent everywhere with her struggles. And the universe brought her, her tribe. All the broken, poor, used, bruised, lost souls of the universe for a reason: to be helped and help in return.

Crumbling into Empowerment

It won’t be funny

When I start to crumble

Like a sculpture that once had

Everyone in awe of its beauty

Being slowly eroded by a bay

Hands and feet first to go

Feeling like death

When the wind blows

Turns me to ashes

Ask God to take me, I know

I try to be grateful

But I need heaven

Too many foes

Are around this town

Trying to keep me down

Don’t want to see me smile

Only happy when I frown

All because the fake clowns

Think they’re justified

While acting like hounds

Really shackled by their own ways to bound

All of the silent pretty voices

Afraid to make a sound

Afraid to make a sound


And this was all meant to destroy me

But I’m still trying to stand

Please ignore me

I have the right to tell my story

And be in command

Inbetween this epitome

Of what you left of me

Broken feet and fallac memories

Oh, broken feet and fallac memories


It won’t be funny

When I start to cry

I’m fighting the pain

And don’t know why

Sometimes I look right up to the sky

Looking for Angels

Heaven knows I try

This situation is killing me inside

Insides feeling like they’re burning alive

Glad I found others who don’t want to hide

They keep me going in the darkest of times

So spread your light like a beacon of strength

Oh, don’t forget to dry your tears

They say are fake

No one can ignore us together

We’ll send a quake

Through this mad world

Disarm those who spread hate.

She Won’t Be Badly Enabled Anymore

“I don’t want someone else to enable you.” He said.

“What do you mean? Can you elaborate?” She asked.

“I mean in a good way.” He finally admitted.

She wanted to cry and smile at the same time. Finally, there were some words of truth. Finally, they spewed out in a childlike manner after he spent over a week taking away some of her gifts his parents bought her and punishing her for finally acting how he did for months. Even going so far as to accusing her of taking advantage when his parents helped because she was accepting of them; an accomplishment he could never obtain. Always squashing their beliefs as if they meant nothing in drunken rampages, feeling no emotion as his Mother cried on the phone. Lying to create narratives so he could obtain more money or the facade of always being the victim. Always biting the hand that enabled him, believing it would buy himself a kind of independence as well? No, little man boy. It never would. You had it all in your hand at the end of the road because in this world: money does equal power. Underneath it all, they did believe in your ability, invested in your future, and instead of believing in yourself: you chose to focus upon the past. You always have chosen to hold a grudge when there are others who receive no support, only demeaning comments and are forced to hold their heads up high while the world seemingly shouts it down. Congratulations on slamming down those who have had less opportunity than you as well.

It only punishes yourself in the end. Shackles your mind to losing the woman who actually cared and “secretly” seeking the promiscuous bar girl before true love even moved out. It only shackled your mind to enabling the people who loved you to fall with you. It only created a self-punishment through a kind of bottle and pill-induced amnesia so you could forget how you treat those who do love you. She doesn’t forget. It still hurts and haunts her dreams.

And she cannot take on the blame anymore. She cannot be your enabler in that manner if there is truly love there. She has to move on and stand her ground unlike your toxic friends and the women who actually will use you. She hopes you chose to save yourself in the end. She hopes you will end up creating boundaries, going on adventures instead of to bars, and accept the past cannot be changed. Then maybe, it could make you a more moral, upstanding, and beautiful person that exists buried beneath the misplaced rage. Chose life, not destruction. Take it from her: it will never be easy, but it’s better than living in the past.