Hide Away

Hide away with your gun in hand

While the world outside has no command

We all live in fear

Try to spawn courage from doubt

Never listen to what the other side is talking about

We’re the culture who can’t sit in silence

Where opinions cost lives

And most social media is a succubus

Where we all preach about free speech

But push it aside

Fueled by an echochamber of pride

Everyone is too tired to figure out the lies

But then it becomes a backhanded surprise

When the majority switches sides

With their head the skies

Rationale always denied

Never a leader without misplaced pride

Always pushing humbleness aside

Since our culture created a narrative, most can’t see

The big picture ahead of us isn’t based upon reality

And it will be as bleak as can be

If we don’t get our heads out of their manipulative mastery

Hearts sewn shut

Can’t see the pain in their hypocrisy

When will the centrists become the majority?

 

 

Miss Magic Part XIII

Jackie ended up falling asleep on Olivia’s couch. Sometimes Olivia didn’t want people around her in the morning, but today she was estatic about it. Jackie awoke to an unfamiliar smell of breakfast. She was the kind of girl who felt like she never needed it.

“Is that bacon?!” Jackie exclaimed.

Olivia jumped to the sound of her voice and laughed.

“Yes, indeed it is. Geez Jackie. When is the last time you had bacon?!” She asked like the girl must be starving.

“I don’t even remember. I try to sleep until noon.” Jackie explains.

“Well that’s a shame. Maybe if I could i would too though. Haha. Have to work or I’ll end up on the streets. No choice. ”

“Yeah. I realize we have different lives. But maybe that’s why we get along. You give me a different perspective Olivia. You’re half street smarts and half intellectual. I have no street smarts, am babied I admit, and still am afraid I’ll fail at college. I need a friend like you around. Your value is immeasurable. And all I have is money and loneliness still.” Jackie says as her eyes look downward.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself Jackie. You have it in you to do whatever makes you happy. Your parents are just trying to make it easier for you to do so. So just think hard about what you want and be grateful you can just go for it. Once you commit to something, you’ll gain street smarts. People will admire you. You’ll meet all kinds. That’s why I am the way I am. I have known all different people; rich and poor.”

“You always know the right thing to say. Thanks Olivia.”

“No prob Jackie. Anytime. What should we do to help Urma today though? We do have some money left to spare. Maybe we should just put it in her mailbox like we did for Stephen. We’ll let her decide what to do with it. Hopefully she prioritizes right. She seems off lately.”

“True. Sometimes all you can do is try to help and hope the person chooses to help themselves.” Jackie says.

“See Jackie. You are street smart. You just are too down on yourself. I’m going to start pointing things out to your blind eyes. Haha. Do the same for me, okay? I’m not as perfect as you perceive me to be. Sometimes I have blinders on it feels like.”

“I have your back. Haha.”

They drive to Urma’s home. It wasn’t the greatest house on the block. Clearly, she was struggling a bit more than the rest of the neighborhood. Faded paint, broken stairs, and a roof of moss stuck out like a sore thumb. Olivia wanted to pick up the abandoned looking lawn equipment and get to work.

“Gosh, this place looks awful. Is this what happens when your husband dies and you have no one left around you? So sad. I wish there was more help for people like this. It’s like I’m walking up to a blown up building with $20 to invest in fixing it. Wish I had more.”

“We’ll get more money Olivia. It’s not like your powers have disappeared. We can keep helping her. We just might have to become sneaky with how we get the money to her. If she’s home all day, she might be on the lookout to thank us. And we don’t want that attention. That’s for sure.” Jackie says in a firm tone.

“Definitely. Haha. Might be best to drop it off stealth like at night. Walk a block or two.”

“That’s what I was thinking. Well she’s not home this time. Driveway is empty. I’ll do it since she doesn’t know me. Could be nosy neighbors.”

Jackie casually walked up to the mailbox and put the envelope inside. There was a note saying: “I thought I could help you. I ran into some extra cash. Please take care of yourself and I hope this makes you burdens a little lighter. Best regards, a good Samaritan.”

“It feels nice making people’s days Olivia. Thanks to you I can be a part of it.”

“Thanks to you I can do this. I wouldn’t be able to without a friend like you either.” Olivia admits as she smiles, watching the sun try to peak through the trees.

“There’s so much darkness in the world. But if you can bring any light, it’ll illuminate the world.”

“That was deep, Olivia.”

 

You Ain’t No Friend to Me

You ain’t no friend to me

You’re sick, deranged, the epitome

Of everything I hate

You perpetuate,

Complicate

Have me feeling like nothing

When you should get hate

So annoyed with your destruction

You don’t know how to construct anything

Got my face blue,

Trying to not end up looking like the fool..

I’m not your mule

You can cattle

Go stand alone in your battles

I have no shield now to protect you

You broke it in two

 

Chick, you ain’t cool

The bs you started will leave you departed

On seas away from all the good-hearted

Quit saying you don’t start s***

set your own sails

I already parted

 

You ain’t no friend

You played pretend

You’re lucky I’m a pacifist

Cuz I’d pass a fist through your head

Know someone else will do it

Cuz your  mouth is full of lead

You’re so weird, you’d probably like it

So sick, head full of lead

Addicted to drama,

But invite it in instead

How many secrets have you told

Or manipulated in your head

Then smiled as you fell asleep in your bed

Don’t play me for a fool

I saw the foreshadowing, but in the end I still bled

 

Chick, you ain’t cool

The bs you started will leave you departed

On seas away from all the good-hearted

Quit saying you don’t start s***

set your own sails

I already parted

 

 

 

Advice for People after Abuse

1) Don’t expect anyone to understand what you’ve been through but support groups and those who have been through similar abuse. Don’t waste time explaining. Most will tell you to just instantly get over it which is impossible. They will just bring you down with their lack of empathy. They will also paint you as weak for self reflection.

2) Don’t assume because you are a victim, people close to you won’t be fooled by your ex abuser. Some closest to you will betray you and believe your psycho ex. Distance yourself and don’t take their crap.

3) Don’t expect your social skills to be not affected. Your fear of abusive people will make you a skeptic for awhile. That’s okay. Just make sure you don’t hurt other people’s feelings. Be assertive but kind with your boundaries.

4) Expect you will have issues in your new relationship. It’s been awhile since you were treated right and it feels too good to be true. Try to go with the flow and not let fear control you. If someone screws with you while you’re trying to get over this; they don’t care.

5) If your social media is overwhelming and full of people who were associated with your ex… delete some. In fact, delete anyone who makes you uncomfortable. This is about self preservation. You don’t owe strangers a peak into your life. Especially if they could be relaying information to people in your past.

6) Realize you probably have self esteem issues. This will attract people looking to use you as a booster. It also will attract people like you, who are open with their esteem issues. Either way, it’s draining for you. Stay away from these succubuses.

7) You might want to isolate after abuse. It’s normal to me. Someone took away your freedom. Now you’re trying to find yourself again. Anyone who doesn’t understand that isn’t positive.

8) Stay away from those who want to label you a certain way bc your behavior isn’t perfect after abuse. If someone thinks you’re controlling/untrusting bc of your own boundaries, screw them. You have a right to preserve yourself. And to avoid people who don’t make you feel good.

10) Try to trust but don’t do it blindly. Don’t confide in everyone. Like I said they don’t understand what you’ve been through and they could label you crazy which will further mess with your esteem.

11) Find one friend to trust. Someone who truly relates. Be grateful and loyal to them.

 

Your Game

Treated you the way you treated me

Now the game has begun

You have no idea what you shunned

It’ll be years before you contemplate what you won

the grass isn’t greener, you’ll step in crap when it’s done

Stay away from me, you say I’m the one

Behind your back, you hide a gun

How can I be fun, when you torture me

Now I’m shellshocked, stunned

 

Don’t talk to me if you want to fight

You have no empathy and it’s not alright

You should uplift me, let me take flight

If you want a cheerleader

If you want a cheerleader tonight

 

Let me in to take me out

That’s what you do to everyone

I know what I’m talking about

Stop giving me bs, giving me doubt

I already ran away from this route

So difficult for you to be emotionally available instead

Leave me with lead in my bed

If I don’t say anything,

I’m still cornered, unfed

Neglected by you

While they whisper in your head

She’s not good enough

Go ahead and believe them instead

Let all the wrong people in, listen to what they said

It’s very cowardly, you put all them ahead of me

When I gave you everything I could

And I’m done wasting my energy.

 

 

Why?

Why are they always hating on me

Can’t look me in the eyes, consciously

Ain’t no surprise you all disappoint me

Can’t see the sun rise without the epitome of scars you don’t see

I hate me

Try to love myself

But I want to stay humble unlike most in the sea

Grass isn’t greener on the other side of the country

Yo can’t escape what you fail at trying to be

Hold on, I have empathy

but every time I show it

there is no prize to me

You speak like I am some kind of blasphemy

Tell me it later, maybe I’ll be surprised

You all wear masks

Act intact

Don’t have no tact

I stay on track

While most stab me in the back…

 

So hold on

Stay strong

Those who fall around you

were never meant to be for long

Stay silent

They can’t react when you hide it

No fear in no fear

no doubt when you’re beside it

 

Why are you all trying to label me dumb

Spent my life as a nerd now I finally got some..

Confidence….

And you’re hounding it

Spent your lives on trying to blame those who don’ take your sh**

Can’t offer you a solution out of your equation

Spent most of my days in isolation

You say I’m crazy for speculation

I find it’s the best way to protect yourself from invasion,

Quit playing

Your fascination with a narcissistic proclamation

Sends you to your own damnation…

 

So hold on

Stay strong

Those who fall around you

were never meant to be for long

Stay silent

They can’t react when you hide it

No fear in no fear

no doubt when you’re beside it