You Only Dry the Tears in Your Eyes

I hope she’s worth all of my scars

But she’s just like you

So you’ll end up back at the bar

Collecting them all

Like they’re monopoly cards

Make sure to give her my pearls

Tell her she’s like the stars

Then shoot her down with your comet

Send her off to Mars

Won’t even admit

The spilt came from far

Before that night

When you drove my car

And it felt like I was with a ghost

While my own engine couldn’t start….

 

All I wanted was to hold you

Take away your pain

But I couldn’t hold onto you

And stay sane

So many people want to blame

When the cycle keeps going

They just chose to be the same

 

I hope it’s all worth hurting me

She’s just like you

So go ahead

And throw away years of our history

Could of had a fairytale everyone could see

But I still can’t believe the way you purposed to me?

Didn’t even bother to get on one knee

Told me to tell your friend

Make her angry with jealousy

I didn’t know whether to cry or feel happy

Felt like I was just a pawn in your game

Now I see

It was never going to become reality

So many wounds

But I’d rather be

Alone, than lay down with a lie

Who can never admit they hurt me?

And only dry the tears in their eyes.

Sad Man

Sad man

Sitting in his castle

Sad man

Causing everyone a hassle

He’s got his shiny car

His expensive taste

But his brain can’t stay in one place

And this sad man can’t handle rejection

Convinces himself he’s absolute perfection

Doesn’t care what he says comes with his own lesson

He has yet to learn

But now its your turn

To feel my pain

I have everything to gain

Without you

 

 

Not being around you

Is a dream come true

Have fun with your stuff

And all of your blues

Was just afraid of dying a dead fool

For ever falling for someone like you

 

 

Sad man

Driving down the street

Sad man

Looking for people to meet

He’s got his nice clothes

Delivers the love bombing greet

But when it wears off

He can’t keep the heat

So emotionally incomplete

Stomps out any love beneath his feet

Chooses power and money

Can’t see his own defeat

Can’t put his ego aside

For every woman he’s beat

 

 

So sad man

Take your life plans

Start burying your head in the sand

Because you are nothing without love

You are nothing without love.

Miss Green Eyes

Must be nice trying to bring me down

Must be nice trying to cause a frown

You serpent of a woman

Shedding your skin so you can win

But left the pieces you were hiding in

So green with envy

You blend with the grass

Biting my ankles

Trying to poison me last

But love gave me the antidote

So you can’t quote

My last words

As your own

 

 

Miss green eyes

It’s no surprise

You hide in disguise

With all your lies

Trying to devise

My so called demise

With all your misplaced pride

Oh, Miss Green eyes

You’ll just lose with time

 

 

Must be nice trying to play with my mind

Must be nice trying to upset me with your line

You dog of a woman

Barking so loud for his attention

While I sit in his house, without you mentioned

If he wanted you

You wouldn’t be a lesson

So green with envy

I could cut the tension

But go ahead keep barking up at my tree

I’ll just stare at down at you

From high in the branches, see?

 

 

Oh, Miss Green eyes

It’s no surprise

You hide in disguise

With all your lies

Trying to devise

My so called demise

With all your misplaced pride

Oh, Miss Green eyes

Women like you

Always lose with time.

Long Days

Long days

Nerve pain nights

It’s alright

I hold on tight

To my own hand

As I always have

Trying to command my destiny

With my feet buried in sand

And all these voices say

It’ll never be enough for some

Painfully, they’re right

That’s why the night

Slows down

That’s why the night always slows down

 

 

But I’m tired of the frowns

Tired of people trying to put me down

I’m already crawling on the ground

But safe and sound

Inside my own mind

I promise

In time

I will leave it all behind

 

Long days

But it’s alright

I hold on tight

To what I have left

An ounce of confidence

And a bunch of time

To make mine

It’s true

Some stay blind in madness

Some create substance

While others look on

Fearful of their resilience

From now on

I’m not giving you the power

For more than an hour of my day

More than an hour of my day.

Surgery-Related Thoughts…

They think they know her; all that she’s been through. They see a pretty face and assume it brought her everything in life. As if she was born into an easy existence. But no, she was a nerd. Horribly picked on, humiliated, and alone most of her life. Thrown into lockers, marching in band, and reading to the other students.

But now some want to deny her pain. Judge based upon the last couple years of her life without listening to the whole story. So silly are they to think she lived a life of poshness? Furthest from the reality. Living on ramen, trying to get through college on her own dime was the real struggle. It felt good. I was once standing on two feet, until they literally gave out.

So it’s funny when people fill in the blanks of my life. A life where everyone has always taken care of me, you say? That would be nice. One where I just dove into endless hobbies everyday without any responsibilities? That’s nice, but realistically most Americans can’t afford such a thing. Most end up filing bankruptcy after job loss, medical bills, and unexpected circumstances.

So why were so many envious and judgmental when I got sick? When my legs decided they couldn’t move anymore? It wasn’t a vacation, with a margarita, and a unicorn floatie. It wasn’t a four star resort being in pain all hours of the day.

“Must be nice to take time off for surgery.” Must be nice to be able to work and not have your life interrupted by immense amounts of pain. That’s sarcasm seeping from my pores. Instead of being happy for me finally facing an inevitable surgery; some were judgmental or envious.

It showed me what some people really thought of me. It also made me realize how financially stressed people are, and how well they are at hiding it. I wish you all suffering, peace and understanding. Someday, someone will hopefully give you a perspective that causes you to be more compassionate.

One thing for sure, the perspective this surgery has given me on how important it is to not judge has been momumental. Those who stuck by me, cared for me, and empathsized: outvoiced all the negativity. They pushed me to keep going through the physical and mental pain. They watched me cry, laugh, and walk again. They showed me who I want to be again when I have two feet to stand upon, literally. And for that, I thank you.

My Way

I don’t really care what you say

I’m going to make it anyway

With or without you, mmkay?

I’m going to do this my way

I sat there with lonely nights

Waiting for you to wake up inside

I pushed myself to have no pride

But now I see the beauty in trying to hide

Away from the lies

And its no suprise

I created my own universe through a demise

To get through all this…

All thisinside

Because it’s all in my head

Woah

All in my head

My thoughts create reality

If I just get out of bed

And I keep trying to wake up the others

Sleeping in a fantasy

Because they deserve to know

What lies behind facing reality

I don’t understand what you say

I’m going to keep doing me each day

With or without you, mmkay?

I’m going to do this my way

I cried there with lonely days

Trying to figure out the maze

That was all inside

of you

Until I blew

my own mind in two

You started to be cruel

And still, you can’t see what is ahead of you

Is a tragic fate

Always chasing the superficial

Repeating mistakes

While calling me a fake

Hold on, let me grab the issues

Because I have to congratulate

You

For turning every issue you had

Into being about me too

When really there are just tools

All around you

All around you

So go call a few

Tell them you’re ready to be a fool

You fall for the ones who aren’t true

But sadly, they’re a reflection of who

You pretend to be.

Won’t See You

I won’t see you

I walk a straight line

You walk in circles

Never afraid of time

I’m afraid of my own shadow

While you run blind

left me in shadows

Fighting all the truth I’d find

And I thought I had a hand to hold until the end

Didn’t realize it was play and pretend

Didn’t realize I was your doll

In a home I could never mend

Watched you breathe that way at night

Watched you destroy yourself

Telling me it’s alright

Fell into the hole myself

Got out alright

But I had to take the flight…

Back to the only home

I had ever known

I won’t see you

I live in reality

You avoid it

Living a childlike fantasy

I’m afraid to have any self esteem

While you think you’re the best fish in the sea

Left me driven to insanity

Fighting all the walls you put up around me

And I thought I had someone to love

Didn’t realize I’d never be strong enough

Didn’t realize I had to call your bluff

End up leaving

Forcing you finally face: that I had enough.