Towers Comin’ In

Going around the same ol’ track, I know

Walking on the same ol’ beaten path, I know

My eyes see everything

You’ve never told

Not going to fit inside your mold (you know)

Not going to ignore which way you try to make this go (you know)

—–

The towers coming in

Towers coming in

You will never win

Spiteful tongues of sin

Drowned your voice within

And buried your heart

With a fictional grin

——-

Going around the same ol’ rotten group, I know

Singin’ the songs I played while on mute, I know

My soul knows everything

Where you’ve been

And what direction you’re headed in (you know)

But you’ll never find cupid’s arrow (you know)

It’s in the back of everyone you know

In the back of every love you know.

Sewn Shut

My mouth is sewn shut

My mouth is sewn shut

All the world roams mindlessly about

Doesn’t know what’s happening

When I stop and count

All the knives in my back

Crawling on this route

—–

Can’t feel my face

Can’t feel my heart

Can’t feel anything anymore

Enough to pout

Gotta get out of this mess

They try to destroy my happiness

Back me into a corner

While acting like I’m blessed

——-

My mind is blocked off

My mind is blocked off

Have to survive

Put the cruelty aside

Know they put me down

Because of misplaced pride

Know I have to escape

This broken down ride

No one sees from the outside.

Miss Redemption

It really felt like he was there. His disgusting, alcohol-filled breath, mixed with an inability to give any compassion cocktail. Thank goodness it was just a nightmare so she could awaken to what felt like a dream. But of course, he just couldn’t let her be in her four walls of decay. Couldn’t let her blindly seek to crawl her way out of the false reality he forged with tactical gaslighting. Sleep deprivation, degradation, over-sexualization, with the occasional admiration; just to mess with her head.

His voice echoed: You’re crazy.

Hers screamed: It’s crazy to chose to torture someone you love.

At one point in time, those closest to her couldn’t fathom such tactics would be used in this world. It was an invisible war, constructed to cause her instability, rage, sadness, and an overall breakdown.

I’m done. I’m so done with being a toy on the ground for the vilest people in the world try to play with. When is someone actually going to give a crap about how their actions hurt other people? Is it that difficult for some people?! She thinks.

Everything has become so clear to her now. The rose-colored glasses are now smashed to the ground. Nothing real ever existed there. And if it did, it could never be enjoyed. Endless competition, proving her worth, and a battlefield where in the end she was left in the center with no one shielding her. A bunch of cowards operating in a pack, going after what they perceived was the weakest person, but in fact was the strongest. And in that moment, she rose, took off the armor, threw her sword and left the fight. For sometimes it’s better not to turn into what you despise.

It’s Okay

Tried to shut me up

But I grew louder instead

All those bullets built up

Turned me to lead

Lucky I didn’t burn the bed

Where your heart rests while it’s dead

But I’m still standing in this cool, dark place

I’ve gotten used to it

My friends say it’s a waste

But oh I see so clearly

All the people who have their back to me

And it’s okay

Yeah, it’s okay

—-

Go ahead and turn back around

Avoid eye contact

Try to make me frown

None of these people are going to get me down

I just spin my chair up until it’s doesn’t come down

—-

Tried to crack me open

But I didn’t make a sound

All those knives in my back

Turned right around

Could have played nice

But you chose the ground

Now eat the dirt

You thought was the miracle you found

I’m no longer bound

And that’s okay

Oh, it’s okay.

Puppets & Puppetmaster’s of Social Media

In the day and age where social media has become ingrained into our daily lives, I have to ask the question: is this healthy? The answer is both yes and no. It ultimately depends on the person behind the keyboard.

Imagine you are a puppet master and all your friends or followers are attached to your online version of self with strings. These strings can either control them or they can control their own reaction based upon the authenticity of your online persona. Too many people are creating a version of themselves online that is extreme, brash, egotistical, shallow, materialistic, and/or pretentious. And I hate to say it, but it is always creating a mirroring of these qualities based upon the initial influencers influence they have upon others. This is problematic because the more people give into this false sense of self, the more they succumb to attracting other false personas into their real life or perspectives. So before you go out on the social media turf, think about what you want to attract and why. Think about who you are potentially pushing away as well by posting this hard-shelled version of yourself.

And boy, is this kind of antic rewarded heavily with likes, comments, and follows. The rush of dopamine invades the psyche like the nicotine rush of a cigarette. But is it rewarding long term? Does it actually feel fulfilling at the end of the night? Many won’t admit this, but it doesn’t. If anything it hinders the ability to connect with others based upon vulnerabilities, reality, and an honest exchange of perceptions of life. It cuts like a knife through all those who are intelligent enough to see through your facade. And then you look around you, realize you’re surrounded by a bunch of people who are actually afraid to speak their truth, lack healthy self confidence, and haven’t developed the ability to get validation through themselves. When you think about it, most of these traits come from a sort of narcissism. This narcissism is not going to be appealing to those who are authentically being themselves, introspecting, and have healthy self-esteem. Eventually, they will find more appealing influences to admire. So to those who say social media isn’t real life, I beg to differ. If it didn’t have an effect on real life, then people wouldn’t be so invested in it, we wouldn’t see a lot of people on their phones. It is ultimately up to you to create a healthy and authentic version of yourself online so choose wisely.

Lifeless Ghouls

Think you’re getting the last laugh

When as long as you hate me

The jokes on you

Came around again to see if I’m a fool

I stared straight ahead

Playing it cool

Nothing to say to you

Go take your lack of change

Clean your suit

Save yourself

Or the universe will give you the boot?

Like you did to me, fool

Imagine being thrown out

Not knowing what to do

In such a state of shock

You didn’t know your own bone was broken in two

With your skin turning blue

So much unnecessary suffering

You know it’s true

——

It will find you in your dreams

Cracked your ego with your own tool

Just a sad soul

Living in a fantasy version of reality

Trying to run away from all the fallacies

At a low vibrational high school community monstrosity

Staggering around like lifeless ghouls

———

Think you’re winning some competition

When as long as your competing with everyone else

The trophies not for you

Came around again to see if I’m still on the pavement

But I’m staring at the cracks in the cement

Finding the flower growing amidst

The chaos that ensued

So go take your already wilting bouquet

Endless mind games with wordplay

I’m down here finding the people

Who want to stay away

From the people who enslave their next day.

Peace

      She had a heart of gold but you all painted her as the monster to avoid the truth, painful reality, accountability, and necessary introspection. She’s been dragging a black bag full of your insults, distorted realities, and diluted introspections around for years. Beating herself up inside until it all became clear.

Cripple. No one will ever want you. I just want you to have my children.
You’re stupid. You’re crazy. You’re entitled. You’re cumbersome. Gold digger. Lazy. You’re nothing without me. You don’t appreciate anything.

      It played inside her mind over and over again until she decided no, I am not any of these things. None of these people actually cared enough to know me, love me, or accept me. They were essentially throwing insults at a stranger. Throwing rocks from a glass house that was breaking beneath their feet. She was the target, running back and forth, trying to avoid the shattered glass while repairing the windows.
     But you know what? At least she was able to introspect, see what she needed to change in herself. No healthy boundaries, low self-esteem, no self-worth,  bad coping habits, and an inability to stand up for herself. This cocktail was the perfect concoction to attract the broken people in this world.
     So you were all right in a way, I needed to change some things about myself, but a lot of this was a reaction to toxicity around me. No one deserves to be used, belittled, kicked when they’re down. No one. No one deserves to be a stranger in their relationship, used like a piece of flesh then tossed away afterwards. No one deserves to be abandoned at a time of need, and left out in the cold. No one deserves to feel like nothing because they are struggling with health issues. No one deserves to be treated like creature rather than human. So I ask these people or those doing this to others, to please have the courage to face your own demons. No one has to suffer, including yourself. Please choose the light, happiness, love, and compassionate side in this world. Even after everything that has been done to me, I just want peace. Thank you.