Reactions to Events, People, Life and Death

The Pilot With a Mental Illness

Did you hear about the pilot who drove the plane right into the mountains? Well, if you haven’t I don’t know where you have been. The minute I heard of this event I immediately felt something was terribly wrong mentally with this man. It makes no sense a plane is above 30,000 feet then falls dramatically to 100ft before hitting a wing and colliding into the terrain.  It had to be the pilot or a serious issue with the plane.

The black box and a passenger recording has exposed the truth. The man locked himself inside and immediately set the plane into a rapid decent. It must have been insane. The other pilot was trying to break down the door with no luck, pleading with the man to stop, but later on growing angry.

How did it get to this point though? How did a man become so sad he felt like the only way to end his life was to take a plane down? Why did he feel it necessary to bring down 150 people with him he didn’t even know instead of just simply hanging himself? Was he full of hate? Or did he feel so alone he felt like the only way out was to die with a bunch of people? Did he feel he had no purpose so he had to make his mark in history with a tragedy rather than an accomplishment? Did he stop his medications? Did his wife ask for a divorce? What happened to bring this man’s mind to this state?

All of these questions are important. Not because they are related to a tragedy but because they address a broader issue going on with people: mental illness. I am not excusing this man from what he has done, it is horrific, but in order to help prevent this from reoccurring we must understand it. We must ask uncomfortable questions and try to get inside how a person like this thinks so we can help. To ignore them is to turn a eye to a person being mugged. Their illness is REAL. It can start off small then lock onto the core of society until eventually we have an epidemic that could have been avoided.

It amazes me this man went to a doctor it seems, was diagnosed with something, but continued to work. How was he allowed to work? Did he hide his condition for years on end? Or did he not hide it and when he told someone they reacted with a typical “everyone feels sad sometimes” response?

Depression isn’t sadness. It is more than that. It takes out your soul and smashes it unto the ground until you lie there motionless, wishing you had a purpose.  There are no words really to describe it, only emotions sometimes. A person at times knows how silly they are for feeling that way, yet cannot shake it. There is something preventing it from being broken. The cycle continues until the person survives or does not. And survival could mean, never being the person you once was and accepting that. But it takes a lot of strength to get through it. It sometimes takes support from others. Perhaps, the pilot brushed his teeth, ran through the park, went to work, and at times still cried. And after years of hiding the tears, he snapped. Were there no signs? Was he that good at hiding it? I think it was a combination of people in general not understanding mental illness and also people feeling ashamed to admit their condition. Mental evaluations for high stress jobs should be mandatory though an there needs to be more social workers utilized. We cannot live in a social media based society without addressing the issues we create when we put unrealistic expectations on human beings. There are not enough centers for those who are mentally ill, not enough funding, psychologists, social workers, etc…Sometimes the mentally ill are left homeless or incarcerated or they end up flying a plane into a mountain. Whatever it is, it isn’t okay.

If medications help some people, then more research needs to be done on specific elements in combination to certain conditions. Right now it is too broad. You have bipolar patients on the same medication as depressed and/or anxiety patients. C’mon. And if meds do not help some people, more funding to alternate therapies as well. Either way, we must try to prevent innocent people from being hurt by those who were hurting but did not tell anyone. We must lift the stigma off the mentally ill and admit sometimes it isn’t their fault. As a society we cannot let it be suppressed because it only leads to tragedy. Let’s not blame anyone or anything specific but rather fix the problems at hand. My heart goes out to all those who perished.

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Rambles On Humanity

I feel like something is missing in the lives of my generation and those after me. Perhaps, it is naive to say that since humanity has been colonizing all over this planet probably since they first existed. But who am i to know the exact history at a moment when i didn’t even exist? Maybe there was a group of people who did not need to write and had seen no point in making their existence known to all mankind in the future. Perhaps, there was a time when humans lived harmoniously together because they used what the earth had to offer and did not alter natural surroundings. They did not alter rivers; they lived instead by waters which already existed before them. They did not build tunnels through mountains; they climbed the mountain or redirected their path. They did not use GPS; they used the stars. They did not create transportation depending upon fossil fuels; they used animals or their own feet to travel. They did not see the point in owning all the land they could have; they respected and shared the land, living as nomads and enjoying the changing scenery. Enjoying life, never staying in one place for a long time but at the same time feeling safe enough to wander. What if we strip down all the buildings? What if we decided to close down highways? What if there was nothing but water, trees, deserts, land? What if we really had nothing to depend on but the earth? Humanity needs to realize the consequences we are dodging when we create the unnatural from the natural. The way surroundings help create perceptions on life. If one sees a skyscraper they admire the object as one created by man not the earth. We have become self absorbed people clinging onto a downward spiral we created and avoiding consequence. I admit it is difficult to accept your actions could effect the next generation or more importantly the earth. We are naturally inclined towards denying the conscious mind in a conscious moment. We want to think our actions are ours and have no effects but what we want is not what we created. “Man will be what he planned to be. Not what he will want to be.”-Jean-Paul Sartre

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Allergic to She;;fish on Christmas

Kinda funny. I was eating pasta last night as the family gathered. After a few minutes I realize the calamari is in the sauce. Big problem. I start getting crampy, thinking maybe I just need to poop. Nope, it isn’t even digesting right so i am way far ahead of the process haha. First comes the headache, then the feeling of a lump of coal in my tummy, and then the hot and cold issues start. Finally my gut lets it all out and it looks almost like I vomited a bunch of Christmas decorations. I start laughing like a crazy person because who would have thought this would happen on Christmas Eve. I managed to stay away from foods like this the entire year but yeah haha encountered it on the Holiday. Finally trying to fall asleep at 3 am, shaking like a baby in the fetal position because I am cold. Then it happens. My cats one by one circle around me as if instinctively trying to keep me warm. I am kinda whimpering like a baby and Juan the cat no joke puts her paw over my mouth. I don’t know whether she was trying to shut me up or maybe she was trying to calm me down. Either way it was quite amusing.  I think it is beautiful really though how animals can adapt so well to one person it almost is as if words become nothing. They look at you, you look at them, you know when its play time or when it is time to cuddle up and nap. Their eyes speak volumes and remind me love can exist without words.

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Why Do People Try So Hard?

I think it is sad most people go through life experiencing a lot but a little at the same time. They think the quantity of experience is more relevant than the caliber.  I have learned hanging around the same people becomes kind of redundant unless you have an unusual connection. To hang out just to hang out is like going to the mall just to walk around. You don’t get the whole experience of life if you spend it with people who create cycles rather than doors.  Ultimately you end up closing doors on people who actually could matter because you spend free time on maintaining the same routine. Break it and buy that new routine people. If you aren’t happy, change something, anything. Find someone new to hang around, at least you tried something different. 

And when I say to people you need to meet new people they assume “going out” will do this. This is the lamest idea in society. A socially accepted way of meeting but completely unrealistic of having anything pure and real crafted out of an environment with music blasting, beer, and lack of conversation. Have you ever sat alone at a bar on purpose? I have. I sat there for a long time like an old person looking for any signs of life around me and boy did it get boring after a while. And quite depressing. You observe everything since you are not part of it. You become a reader rather than an actor. To see through people is to see truth everywhere you go. When you experience so much socially to the point where people cannot confuse or pull a fast one on you, you see common behaviors in people. They become characters in the fake story they tell you. Their eyes become like daggers and you just want the down to earth person to walk in who has the real story. A person who could talk all night because they have so much to say. Who wants the person who can do one liners and thinks of silence as humble but really it is just stupidity? Why do people feel the need to fit into social norms? Notice how people who go out all the time go out all the time in search of something. Do they really get what they want at the end of the night? Or is the next thought process what are we doing tomorrow night? Usually the second one. And in rare instances I am wrong…I have been proven wrong but if I took the ratio down you can guess what it would prove. Humans are naturally drawn into drama. It is far more difficult to avoid drama. So we must embrace it even if it sucks and learn some things can be made worse. It is up to us to make it better and not to avoid it. So next time you find yourself in a Deja Vu situation laugh at it and get your popcorn cause you know how it will end.

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What Happened to a Real Doctor?

So what happens when you can’t see a doctor just because you cannot reach a person on the phone?  Is there some kind of waiver you can get until you get a real person on the phone? Or should you just expect nothing? So far I have tried countless times and been on hold for hours of my life already. If I try to call a local agency I am told to call the healthcare.gov phone number off the site. It feels like being trapped in one of those rodent mazes while all these higher up beings stand outside watching your confusion with the biggest grin on their faces. I just want to find a loophole to escape and I know one exists since quite frankly everything is a mess right now for certain people. Most will not complain who have had a good experience thus far simply because they are not part of the 18 million who will soon be told “well we can’t help you because you are above poverty but below the income needed for good insurance.” Check out this link.

http://www.houstonchronicle.com/news/houston-texas/texas/article/Report-Medicaid-decision-leaves-1-million-Texans-4905301.php

Anyways, medicaid cutoff is $806 in NYS in one month. If you make 900 I hope you aren’t going to pay much more than someone just because of 90 dollars. It is almost as if someone is better off cutting hours at a job just to reapply for medicaid. Which people I am sure do but what needs to be addressed is guidelines are unfair. Who can live on $806.00 a month? Who created the cutoff? Why is there such a distinction between poor and rich? Why can’t there be levels of paying? if you make between 600-800 you pay X amount. If you make 800-1000 you pay X amount. No one should get completely free care just because they make $90 less than someone else. And the other person making more shouldn’t have to spend half their income on benefits to make up for the large amount of people on medicaid.

Or maybe people really do make less than $806 a month now? I am sure more do considering employers last year and still this year keeping over hiring to create only part time work. There is no incentive for a big business to create full time work right now when they must pay for insurance for every person over 31 hours. It’s like telling someone they will get penalized for a full time employee then expecting them to have the employees back? No. There are no unions anymore. If people rally together they are pushed right back.

Watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9r7KvJRp1A

We all know what is happening. This is creating a huge pool of people between poverty and sustainability. I bet most people who lie in the I have to pay for insurance but barely can afford it gap are hardworking and are looking to better their careers. Hindering the youth creates a downward spiral for everyone. Placing too much pressure on a certain group of people to buy in to healthcare isn’t the answer. The answer is finding a way to be fair to everyone and having everyone contribute to the future of this country. Healthcare should be a right and if it has to be paid for it should be a right to have it at a cost which does not make you have to eat Ramen noodles all day. Nothing is for free but nothing should be a cost to human mental and physical health. Thank you.

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Everyday

Everyday I see people lose something in technology. The human like qualities have gone out the window and that does not make me old school but rather in touch with the past and the future as well. Things have become who we are rather than what we have. Things mean nothing though when someone loses them self in the process of trying to gain. No one can truly achieve everything they desire in one life. To do so your quality of life would diminish and the goal would become counterproductive. The ideal state would be to set one goal and more onto the next without interference from the changing world full of technology. I think there is something honorable in letting go of what is unnecessary.  It is in essence freeing yourself from the binds of what most perceive as evolution but what  I see as devaluing. Soon there will be no need for humans since robots can do better calibrations with minimal errors. Walmart won’t need cashiers. Starbucks won’t need someone to hold the cup for foam on a latte. I guess I think people are too involved with technology in a wrong way. To create a widening gap between the rich and poor with technology is not ok. To create a windmill to supply a town with power is. It is all up to those in power to decide how to apply technology to society but it is also up to us to not give in and buy things which do not support humanity as a whole. If something creates a negative impact it should not be supported. Our children are becoming less intelligent with convenience. They don’t know how to write cursive, complete sentences, and poetry. However, they can tell you how to change your facebook picture by the age of ten. Who cares? What is important is arming our nation not with guns but with beautiful minds. Minds that use their greatest talents to their advantage. Minds that are not told to go to college, follow the typical path, and get a job but rather minds that need no college and are created out of a self-image no one can shatter. An image so well drawn in the mind it does not need reassurance from another, it just needs itself.  Support your children but never lead them to the water. Let them find the lake themselves. Let them wander, feel lost, then redeem themselves. The happiest people are forged from the worst sometimes. The unhappy people are mostly faking their happiness. Be true to your children, your family, your friends, and most importantly yourself. There is no construct but what walls are created in the mind. Social norms can try but cannot succeed in defining someone who does not want to be defined. And some of the most influential people have freed themselves from judgments and past mistakes. They do not live in the past but rather lay the past in the back of their minds to avoid repetition. Our children, our students, our people are becoming repetitive. If everyone has the same degree, then everyone is without a job and it means nothing. It is not your paper but your mind that sets you apart. Think of what makes you happy, and share it with others.

Step outside America, breath the air, put down the Ipad and realize everything was here we needed from the beginning. Our desires can be shackles to ourselves and other people. Too much is simply too much and gives another person not enough. And unlike a lot of people I would like to sleep at night knowing I am not at fault for the widening gap between the rich and poor. And for those who are I hope someday you realize and give back to the community not because of guilt but because you wanted to. It is time to reinvent America as not the land of the free, but rather the land of the trying to be free. We must face the issues we have created for generations to come, derived from an unhealthy system which rewards the heartless and condemns the strong. We can no longer deny our nikes are no longer white but black with how much treading the majority in this country has done to succeed. We all have a bad story but together we can make the future promising. Thank you for my readers.

Laura Elisa

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America Or Should I Say Merica?

This is from urban dictionary of course and I would like to shake the hand of whomever wrote this definition of merica.

“A whole new way of saying America. As America falls into the category of a nation, Merica is the whole experience of America summed up in a stereotypical way. Eating anything deep-fried, shooting shotguns, getting so fat you attempt to use the force to levitate it off the coffee table, all compressed into one word. People often say it when they see Americans doing things only Americans can do, such as: trimming a hedge with a chainsaw, eating quadruple burgers with extra lard, and driving tractors in the middle of a freeway. It is often expressed in a proud and commonly exaggerated manor. This phrase is one to be only used when the time comes to say it, like at a eating contest or at a mud pit wrestling match. As there are so many people in America that truly express what the word is all about, there is one family that pushes it over the limit. They are commonly called the “Honey Boo Boo Family”-Unknown

Let me just say I have no idea why other countries even want to adopt our “culture.” What culture? We have a show called Honey Boo boo for sake!! We have become a uncultured, uneducated, and a laughing stock to other countries which see us for what our country lacks or is held down by; the stereotypical merica. And by merica I mean not America but the part of the country like the part of the word which eats heavily, does obnoxious behavior, goes to college for financial aid, and adopts whatever “values” television programs and movies would like them to. I am not meaning to insult those who actually represent the values which use to uphold this country. Rather, this is addressed to the frustrated American who is tired of reading illiterate lols, omgs, and the latest drama on lame facebook. I am standing up for you, the person who deserves that promotion, deserves the financial aid and doesn’t get it. The person who works their butt off just to get by. And also the American who is afraid to take a handout, or feels a sense of guilt about it. Don’t feel guilty the system was suppose to be intended for people who work, end up having a hardship, and need assistance to spring back up upon their feet. It was not created to sit on by lazy people who make excuses and rarely contribute to society as a whole but to themselves and their own desires. You know who you are and you should feel guilty for every American you screw over that cannot get assistance they actually need while you do not need it. You just don’t want to admit to it. I don’t blame you. Self-reflection is difficult but it must happen. People have to understand in order to preserve this country we must work together not against each other. So if you ever get a chance to stand up for a coworker, stand up to an ignorant merican, and stand down to getting a free ride you don’t need then do it. It is right for yourself and your country. We must uphold values not lose them. If everyone conforms to this uncultured Merica then what do we have left? A laughing stock for the rest of the world.

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Kiss My Fangs Today

I feel like a child lost in the world with a ton of beasts, fangs ready to suck the imagination out of me. So much money, time, patience wasted upon the wrong people. There are no boundaries for them. They will say and do whatever you please but when you think about it the motive is unclear? Such a world of leeches. They take a beautiful lake and turn it into a swamp. It must be sad in theirs minds. I must admit I love little and hate more. But is that normal in American society? I feel a decline has began on a personal level as well as political level. People will now lie, cheat, and steal in order to achieve the american dream.. I lie awake at night with thoughts of a world in chaos. All around me is fire, my precious land I worked so hard to sustain now cinders beneath me. Do you see it coming? A change needs to be made. A rise of those tired working hands and praise for those who give their lives to this country; the working class. No praise for those gluttonous creatures who prey upon inequality as a means of financial gain. Thank you.

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Beliefs

He comes in dreams. I think he is an entity of some sort. He holds my head up when I wake up. He kneels beside me as if I am a child and places my arms across each other and upon my shoulders. He tells me hold onto myself tightly and he will in return watch over me. He could be pure evil or pure good for all i know. I trusted him with my life for some time and hope for his own sake when he passes into the afterlife he meant all good deeds towards me. I believe in my mind whether it is true for belief is more powerful than disbelief. Although, disbelief can lead to new understandings depending on circumstances. I believe it is ultimately one’s goal to make a system on beliefs in their own mind to perhaps make sense out of life and death. We all have unusual situations that infiltrate our minds with memories we cannot comprehend in the moment.Their significance is perhaps not understood under later parts in life when forces align to create a sort of epiphany. I believe the person has a spirit like the Egpytians…but it has many parts. One is born with a sort of identity based upon physical and mental elements no person is one of the same. It is unique with boundaries and capabilities of its own it has to embrace in order to achieve a sort of enlightening. My spirit has come to terms with its born spirit enough to realize one depends upon the other. The Ba in Egyptian culture represents the spirit in the afterlife which must return to the Ka in order to sustain immortality. I believe this is symbolic. It is almost as if life is about reconciling with the inner childlike spirit we all possess and realizing the two are important in all aspects of life. They are the path to true righteousness, bravery, respect, admiration, truth, and immortality. Realizing one must maintain a balance between the two and fight against wrongdoing is a huge step in accepting death as part of life. It is easier to accept death if a person understands the many elements which make up their physical and mental state. No person has one identity. No person can be defined by a single word. The spirit is like a rainbow and a person’s duty is to be the brightest colors when the end approaches. Accept good and bad but remain in touch with all the layers of their spirit. And if it takes a belief which cannot be proven with science then so be it…it can be proven with culture.Thank you.

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Eye For an Eye Mentality

I am not going to sit here and be gender biased and say a man should never hurt a woman because women as well hurt men. Rather, I will say people shouldn’t hurt people. It is disgusting to me we live in a society with the eye for an eye mentality. “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”-Ghandi So little words that carry on nobleness which I have yet to see from many people. Once a bad event happens, a curtain opens and few are able to introspect and see perhaps how they engaged a situation. I am no saint but my god has my pain exceeded the level of consequence I should endure, in fact anyone should endure. I am over a cycle in my life of helping those who cannot help themselves. Too many people I have met, who seem to be normal then I discover they have a major crutch. Most cases it is medication. Yes, some people have imbalances which need correction but the human mind is capable of enduring the worst so why can’t it endure the positive? What makes people desire pitfalls rather than climbing mountains? Face fears, endure pain, and at the end of the day smile because whatever imbalance you have could be temporary anyway. And if you recognize its existence positive thinking can go a long way. I have faith in people still, and no one can take that away. But for now, I do me.

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A Conversation Within Myself

Let’s just say if I were to name each parts of my mind which give me problems with different identities and looked upon each one for what it is in a sort of cynical yet comical manner this is the result. I believe every person has a dominant part of their personality which can complicate and simplify life. They also can create quite the thought processes. I don’t really think I am crazy rather perhaps always thinking, observing, reacting. Since I am anxious a lot it creates quite terrific stories in my head which I can admit are quite imaginary but I must keep reality in check. Writing helps me do so. And of course knowing I have an audience.

Anxious Allison: Oh I am so mad that wiper blade ripped off and by some fluke cracked the windshield and what if it isn’t covered and the insurance company just lied!? I mean could they? I am not recording the conversation they are so who in the right mind would say hold on while I fetch that recording for you so you can prove us wrong on our own evidence?

Rational Rachel: Omg shut the F*ck up! You called already and now you are just choosing to obsess about it for no reason because Anxious Allison always finds something small and blows it up like a bunch of fireworks on forth of July. Just grab some food if you feel stressed you need to gain weight.

Sympathetic Sally: Oh shut being so rough on Anxious Allison it isn’t her felt she has suffered so much trauma in life she must create it in order to feel alive. She doesn’t realize at times her behavior has been learned. Maybe you should try a less abusive approach and give a hug instead.

Rational Rachel: Yup baby that side and see how it helps. It doesn’t it just makes her think it is ok to let her mind wander in pure anxiety until there is nothing left but anxiety and no love or bliss or anything else. Wake up Sally not all things need soft love at times they need hard love too. haha. That sounded bad. I can be too animal like at times. My bad.

Sympathetic Sally: Alright. I see your point. Well maybe together we can counteract Anxious Allison together.

Rational Rachel: Heard and applied.

Anxious Allison: Ok. I am good now. Panic attack over. Just called the insurance company again and had them send an audio file to my email of the conversation. Crazy huh?

Sympathetic Sally: We have a a lot of therapy to do.

Rational Rachel: Indeed.

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Relationship Rant

Relationships are a five way street. They don’t end up where they started. You cannot use a GPS to make decisions in them. There is no way to predict how one person will change or how another will stay the same. It is like playing a game of chess at first trying to guess the person’s next move, exciting and anxiety ridden. The defeat or triumph determines dynamic. A sort of power struggle goes on back and forth until it is finally realized it is time to walk from the board or continue to play. Nothing is ever certain how one way would have panned out over the other. But I guess I didn’t walk very much from the table. I guess I liked challenges persay at some point in life. Always having to prove something to someone was normal for me but really it isn’t right. Attempting to prove your worth to someone is always a losing battle.The fact you feel that way is a pure indication of you feeling not worthy yourself.There is no overnight fix, a medication which can deter this thought process, a person who can help. Really there is no one but your own mind. There is no such thing as soulmates. No soul is alike, no brain can read another’s, no human can truly connect with another human on a level which is inferior to the connections between people who do not even know each other. There is no point in carrying childish misconceptions of love. There are only feelings not ideas of love.

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Well I amTired of Being Poor and so Are A lot of People

Well I don’t know about anyone else in this country but I am tired of struggling.I have worked since I was 15 yrs old in physically tough fields of work, rockin’ my 88 lb body until I feel it is 65 yrs old. My feet crack, my hand is swollen, and every day I live with mental and physical pain. And what do I have to show?I have no idea. Yes,I have a roof over my head but it costs me so much to have i cannot even breathe. I went to college, did what my family wanted to do and graduated applying to jobs, competing with hundreds of other applicants. It isn’t right. Yes,I have learned a lot personally but at the same time I cannot apply what I have learned to the real world. There was no hands on training for me, instead, a lack of advisement and a collection of my tuition money. Campuses are overloaded with students hoping of the same promising future but it is like putting people in a cage and letting maybe one out at a time. The other watch the success of people they know are intellectually at their level as well, and ponder what makes them any different in order to be successful. People who see a lucky break in life, buy cars, shoes, clothes, homes, and bury themselves in debt really.Then they post it to FB. “Hey check out my new ride.”  Yeah really? How many years are you paying on it? Is it yours because you borrowed the money? haha. Is it your because your friend knew some higher up at a corporate facility to get you a job and screw over the person who is more qualified than you are? It makes me ill. Colleges are so quick to take your money yet do they call after you graduate and ask if you need help finding a job? No. They call to see if you can donate more money to a college who took your money.I am sorry to say but unless you are going for a masters or PHD good luck. You want money? You most likely won’t get it by going for major similar to thousands of others. You will end up feeling like a number rather than a person. I don’t know about anyone else but when I graduated I thought it was the best point in my life but instead it turned into “what the heck do I do now? Really I have to go back to graduate school? I already spent so much money.” It’s true, though. The bachelors is becoming obsolete. You could write, read, imagine, and have years of experience in a field but if you don’t have a masters some companies won’t even look at you. A lot of people think if they invest in business, science, tech, mathematics and/or health degrees they are safe as well. Well, if an influx of people are thinking the same thing as well and doing the same thing as you, you don’t think it won’t catch up to all of you? You don’t think you won’t build a cage around yourself and others. Now there are part time positions even in health care? In health care?! If you qualify for medicaid then you are lucky really because most people now cannot buy into health insurance plans. Some are opting out and paying the fine rather than paying for insurance they barely use. The whole idea you are required to pay for insurance is ridiculous. If people were not fined then they would be more likely to just opt out if a huge portion of their lack of income went to insurance.Therefore, the healthcare industry(because that’s what it is about money) would see a cut in patients. You’d see workers hours reduced and too many graduation with not enough positions available. IF we truly wanted some kind of united care we would base health cost on income but have several different per say tiers. It would be a detailed, descriptive, intelligent policy that recognizes every person’s situation. There should be no black and white because it is the dumbest cliche I have ever heard. If everything was so easy to fix then how come there are still huge issues? They cut through society, and through the next generation of children to the next. We must realize the majority have lost control. The government is making irrational decisions regarding our interests and eventually when people can no longer provide they will look for help. When eventually there is no help, there will be a response. People only stay silent to keep the peace for now, but they know disruption is in the future.

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How to Not Annoy Someone in a Relationship

Let’s face it. Things have changed a lot in the past hundred years concerning gender roles. Women rose up to become equal to men and now the playing field has improved in dating, jobs, and lifestyle. Now ic men annoying women, and women annoying men everywhere. Dating has turned into a sort of uncomfortable state to be at times, as well as empowering. If you don’t like the person, you can run. If you like the person, you can continue until hopefully the relationship talk happens. Btw if a guy/girl wants a relationship right off the bat, I would take that as a red flag. It is either controlling or they cannot stand alone. Either way, I believe stride and honesty is the best way to kindle love. So how can you not annoy the other person? Here’s a list I compiled over the years in my head based on self-reflection as well as observation of others.

1) Don’t hang out every day. You will lose your sense of self and they will too. Plus, when the honeymoon stage ends, it will be harder to cope with if you spent every minute together.

2) Don’t get drunk and talk about your past. There is nothing great out of this. I don’t want to hear a warped version of your childhood then another version the next day. Save this for when you are sober. Vice versa,I don’t expect you to be entertained by this as well from me.

3)Don’t just text and not call. It is kind of the way of thinking now to just text. But I believe this is wrong. If someone calls you and you don’t return the call for a long time, it does hurt. And txting is really casual and should not be going on once someone is serious.

4)Don’t set guidelines then break them yourself. Double standards can lead to infidelity, dishonesty, and just break people up. No one wants to be with someone who tells them how to act then acts that way themselves.

5)Have your own hobbies and interests. Make sure to do them when you are apart, especially if your partner has no interest in certain things. For instance, most men hate malls. Don’t bring them there. Go on your own.

6)Don’t play FB games. If yours says single, your mates should as well. No one should be one and the other persons another way. Also, don’t expect a person to unfriend exes if you have yet to do the same. And don’t friend girls/guys just to make your partner jealous. It is just dumb.

7)Don’t expect to become comfortable and do nothing. Relationships need work. They have to be kept alive through activity. If you nights turn into ice cream and movies and not even sitting close, you have a problem no offense. Go out once in a while (not to bars) do something of quality.

8)Don’t expect everything to be like the beginning. It never will be. It is unrealistic to get to know someone and still perceive them as the same person in the beginning. People form a perception based upon first impressions which can become an issue. Everyone persay puts a game face on. They don’t want the other person to know the bad qualities they are working on. They want to become an ideal image in your mind like a fairytale. Well eventually the sandcastle crumbles and you must explain who you really are. So be ready for hard work and commitment.

9)Distance doesn’t mean someone is pulling away. Understand people need time to get themselves together. Another person cannot fix another person, it is impossible. And if they are a liar about working on themselves you will find out or know they aren’t by repeat behavior.

10) Understand communication is key. Don’t play with anger, jealously, hate, or deception. It is like throwing a boomerang and hitting yourself. Stay calm when you communicate even if the subject matter is serious. Remember how it felt to first get kicked in the shins by someone and how serious it was at the time but how everyone now laughs at it? There is always humor. Some say it masks pain, but if you already faced the pain then what is the point in over-caring about it? If communication is so poor there is nothing left to say, then leave it at that.If it can be improved upon, then try but if you fail, cry then laugh. People will see that as strength, creativity, maturity, optimism, and an overall sense of how the world operates.

Well, there’s some of my list. It has taken me years really to understand people and sift through them searching for what? I guess in a way simplicity. But at the same time, if it was so simple it wouldn’t be rewarding. There is no simple person. Everyone is complex, and it is up to you to know what you are looking for. You can’t go out in the world looking for a definition of love but rather having the definition and realizing 90% of people you encounter aren’t that type of person. It takes patience and time. And a person must have learned about their past, evolved in some way on their own in order to be independent in a relationship. Relationships are not about being alike, feeling like your souls match and you can read eachother’s minds. That is fantasy like…and not reality. It is about how each soul balances the other. In fact, differences could make a relationship interesting.

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This is Suppose to Sound Funny But it May Sound Angry

Unconditional Love…it’s bulls**t. It doesn’t exist. Prove it to me. Show me what romance hasn’t led to some bulls**t. Everyone has bulls**t people. Realize that going on online dating sites does not in fact make it easy but rather difficult in reading someone who can take a picture and look awesome. So what? I can take a picture and look great but am i feeling great taking the picture? Heck no. It makes me feel stupid. Like i had to resort to this crap to even try to find someone of caliber.That thought brings to life perhaps love doesnt exist…only our idea of love. So we must each individually define our idea of love then apply it to the world. We must find that person who can fulfill as many as those ideas, as well as we must fulfill theirs, which almost seems impossible. Will we all ever find it? Or will we settle for some of those fulfillment’s beings unfulfilled?  I believe no one should settle for something less than what they deserve. Well if you want to go for someone with money, and they don’t care that you are…so be it i guess. Pretty shallow but at least it carries some honesty. Rather than telling someone you love then and really hating them maybe it is better to go without. Maybe absence is key to understanding what you perceive as love vs other peoples perceptions. Having new conversations and walking away from some which have no potential. It sounds mean to pass judgment but who doesn’t? My first impressions no offense have usually been right. A guy will take me out, treat me great the first few months then boom he morphs into a couch potato, gets fat, then decides he wants to call off work. Motivation is extremely important in a relationship. If you do not motivate eachother then good luck to you. It will become unbalanced. And both people will have to start figuring out how to change it. People never stay the same either in a relationship which i understand. Sometimes life throws a rock into someones face you love and then turn into this hateful person who bitches all the time. Don’t expect the other person to be like a robot without anger. There is usually a valid reason to be angry at life which something terrible happens that makes no sense. Just be there for them. Get them extra massages, a foot  bath, get the coffee ready, i dk do something to stop the bitching. I just think sometimes the simple things in life really do matter. Once someone stops doing all this then animosity happens. You must create a balance with someone, even if they aren’t perfect all the time because if they fulfill in in most areas of life then it should be expected you must do the same for them, whatever it shall be. And that my friend, is not love but it is loyalty. Loyalty is really love, and maybe if we took out this misconceptions about love we are exposed to, we could be a lot happier with someone.

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Stand Up or Stand Down

Forgive me for this might irritate anyone because it is supposed to. You might think this is about you, which I cannot guarantee it isn’t if you are reading this and suddenly it seems as if I am describing your behaviors. But is that my fault or yours? Is it my fault you have become easily described with mundane flaws that are just perhaps, very common? Is it possible that you have become so immune to how unnatural, distorted, and viral your behaviors have become that you cannot even blame yourself? Has the culture, your past, your finances, and/or your job affected your mood and your are just a temporary douchebag? But if you really do know how terrible some of the thoughts you’ve said to others truly are, did you choose to ignore it? Rather than fix it? In that case, your are a permanent douchebag, maybe. I don’t know the answer. You do. It may seem as if I am talking directly to you but no I am not. I chose no one specific when I write because if I did that no one would read the shit but a few people it is geared towards. In fact, I don’t like writers who only write to a predictable audience. It is more difficult to appeal to many. I figure if I make everyone introspect in some way, maybe, just maybe they will realize how capable we all are of doing it. And maybe if we did it more and used it like a muscle we would become humble and not project our bullshit onto other people.That simple. We have become an “air it out” culture. If someone gets divorced, it is on facebook. If someone takes a cool picture of their kid, it is on instagram. If someone wants to take a ten second video… it is on that gay program on your phone. And I forgot wtf it is called because it isn’t important, sorry. I just don’t care. What I do care about is my life being invaded by strangers who know me. It is weird. I would rather have a following of Europeans I never met than a bunch of people I have met, that do not talk to me, but want to see what is going on in my life. No one finds it weird? I do, haha. I just don’t understand the fulfillment in it. And if you find a way to have fulfillment in exposing everything in your life to people who never really cared, I don’t think it is rational. People pretend. The ones who knew you in the past, and chose to not know you again, belong in the back of the mind. Not displayed on your browser. I think social media has infiltrated our manners a bit too much. People have to stand for something they believe in or they are empty shells. I see empty shells when I see a guy who works so much he cannot enjoy anything. I see empty shells when I see a person who works too much and cannot have anything. So many extremes out there. The divide happens, and we forget we are all trying to be different, but really are one in the same. We are not defined by what we do for a living, if we are married, if we have children, if we have a job, or if we have an education….We are defined by our individual struggles and triumphs.

“You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fucking khakis. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.”-Chuck Palahniuk

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Into the Woods or Into Weirdness? C’mon Disney

The trailer seems harmless. As if you can bring your child to it and they will be dazzled the entire time. No. They will either be confused or overwhelmed by the dialogue. There are two new characters without names, as if they don’t mean much. Where is the character development? No names and one of them ends up dead eventually and before that a cheater. Nevermind, I’ll explain that crap later on because there is a lot of drama it seems. Personal drama. I don’t understand it haha. Anyways, the two nameless characters can’t have a baby until they collect four items from classic Disney characters. It is just an odd situation. When little red riding hood meets the wolf played by Johny Depp, it is weird and creepy. He offers her candy as if he is a pedophile and it is just like….what is going on here? Should my child’s mind be exposed to this? I didn’t realize I would be sitting here questioning the morals of Disney? C’mon. The one prince comes off dumb and in love with Rapunzel. The other is a player to Cinderella. He evetually makes out with the nameless character’s nameless wife. What the heck? Seriously? And the baker (nameless) is left alone with a baby. So ya the girl who was played (Ciderella) has to step up to the baby plate. Now girls end up thinking it is ok to clean and be unhappy with a boring man because you don’t mix with the caliber of a prince and were dealt a crap card. You are too poor Cinderella the messed up message is. And the prince, well he doesn’t care because he is searching around and liking it. And the Baker’s wife (nameless #2) well she falls off a cliff after she ends up with the prince and crap happens. Death happens too child. So  deal with all this crap we laid upon you in a Disney movie. The only two who end up in a fairy tale are Rapunzel and her prince. The moral of the story is hardly anyone receives their fairy tale ending. What a sad thing to infect into the minds of children? Shouldn’t they be allowed to grow up ad determine that themselves? And Disney you objectify little girls then later on they turn into sex symbols. So now you want to be cool with blatant truth? At least find a clever way to teach a child a lesson about creepy guys, players, lust, and the divide between social classes. Thank you. It was done distastefully. I am surprised you pay screenwriters haha. That is like paying for unnecessary drama.

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Be an Example, Not a Jerk

It’s been a while. I am not the same as I was a few months ago. As time moves on, the portal I walk through is becoming more and more my own, the inner voice telling me to hold on. It once said to let go and listen to all the outside voices telling me who I am. And maybe I was, at that point in time, the person they described. Maybe I was, but not everyone stays the same. Not everyone has the privilege to not have to adapt. Most have to deal with ever changing economical, educational, and cultural transitions with the modern age. As a result, we develop bad habits, illnesses, and an inability to cope. We all deserve a chance to better ourselves fairly. From the guy with no teeth in the trailer park to the guy with shiny braces and a shiny car already. We all should be able to go to college not to make money but rather to do what we love. There should be a field for all of us in this economy, not just the technical and health students.

People have forgotten society needs a balance. We cannot have technical products without the human resources manager, the person who orders shipments, the technical writer, and the lawyer who writes the employee handbook. Why should one get paid a substantial amount of money less than the other? All play key roles in the end result, and all cannot work without the other. America has forgotten this should not be an economy where a person is out for themselves but rather out for the greater good of humanity. The foundation of life is built around how we interact and communicate with one another.Technology poses a threat to our social skills when we concentrate upon only the job at hand and not the people around us. Both have to be developed in a way in order for society to function as a whole. Our curriculums need to be challenged. Our law enforcement majors need to take more psychology and sociology classes.  Our technical students need to take more public speaking classes so they can actually explain their ideas. Our art students need to take classes with a focus towards a specific area rather than a broad spectrum. Our children, teenagers, and students need guidance. And institutions in this country need to look at themselves, their mistakes, and ensure they are being supportive to the next generation.

The wealth is now concentrated into the one percent versus the other ninety nine. We all are trying and trying to gain a piece of what is left of the middle class but the more we all try the more it seems the playing field is leveled. I have come to the realization we all should be able to go to college for free. Yes, for free. Our incentives for education should not be money, nor the colleges should have the motive of money as well. Healthcare and education should be left in the control of the government and be a close market. No profits. That’s it. We all pay a percentage of our income and deal with it. I would rather pay for all the choices in the world and not be afraid of a mistake. Enough consequences on the youth and college students working hard to get by and more positive re-reinforcement. Everyone seems to try to find out what is wrong rather than making it right.

I have heard things will change in this country so many times. The rich will be taxed and the poor will get more, but each year I wonder sometimes. I will spend my life in a field where I help people and those who don’t will have a short and sleepless life. Be an example for those around you and never give up. I feel the next generation will challenge the last. Time reassures me what is right will become reality for our children.

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Just Some Thoughts, Just Some Feelings

Without writers, you would have to memorize their thoughts as well as your own then somehow build upon it. Everything would have to be a conversation which no offense to people, wouldn’t always be beneficial. Have you ever had a conversation you wish could end almost right where it began? We all have. Well, imagine that happening everyday. Imagine there are no books, no history, nothing to build upon from the day you were born but you own thoughts. Wouldn’t it be insane? Would we all just stomp around and grunt like savages unable to communicate? Most likely. Maybe we would adapt and resort to sign language. Either way, I don’t really want to find out.

One thing is for sure now though, things are ever-changing with technology. People have been recording their perceptions and emotions for a long time through writing but now the audience is much larger due to technology. Information is not obtained through the local library anymore but rather a bunch of iffy sources you must weed through for the concrete source. There is an abundance of information. So much, it is almost overwhelming that a person can just look up a word or phrase and find out almost everything about it. It is beautiful as well as frightening. It can be frightening depending upon where you are in the world, who is in power, and what social impact you can have upon people around you with the information you obtained. As a consequence, those who speak from a concrete source against a general dominate opinion suffer at times. Think of all the artists right now being jailed or killed for free speech. Journalists are being hacked to death, jailed, and/or silenced. But what do we forget? You cannot silence a writer without taking all of his writing. You can take their life but if you don’t have his/her hard drive or journal then good luck. You can kill a writer but their thoughts still transpire.

Sometimes I think to myself, “I cannot wait someday when those who lose power realize they have condemned their own future by silencing free speech.” It is sad in a sense but not surprising. People will think and feel the way they want to. If the general population in your country feels a certain way then odds are it is for a reason. You cannot blame social uprising on writers and/or the abundance of information out there, it has happened for thousands of years without it. Greed is usually the culprit of social uprising, not the words crafted against it. Rest in peace to those who died for unjust reasons, trying to protect our rights, whether it be the honest soldier, journalist, hard worker, or student. You are the people who keep the momentum going rather than stopping it.

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Negative Nancy Vs. Turncoat Suzy

We sit down. The rum and coke still barely there just like the mind going with it. We all have been guilty, so have I, trying to escape the clutches of reality, but why? Why do we not enjoy life at times so much we must escape it? Between still moments there is realistically nothing if you do not create anything. How can one create when there is so much hate around you? I have no idea. I guess I just feed off the hate then if it comes off too negative then o well. People who only speak of flowers and kitties end up speaking of nightmares in the end because they couldn’t face reality. Those who face bullshit are oftentimes called negative while they positive patties parade around in their ignorant sleep slumber they call consciousness haha.

So… I am a “negative nancy” and I don’t give a hoot. I heard some dumb girl saying oh susan why do you have to be such a negative nancy. When I start hearing a drunken dumb girl using the term I really don’t care if it is used on me. It is a dumbass term. Do you think social workers tell their clients to stop being negative nancies? What about psychologists? If the government told North Korea they were a negative nancy, would they react positive? Nah. No one does. People who don’t want to solve problems use labels that do it for them and hurt people rather than give a shit to find out what is truly wrong.

I think turncoat suzy is more accurate. Turncoat is a person who changes perceptions. That’s who I am. If I don’t agree with you I will combat what you say which can be viewed as negative. Don’t be mistaken, turncoat suzies are actually less negative than negative nancies in the end because they see both sides of arguments. They play devil’s advocate and sometimes people get angry when you do so. It promotes thoughts, not labels which has become an issue with modern society.

The interconnections we constantly have to people is not healthy. People need isolation to grow. If you plant one tree to close to another then it cannot branch out its roots. It becomes intertwined with another tree, trying to escape its clutches to become in the realm of free thought again. It is quite annoying to feel held back in a way by the desire to be connected to people. It is the ultimate root of sadness in society really. We all want to connect with someone so badly, that we keep phone numbers, stay on facebook, add twitter, wordpress, instagram, etc…but what really happens? Do half the people really matter or are they just a temporary fill for a void? Probably the latter. I am not trying to talk down upon it but I do not feel it is healthy for people to be so connected it essentially makes them disconnected from a real kiss, real night out, and real activities. The brain cannot grow just obtaining information, just like social skills cannot grow by talking through a keyboard. People need to be supportive to one another but not so convenient. Convenience is not always a good thing.The first option isn’t the best. It takes years to make friends, years to get married, years to raise children and sometimes people become negative nancies or turncoat suzies. Rather than labeling, realize what the core issue really is. We have resorted to lame ass labels rather than talking to one another. But one thing is for sure, Technology cannot change the way humans interact because the core desire is to be connected physically to someone. In the end, social networking doesn’t mean anything without people around you

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