funny
Spare Me (Hold Me Cover by Weezer)
I am terrified of shellfish
frightened of the park at dark
I was.
you were crazier than I expected…
cut deeper than a fish…
You are.
Spare me.
Spare me.
Leave me like trash cause’ your phony…
I was happier with you past when..
I wasn’t angry…
I was.
You are becoming what you hate in me..
Why don’t you go to therapy?
Spare me.
Spare me.
Leave me without you cause’
you’re crazy…
I am..
I am…
numb.
Spare me.
Spare me.
Spare me.
Leave me without you cause’ i’ll be happy
but spare me.
Spare me.
Leave me cause’ I’ll get a taxi.
I Honestly Hate You (I Honestly Love You Cover)
I hate you
I honestly blame you
You don’t have an answer
I can’t see it anymore in your eyes
Maybe it was better off left for dead
this is plain and simple
And you shouldn’t rationalize
it’s coming from head and not my heart….
I hate you…
I honestly blame you…
I am attempting to make you feel uncomfortable
I am trying to make you see what you’ve become
but this feeling comes along everyday
you bombed the getaway car and can’t run
I hate you…
I honestly blame you…
If we were both on an island
in another time and a cage
this moment might end in a fist
and there you’d be with your knife
And here I am with a gun
So I guess we’ll assume who won…
I hate you
I honestly hate you
I honestly hate you..
99 Facebook Friends but they Ain’t Real Ones
If you’re having friend problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 facebook friends but they ain’t real ones
I got the spat patrol like a cat patrol
Foes that wanna make sure my mouths closed
Critics say she’s “Money cats clothes”
I’m from the country stupid where facts are disclosed
If you grew up with no laces in your zapatos
You’d party the minute you had some cash flow
I’m like fuck haters you can kiss my whole lips
If you don’t like my lyrics you can laugh and kiss this
Got beef with many If I don’t play the game
but they don’t play my level, one in the same
Some haters try and use my nice ass
So I can be their sugar mama over cash…fuckers
I don’t know why you are taking me here
you can’t afford one beer
I’m from bad to better playa I ain’t dumb
I got 99 facebook friends but they ain’t real ones….
Just hit me…
and get it over with.
99 facebook friend but they ain’t real ones
If you’re having friend problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 facebook friends but they ain’t real ones
wish they’d just hit me
get it over with.
The year is 2014 and my truck is full
in my rear view mirror is a benz
I got two choices yall keep driving or
slow down the car some more
Now I ain’t trying to stick no gun out the door
but I got a few bullets galore
So I pull over cuz’ he’s on the side of the road
And I heard…”Girl, you better stay on the other side of the door!”
Cause’ this guys young and he’s ready to blow
and I think I know body language, maybe I don’t know
Am I ready to go or should I stay some mo’?
Well I was doing fifty five and the sucker was going 94
Thought it was a cop on the back road
until I saw him riding my bumper to my dashboard
I ain’t steppin out to see me on my deathbed
Ain’t kickin’ it when it’s down either
just lettin’ it inside my head
Enjoy a few last moments of heat
before I go to bed
cuz’ I’d rather call him a policy
cuz when humans hit me….
then I get the insurance money….
99 facebook friend but they ain’t real ones
If you’re having friend problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 facebook friends but they ain’t real ones
wish they’d just hit me
get it over with.
Now once upon a time very long ago
A chica like me had a strong arm and a hoe
not a hoe in the sense of whore
but a hoe digging up land in order to grow
I tried to stay there and continue to mow
Pray for sunlight, but some fools just love the rain
You know the type where your socks are stained
but you won’t change your socks cause you don’t fret
the only thing that’s gonna happen, my feet get more wet
While I keep trappin’ the crayfish cause their like gold
And there I go back to the creek, don’t fold
cuz it’s back through the forest with cliffs galore
While my fake friends stay at home pop some corn
watch their tv sets, then later switch to porn
Cuz’ Paparazzi’s got the camera on all the pretty faces
until the D.A. Comes in tells em their wasted cases
half-a-mil for nothing but a body that’s fit
All because some fool wanted his man candle lit
And she’s trying to play the man like he cares
but there ain’t nothing sweet about his nightmares
and just like him…
I got 99 facebook friends but they ain’t real ones…
if you’re having friend problems I feel bad for you son…
just hit me…
and get it over with.
Scurry With Your Nuts
I’m gonna pin those pants to your crack
so they can’t hang expose what you lack
cuz’ you make everyone nervous
hold their purse
since you look like
you should be in a Hurst
you move so fast
but your brain is slow
it dreams but has nowhere to go
the clouds are barriers in your mind
not a pillow you can use to climb
up to the sun
and you took all the fun
out of party before you arrived
then blamed everyone else left inside
walkin’ down the street drunk trying to have a conversation
but even your friend doesn’t talk to avoid escalation
you sound like a spoiled punk
who didn’t get his daddy to pay him
for doing
nothing…
Sometimes you look in the mirror
your buttons up but really their down
your smile is there but really its a frown
shirt is clean but your hair looks like a clown
you got your mirrors dirty
so clean that shit and hurry
cuz’ she won’t wait
she’ll scurry
like a squirrel
with your nuts
I’m gonna take that beer chip back
cuz’ you don’t need another one
you got yours all intact
but your life reenacts
every step to the bar as if it is your past
the morning ruined when you realize you wasted cash
living in the left lane you’re going too fast
can’t slow down until you pass
that guy with everything you lack
but you always take step back
cuz the shoe is on your foot fool
don’t act like others don’t play you cool
maybe they know the jokes on you
maybe they feel some sympathy too
but kindness isn’t weakness
unless you see through the eyes of the unkind
so push play and not rewind….
Sometimes you look in the mirror
your buttons up but really their down
your smile is there but really its a frown
shirt is clean but your hair looks like a clown
you got your mirrors dirty
so clean that shit and hurry
cuz’ she won’t wait
she’ll scurry
like a squirrel
with your nuts
My Cats (My Girl Cover)
I’ve got friskies on a nice plate
When it’s cold outside I’ve got the cats all day
I guess you’d say
What can make me the crazy cat lady?
My cats, my cats, my cats
Pettin’ all my cats, my cats
I’ve got so much litter my gas points are envied
I’ve got a robot laser light so they can play without me.
Well, I guess you’d say
What can make me the crazy cat lady?
My cats, my cats, my cats
Pettin’ all my cats, my cats
Meow Meow Meow
Meow Meow Meow
Ooooh.
I don’t need no dog, horse, or fish
I’ve got all the kitties, baby, one woman can miss.
Well, I guess you’d say
What can make me a crazy cat lady?
My cats, my cats, my cats
Pettin’ all my cats, my cats.
I’ve got catnip on a boring day
With my cats.
I’ve even got the shots done in May
With my vet
Talkin’ bout
Talkin’ bout
Talkin’ bout
My cats
oooohhh
My cats
As long as I live I will talk about my cats….
Comfortable Flickin’ (Pink Floyd Cover)
Hello,
is there any whore out there
just nod at me if you can see me
is there any boyfriend at home
Come on now
I hear you’re feeling disposable
I can ease your guilt
And get you on your knees
Relax
I’ll need some verification first
from your gynecologist
Can you send me the results?
Hello,
Is there not a whore out there
Just nod at me if you can find me
Is there no dick you aren’t receiving
A distant whore upon the horizon
You are only cumming through the fakeness
Your lips move but they say nothing
When I was a child I thought girls were great
MY hands felt like they were waiting
Now I wish they had fallen off
I can’t explain, your IQ is off
This is not a dickhead response
I have become comfortable with masturbation
O.K.
Just alittle dick prick
There’ll be no more fake aaaahhhh!
But can you feel a little poke
Can you Take it?
I do believe it’s motion that’s good
That’ll keep you comin back for more
Come on it’s time to settle down…
There is no dick you aren’t receiving
A distant whore upon the whorizon
You are only cumming throuh fake moans
Your lips moves but they speak nothing
When I was a child
I thought women were awesome
I caught a fleeting gimpse of what was wrong
Out of the perficial of my eye
I turned to look but she was gone to another guy
I cannot put my finger on why
The child is grown
The whore is gone
And I have become
Comfortable with Flickin’.
You’re a Cat and I’m a Weirdo (Radiohead Parody)
When you were here before
Couldn’t let you inside
You had fleas crawling all over
and your skin broke out in hives
you scared me frequently
in your garbage can
I wish you just ate the food
But you’re so fucking skiddish
but you’re a cat
I’m a cat lady
What the hell am I suppose to do?
I can’t not feed you
I don’t care if it costs
I want to avoid animal control
I want a trap set
I want to see you grown
I want you to notice when I am helping
you’re so fucking dirty
I wish I could bathe you
but you’re a cat
I’m a cat lady
What the hell am I suppose to do?
I have to feed you…
Cat’s running out on the lawn
Cat’s running out
It runs runs runs
Whatever makes you purrr
Whatever you need
You’re so fucking skiddish
I wish I could catch you
But you’re a cat
I’m a catlady
What the hell am I doing out there?
Trying to save cats
Trying to save cats….