I recover like no other. I hit the dirt and wander through the pines alone and weightless like a small deer ready to escape across the road and into the unknown. I don’t care to become part of the herd, but to live effortlessly alone. I don’t care for the partner in life anymore since nothing has been gained through anyone but what emotions I have been left to face. Alone. Alone. Alone. It has always been that way. Did I forget the same forest I ran through as a child is the small forest I run through today? Has my memory failed me or my lack of foreseeing this never ending cycle called life is what it is a cycle until death? Should death be feared if it means an end? Are all ends feared? No. I fear nothing but the monsters of people who inhabit this earth inflicting pain upon others for whatever they see as gain. I fear those who start war for money. I fear those who don’t release cures for diseases. I fear those who abuse just to feel better about their pathetic existence they created for themselves. I fear global warming is real and we are screwed. I fear clean water will eventually run out. I fear the planet will become so overpopulated we will have a mass extinction of the elderly. I am afraid everyday about things everyone should be afraid of. If one person counteracted one of these fears every day isn’t that better than avoiding them? What is it about society where we feel avoidance is the best remedy? Why do we run from what we should face and face what we should avoid? I am tired sick and sad everyday seeing the world as an oyster losing its shell. I tell myself though there are others out there who know what I feel. My existence is not unique, we are taught we are all unique but really are we? Isn’t it easier to realize we are the same in a lot of ways. Isn’t it easier to put aside the self righteous attitude and treat each other well? It is easier than fighting.
I feel like something is missing in the lives of my generation and those after me. Perhaps, it is naive to say that since humanity has been colonizing all over this planet probably since they first existed. But who am i to know the exact history at a moment when i didn’t even exist? Maybe there was a group of people who did not need to write and had seen no point in making their existence known to all mankind in the future. Perhaps, there was a time when humans lived harmoniously together because they used what the earth had to offer and did not alter natural surroundings. They did not alter rivers; they lived instead by waters which already existed before them. They did not build tunnels through mountains; they climbed the mountain or redirected their path. They did not use GPS; they used the stars. They did not create transportation depending upon fossil fuels; they used animals or their own feet to travel. They did not see the point in owning all the land they could have; they respected and shared the land, living as nomads and enjoying the changing scenery. Enjoying life, never staying in one place for a long time but at the same time feeling safe enough to wander. What if we strip down all the buildings? What if we decided to close down highways? What if there was nothing but water, trees, deserts, land? What if we really had nothing to depend on but the earth? Humanity needs to realize the consequences we are dodging when we create the unnatural from the natural. The way surroundings help create perceptions on life. If one sees a skyscraper they admire the object as one created by man not the earth. We have become self absorbed people clinging onto a downward spiral we created and avoiding consequence. I admit it is difficult to accept your actions could effect the next generation or more importantly the earth. We are naturally inclined towards denying the conscious mind in a conscious moment. We want to think our actions are ours and have no effects but what we want is not what we created. “Man will be what he planned to be. Not what he will want to be.”-Jean-Paul Sartre