Being Honest…

I just want to go back there. Go back where it smelled like corn and grass and fresh air. I want to feel my hands in the dirt and know I belong right there, with nothing but a tool and the earth. It is all I ever needed really.  All I ever needed was to become one with the land. I did not need this education, this annihilation of my true self to survive. All I needed was a mentor. Or to take the time to become my own mentor. Somehow I lost sight of my own objectives in life. I tried to pursue something big, perhaps to impress people around me more than myself. I just want to be accepted, to be loved, to be thought of as intelligent and beautiful. Not just a face. I wanted to have it all but what I didn’t realize is I already did have it all. I just wouldn’t allow myself to give myself credit for anything. I had this mentality that nothing I did was good enough.

And I notice this in myself and other people. I notice this social occurrence where people keep beating themselves and others down to achieve greatness. It is trying to think of how much energy is wasted on this mentality. All the energy could be used to be productive if people were respectful of other peoples talents.

Let’s be realistic. Not everyone is meant for college but some are. Some should go to trade school. Some should start a business or a farm. Either way, people should be able to choose what they want without this intrusion of free will. In my opinion, people have adopted this go to college and get a job ideology. It is unhealthy to push someone into something which is not for them. Period. We do not need more student debt but we need more welders and skilled workers more than ever in this country. We don’t need a hundreds of thousands of people with a Bachelors degree and no job. In this push to push the next generation forward with education, a lot of parents have created a nightmare. Their children just want to impress them, rather than be happy. They end up misdirected, depressed, unemployed, or having to move away from the family structure for any opportunity.

What happened to the family structure in America? What happened to the I have your back mentality? I feel as if it was more dominant in this country in the past. The wealth was more distributed when American families stuck together. Is there a connection here? I am not sure. However, I am sure if a family sticks together and either passes down a trade or supplies the funds for an education there is little struggle usually. Divorces shouldn’t be done so often in this country. People need to learn how to mend what is broken rather than running away from it. We need to be not so hard on each other, and practice a gentle hand.

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Beliefs

He comes in dreams. I think he is an entity of some sort. He holds my head up when I wake up. He kneels beside me as if I am a child and places my arms across each other and upon my shoulders. He tells me hold onto myself tightly and he will in return watch over me. He could be pure evil or pure good for all i know. I trusted him with my life for some time and hope for his own sake when he passes into the afterlife he meant all good deeds towards me. I believe in my mind whether it is true for belief is more powerful than disbelief. Although, disbelief can lead to new understandings depending on circumstances. I believe it is ultimately one’s goal to make a system on beliefs in their own mind to perhaps make sense out of life and death. We all have unusual situations that infiltrate our minds with memories we cannot comprehend in the moment.Their significance is perhaps not understood under later parts in life when forces align to create a sort of epiphany. I believe the person has a spirit like the Egpytians…but it has many parts. One is born with a sort of identity based upon physical and mental elements no person is one of the same. It is unique with boundaries and capabilities of its own it has to embrace in order to achieve a sort of enlightening. My spirit has come to terms with its born spirit enough to realize one depends upon the other. The Ba in Egyptian culture represents the spirit in the afterlife which must return to the Ka in order to sustain immortality. I believe this is symbolic. It is almost as if life is about reconciling with the inner childlike spirit we all possess and realizing the two are important in all aspects of life. They are the path to true righteousness, bravery, respect, admiration, truth, and immortality. Realizing one must maintain a balance between the two and fight against wrongdoing is a huge step in accepting death as part of life. It is easier to accept death if a person understands the many elements which make up their physical and mental state. No person has one identity. No person can be defined by a single word. The spirit is like a rainbow and a person’s duty is to be the brightest colors when the end approaches. Accept good and bad but remain in touch with all the layers of their spirit. And if it takes a belief which cannot be proven with science then so be it…it can be proven with culture.Thank you.