He stares into the night as if the road isn’t there anymore. He is driving but he appears to be floating mentally above the clouds, placing himself so high no one can catch up. Not even the pope, an oracle, Einstein, Dali, or any brilliantly crafted person could reach him. He chooses to be lost. There is the road but it goes back around in circles, creating a diversion even the strongest person could fall into. I have seen those eyes before, saddened, beat down, and fallin’ like the sword of a samurai. I don’t know when your eyes lost their color but I wish they could be restored the brightest color possible. I try to figure out all the triggers but so many exist it is nearly impossible to sustain some kind of bliss. Your mouth moves like a poem then a dagger. I blame myself but there is no way all your pain was caused by just me, you barely knew who I was. Perhaps, you could not see all your pain eventually manifested in me, like a ghost haunting a soul so I became the warrior. Left with scars, empty eggshells I once cracked to make you breakfast, I hold onto the thought the scars and eggshells will eventually just be nothing more than what they are.They will no longer remind me of suffering but of sacrifice. To change, is to sacrifice a part of yourself you no longer can be at harmony with. You were the part of myself I let go. You are a reminder pain exists but should never be laid upon another soul, already lifeless, already bruised, already out of battle. I may not be perfect but my god I have sustained myself through the impossible of times, and deserve a heart not secured by cast iron. I am too tired to peal back the layers of what is to find what was in someone. I am too broken to trust a world of creatures who move calculated rather than spirited. I will adore those who remain true and ignore those who chose a lie.

He Holds

He holds a heart

all mangled up

like ground beef

but serves it like filet mignon

hopes you’re so tired you play along

hoping you’ll just sing the same song

create a different dance…

but you tend to glance

over at the people having more fun…

At first

you do

you take it all in

and through you

then repeat, repeat, repeat…

until your heart is like his

all beat…


unable to complete..

a thought without it angled

in perfect tune

with his erratic brain waves


And he holds his hand

as if its not his own

He holds his head

as if his neck has one bone…

He holds up the sky

as if he created it…

then sails the sea

as if he put the water in it…

but he will learn

we are all creatures of a storm

trickling to our hearts

there can be an over pour

of crimson proportions

and we all must face our demons

to endure a kiss

that’s worthy of love

pure bliss…








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Kiss the Fangs

I feel like a child lost in the world with a ton of beasts, fangs ready to suck the imagination out of me. So much money, time, patience wasted upon the wrong people. There are no boundaries for them. They will say and do whatever you please but when you think about it the motive is unclear? Such a world of leeches. They take a beautiful lake and turn it into a swamp. It must be sad in theirs minds. I must admit I love little and hate more. But is that normal in American society? I feel a decline has began on a personal level as well as political level. People will now lie, cheat, and steal in order to achieve the american dream.. I lie awake at night with thoughts of a world in chaos. All around me is fire, my precious land I worked so hard to sustain now cinders beneath me. Do you see it coming? A change needs to be made. A rise of those tired working hands and praise for those who give their lives to this country; the working class. No praise for those gluttonous creatures who prey upon inequality as a means of financial gain. Thank you.

I Honestly Hate You (I Honestly Love You Cover)

I hate you

I honestly blame you

You don’t have an answer

I can’t see it anymore in your eyes

Maybe it was better off left for dead

this is plain and simple

And you shouldn’t rationalize

it’s coming from head and not my heart….

I hate you…

I honestly blame you…

I am attempting to make you feel uncomfortable

I am trying to make you see what you’ve become

but this feeling comes along everyday

you bombed the getaway car and can’t run

I hate you…

I honestly blame you…

If we were both on an island

in another time and a cage

this moment might end in a fist

and there you’d be with your knife

And here I am with a gun

So I guess we’ll assume who won…

I hate you

I honestly hate you

I honestly hate you..

Allergic to Shellfish on Christmas

Kinda funny. I was eating pasta last night as the family gathered. After a few minutes I realize the calamari is in the sauce. Big problem. I start getting crampy, thinking maybe I just need to poop. Nope, it isn’t even digesting right so i am way far ahead of the process haha. First comes the headache, then the feeling of a lump of coal in my tummy, and then the hot and cold issues start. Finally my gut lets it all out and it looks almost like I vomited a bunch of Christmas decorations. I start laughing like a crazy person because who would have thought this would happen on Christmas Eve. I managed to stay away from foods like this the entire year but yeah haha encountered it on the Holiday. Finally trying to fall asleep at 3 am, shaking like a baby in the fetal position because I am cold. Then it happens. My cats one by one circle around me as if instinctively trying to keep me warm. I am kinda whimpering like a baby and Juan the cat no joke puts her paw over my mouth. I don’t know whether she was trying to shut me up or maybe she was trying to calm me down. Either way it was quite amusing.  I think it is beautiful really though how animals can adapt so well to one person it almost is as if words become nothing. They look at you, you look at them, you know when its play time or when it is time to cuddle up and nap. Their eyes speak volumes and remind me love can exist without words.


Finally Belong

I’m sailing in a sea of hopelessness

as the devil grants god one last breath of air

all secrets are eroded away

to nothing

our destiny alone in the palm of our hand

cuz’ we can’t comprehend everything re-invents itself through man

And I don’t understand why we choose this life..

it’s like eating the bark

leaving the fruit

not thinking twice

forcing a knife

to carve a tree with strife

I’m wandering in a forest, free of footsteps

as the devil grants god to walk across it

all the flowers are stepped on

all the rarest animals are hunted

till there is nothing heard

but the flutter of a butterfly

it’s mother natures faint cry

And I don’t understand why we chose this life

it’s like eating the bark

leaving the fruit

not thinking twice

forcing a knife

to carve a tree with strife

Dying in my once haven

as the devil grants god to show his light

all of my sight is smoldered away

skin is budded a crimson may

there is nothing left but rotting decay

forcing me back on yesterday

to decipher why my life led this way

On the ground I lay,

living day by day, easily unable to runaway

from myself…

I finally belong.

Waiting for the Knight

Waiting on a dark road

My lights turned off

I am waiting for a deal with the devil

Trying to sell my soul for a moment with a savior

Trying to avoid the crevices in the road

As crimson flames embark on the surface

Reminding me I am moments away from a fiery demise

And then I see his eyes

Like headlights they blind my path

Blind my perception of the world as an inevitable apocalypse

Making me question everything before this moment

When all darkness turned into light…

When all sadness turned into triumph



His eyes disintegrate time into nothing but the sand in an hourglass

As I am hoping the meantime goes fast

Knowing I could wait forever for you….


Waiting on the same ol’ dark road

My lights now turned on

I am waiting for a deal with the man in fine armor

Trying to sell my soul for the moment when his shield lies upon the ground

Trying to see beyond the protective layer he so diligently maintains

As all the battle wounds become exposed like the flames

Beneath his feet

And then I see his eyes

Like two northern stars they project light upon the universe

My universe

Blinding me from the inevitable apocalypse

Making me free from the future and past

As his armor drops around his feet

As his horse wanders off into the street

As if looking for the same kind of salvation his master finds

When his eyes meet

The woman with eyes like a serpent

But the smile of a child…


And His eyes disintegrate time into nothing but the sand in an


As I am hoping the meantime goes fast

I know I could wait forever for you

Traveling the same dark road

Making a deal with the devil

For just a glimpse into his eyes.


Decoding the High End Demand

Everyone’s a musician

Everyone is a string and hand

Everyone’s a photographer

Everyone is in command

with the high end demand

eyes shut motionless as the words

shun away from the band

no instrument could tune into

what I hear inside my head

Feet stomping over the clefs

playing over the frets

forcing a symbolic death to the history

we all forgot a long time ago

thinking reinvention is the mind’s goal

detaching from the book bindings of those before

who decoded the sounds

created the art we can only hope to ignore

in this world where…

Everyone’s a musician

Everyone is a string and hand

Everyone’s their photographer

Everyone thinks their in command.

I Think, I Feel

I think I found him

he was hiding behind a bunch of girls

who didn’t matter at the bar

just waiting for me to come along

cuz’ I usually don’t like to be the fawn

being chase around as if I am in heat

but the fire hasn’t been lit

so I usually don’t complete

a thought with another

let alone meet

and come out of cover

but this battle has been eating me alive inside

I can only hold down my pride and try

to keep my heart from frostbite

but I somehow end up in the middle of a storm

end up the last person home…

and always alone…


he was there

in the cold

he gave the warmth

that makes me moan

bite my lip like a child

yet feel so grown…

laugh until I love

until I believe

everything done by man

can be undone

by a sincere hand…..


I think I found him

in the rhythm of his body

the instructional manual is of no use

for love this wild and loose

is rooted in past despair

of never finding anyone to care

and until our eyes met…

time didn’t exist baby

no one could save me

from hibernating

with my own frostbitten heart….

no one could break my cycle

of being torn apart

by my own nurturing hand

knew the blood on my sleeves

would eventually be seen

by the eyes who mirror mine..

and I am no longer afraid of myself

I am in essence beside myself with you…