Being Honest…

I just want to go back there. Go back where it smelled like corn and grass and fresh air. I want to feel my hands in the dirt and know I belong right there, with nothing but a tool and the earth. It is all I ever needed really.  All I ever needed was to become one with the land. I did not need this education, this annihilation of my true self to survive. All I needed was a mentor. Or to take the time to become my own mentor. Somehow I lost sight of my own objectives in life. I tried to pursue something big, perhaps to impress people around me more than myself. I just want to be accepted, to be loved, to be thought of as intelligent and beautiful. Not just a face. I wanted to have it all but what I didn’t realize is I already did have it all. I just wouldn’t allow myself to give myself credit for anything. I had this mentality that nothing I did was good enough.

And I notice this in myself and other people. I notice this social occurrence where people keep beating themselves and others down to achieve greatness. It is trying to think of how much energy is wasted on this mentality. All the energy could be used to be productive if people were respectful of other peoples talents.

Let’s be realistic. Not everyone is meant for college but some are. Some should go to trade school. Some should start a business or a farm. Either way, people should be able to choose what they want without this intrusion of free will. In my opinion, people have adopted this go to college and get a job ideology. It is unhealthy to push someone into something which is not for them. Period. We do not need more student debt but we need more welders and skilled workers more than ever in this country. We don’t need a hundreds of thousands of people with a Bachelors degree and no job. In this push to push the next generation forward with education, a lot of parents have created a nightmare. Their children just want to impress them, rather than be happy. They end up misdirected, depressed, unemployed, or having to move away from the family structure for any opportunity.

What happened to the family structure in America? What happened to the I have your back mentality? I feel as if it was more dominant in this country in the past. The wealth was more distributed when American families stuck together. Is there a connection here? I am not sure. However, I am sure if a family sticks together and either passes down a trade or supplies the funds for an education there is little struggle usually. Divorces shouldn’t be done so often in this country. People need to learn how to mend what is broken rather than running away from it. We need to be not so hard on each other, and practice a gentle hand.

If you like my posts please subscribe. 🙂 Thank you.

Advertisements

Realization

He stares into the night as if the road isn’t there anymore. He is driving but he appears to be floating mentally above the clouds, placing himself so high no one can catch up. Not even the pope, an oracle, Einstein, Dali, or any brilliantly crafted person could reach him. He chooses to be lost. There is the road but it goes back around in circles, creating a diversion even the strongest person could fall into. I have seen those eyes before, saddened, beat down, and fallin’ like the sword of a samurai. I don’t know when your eyes lost their color but I wish they could be restored the brightest color possible. I try to figure out all the triggers but so many exist it is nearly impossible to sustain some kind of bliss. Your mouth moves like a poem then a dagger. I blame myself but there is no way all your pain was caused by just me, you barely knew who I was. Perhaps, you could not see all your pain eventually manifested in me, like a ghost haunting a soul so I became the warrior. Left with scars, empty eggshells I once cracked to make you breakfast, I hold onto the thought the scars and eggshells will eventually just be nothing more than what they are.They will no longer remind me of suffering but of sacrifice. To change, is to sacrifice a part of yourself you no longer can be at harmony with. You were the part of myself I let go. You are a reminder pain exists but should never be laid upon another soul, already lifeless, already bruised, already out of battle. I may not be perfect but my god I have sustained myself through the impossible of times, and deserve a heart not secured by cast iron. I am too tired to peal back the layers of what is to find what was in someone. I am too broken to trust a world of creatures who move calculated rather than spirited. I will adore those who remain true and ignore those who chose a lie.